Unhappy son wwyd?

[Yetanothernamechange123]

I'll try to keep it short.
I moved DS to a small private school thinking this was best after the last lockdown. He basically did one term of year 7 in one of the local schools that was ok - but I got very anxious in case there was another lockdown (no contact in the first one and he got very down)

Son was in tears at weekend saying he has no friends there. I spoke to the school a while ago and they said they would try to rearrange seating plans (they have been sitting him next to children who are not quite so focused). There doesn't seem to be a good work ethic, from what I hear from my son - but I know you can't believe everything they say.

I phoned GP a couple of weeks ago as he was making lots of comments about life not being worth living

He's had a lot to deal with outside school - bereavements and parents splitting up. I just feel so so bad but wonder whether moving him again (!) is the right decision.

I don't think it is 'the school' - he gets on with the teachers and they really like him. He just can't find his tribe.

His friends from primary and clubs all go to an oversubscribed school that is local, so not much chance there.

Poor old thing. How long has he been there?

He doesn't want to go back to school 1 because he feels too awkward.

It has been an eye opener. The kids at the state school were so much kinder

He started in September - it is just awful watching your son cry his eyes out

I could try on mental health grounds to try for the oversubscribed school - he has witnessed a lot of critical and controlling behaviour from my ex
But I don't know what chance I would stand and don't want to lay my soul bare and fail!

I know you said he feels awkward about returning to school 1 but apart from poor lockdown provision, was there anything really wrong with it? Was he happy-ish there? Did he have friends there? I think I would explore returning there as an option. Hopefully any awkwardness would only be short lived.
Alternatively, could you speak to relevant staff again at current school and see if there's any more support they can put in place?

He was happy ish at school 1. It was the first lockdown which was awful (tensions at home and no school contact), and I panicked.
I've tried to contact one of his old friend's Mum's twice but she hasn't replied - to see if they could meet up or something
School no 1 have said he can go back no problems but it has to be his decision.
Personally I think he would be happier back there
He is suffering a lot with anxiety bless him

Bless him - I would move him back. He might feel a bit embarrassed at first but it will soon be old news and he can just crack on.
I think state schools did SO much better in the second lock down - they just didn't have the funding to get off the starting gates first time round (or fee paying parents threatening them with not paying fees.) I don't think lockdown learning is really any good demonstration of a schools face to face education, so if he was happy in most other ways, he should flourish there. If they are happy everything else falls in to place.

@Hoopa

Bless him - I would move him back. He might feel a bit embarrassed at first but it will soon be old news and he can just crack on. I think state schools did SO much better in the second lock down - they just didn't have the funding to get off the starting gates first time round (or fee paying parents threatening them with not paying fees.) I don't think lockdown learning is really any good demonstration of a schools face to face education, so if he was happy in most other ways, he should flourish there. If they are happy everything else falls in to place.

This is very true re. lockdown provision. I would move him back, if he wants to go. A child feeling happy about their school is half the battle to good academic achievement.

Try for the oversubscribed school. You might be surprised. Otherwise I'd talk to him about where he'd want to be in a year's time and help him see past the initial embarrassment of returning.

Btw absolutely my experience about state school kids being so much kinder than private school.

Does he want to go to School 1 or lersevere with the Private school or even try a different private school. I think you need to give him options and let him know he can make the choice.

Let him choose, and you then back up his decision

Otherwise I'd talk to him about where he'd want to be in a year's time and help him see past the initial embarrassment of returning

I appreciate that hearing his voice is important, but given the OP talks about his anxiety I’m not sure this will help. Adolescents often have real tunnel vision about their lives and can’t imagine a future beyond their own current concerns—it could be too much.

Had our children in a fee paying prep for years. Before covid there were serious issues developing one of which was class disruption in academic lessons. Also, alot of staff coming and going from the school.
First lockdown hit and the quality of work sent by the prep was an absolute insult. Zero communication from childrens teachers.

Removed the children from the prep school and sent them to a primary state. The feedback we had from the kids was that the state was far more caring and supportive etc. My younger childs class work has massively improved.

Looking back the private school was all bells and whistles. But there was a total lack of basic standards.

From reading your account I'd start putting his current school on notice and consider sending him back to the previous school.

Just to add, you could ask his current school what they are doing to try and get the rest of the class to build more of a rapport with your son.
It's not right that the staff have left him to feel lost x