Post exam rewards

[dancemom]

The posts on Facebook have started this week and weekend, from cash for each A grade to designer jewellery, a shopping trip, even a holiday!

I actually hadn't contemplated anything other than going for dinner to celebrate / commiserate but does everyone else give cash / gifts etc?

Ds did very well in his grades this year, he got the grades he needed to apply to the course he wants in uni next year. He got to feel proud of his achievement, which is priceless.

We had a takeaway to celebrate. Personally I feel it devalues the enormity of the actual achievement rewarding it with few quid or a trinket. Don't feel you have to join in with the reward rhetoric.

We gave DS a lump of money, but he was to use it to buy whatever he needed for college (clothing wise). I bought basics for him so he spent it buying fancy T-shirt's and a couple of hoodies he'd had his eye on.

He also received an Apple Watch from my parents (who have more money than sense)

Dd hasn't got her grades yet and she's not grabby or materialistic. I'd like to reward her effort rather than results but I won't be handing over £100 for each A grade and I certainly don't have a weekend in New York booked 🙈

We had dinner of DS's choice to celebrate the end of his GCSE assesments and will probably have a meal out on results day. We're buying him a laptop too but that isn't a reward for grades but one which is needed for A levels.

We went out for a planned dinner and as DD's results were excellent I made a contribution to her Mac book she had saved up to buy for college so she could have one with bigger memory.
I wholeheartedly believe in intrinsic motivation she got her grades and still does because she works hard for herself not because of anything I offer.

For DD1 we rewarded effort as she went along, and then I treated her to nails for prom as a surprise & we paid for her to go on an MFL residential abroad in prep for 6th form. On results day we went out for a meal.

For DD2 it has been totally different, but similar. We ended up running a reward chart to buy things for the cat I have promised to get her in August. She got points for sitting assessments and working towards them, as well as things like going into shops, walking somewhere new etc.

With rewarding grades you have to be very careful if you have more than one DC. Also effort is within their control, grades are not.

Imagine your child working very hard but then on results day not getting the 7 or the 4 or whatever. Not only are they devastated, but they don't get the reward either!

Ds's exams were not this year but we rewarded his effort not his results so he got a new phone to replace his 5 year old one and got it in June when his exams were over. He did do incredibly well in his GCSEs but that was an added bonus.

I should have said his phone was less than £200 and not an iphone and I totally agree with Teen it can set some children up for failure. I have watched enough opening GCSE/A level results on YouTube to see it doesn't always go the way a student thinks.

Ds2 will probably do better than Ds1 who was an Oxbridge candidate anyway but he has benefited from hand me down flash cards, all done for him. He hasn't had to put the same amount of work in for that.

We haven't got rewards planned as such but I guess we are trying to celebrate the effort that has gone in. Eldest (post A levels) is definitely being rewarded by the support we're giving her to get overseas for a gap year - where she has a position lined up, and relatives in the country in case of issues. Youngest (post GCSE) has a birthday next month anyway and a summer course to go on; he'll be getting an iphone (old model or 2nd hand!) - he's only had a non-smart phone which has had little use as he mostly just uses his computer to keep in touch or whatever.

So these things aren't directly related to exam results but kind of follow on.

Reward the effort not the results. If a child has revised like crazy and done their absolute best, rewarding based on grades is so demoralising if they don’t get x number of As as not only do they have the upset of lower grades than expected, they also don’t get the prize.

A gift after the last exam is far better and rewards work ethic. Then just a meal out or something on results day.