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Secondary education

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Original poster

6th form college choice

10 replies

GraceMC · 12/06/2021 14:20

My DS just finished his GCSE, he is in a state school, his teacher predicts all of his main subjects are all between grades 8-9. He took a boarding school's 16+ exams last year, and luckily he has been offered a place, with academic scholarship, I only need to pay a few thousands of pounds. When we received the news, he considered it for a couple of days and decided he want to go. Before I paid the deposit, I asked him again and again, 'are you sure you really want to go?' He said yes. A couple of weeks ago, he has doubts about his choice, he realizes he has to give up lots of things when he start boarding, like PS4, mobile phone at night time, etc...He had a meeting with his state school counsellor to talk about school choices. She told him it's all up to him, nothing to do with his parents, his happiness is just as important as his grades. So my ds informed me yesterday, he will not go to boarding school. Not only I am losing all the deposit(£2000), but also I may get further penalty.

I completely disagree with the school counsellor, I think it was his decision, but after he agreed and I paid the deposit, it can not be his own choice anymore.

Should I make a formal complaint about the counsellor for interfering my family, misleading young dependent?

OP posts:
UserAtRandom · 12/06/2021 14:32

@GraceMC

My DS just finished his GCSE, he is in a state school, his teacher predicts all of his main subjects are all between grades 8-9. He took a boarding school's 16+ exams last year, and luckily he has been offered a place, with academic scholarship, I only need to pay a few thousands of pounds. When we received the news, he considered it for a couple of days and decided he want to go. Before I paid the deposit, I asked him again and again, 'are you sure you really want to go?' He said yes. A couple of weeks ago, he has doubts about his choice, he realizes he has to give up lots of things when he start boarding, like PS4, mobile phone at night time, etc...He had a meeting with his state school counsellor to talk about school choices. She told him it's all up to him, nothing to do with his parents, his happiness is just as important as his grades. So my ds informed me yesterday, he will not go to boarding school. Not only I am losing all the deposit(£2000), but also I may get further penalty.

I completely disagree with the school counsellor, I think it was his decision, but after he agreed and I paid the deposit, it can not be his own choice anymore.

Should I make a formal complaint about the counsellor for interfering my family, misleading young dependent?

I'm not sure what your complaint would be about. The counsellor is totally correct that it's his choice and his happiness is also important. (I would imagine she might have also presented the other side of the argument which DS has not relayed back to you).

You are much better talking seriously to your son about what he wants and what his concerns are (are they valid or just nerves about starting somewhere new) rather than insisting he goes regardless. The deposit money is lost whatever he does, so that shouldn't factor into the decision.

MrsSquirrel · 12/06/2021 14:34

People can change their minds. Sounds like your ds has changed his.

What's the point of forcing him? He will not do well if he doesn't want to be there.

ChequerBoard · 12/06/2021 14:52

Some of your DS fears sound a bit out of line with what I would expect from boarding in 6th form.

As a boarding parent (DD has just finished 6th form, DS in year 9), I wouldn't expect phones to be taken from 6th form students. They are absolutely locked away from students in lower year groups but 6th formers generally have different rules. I think you need to have a realistic conversation with the house master/ma'am about what life as a 6th form boarder would really be like because he isn't basing his decision on all the facts right now.

Would be he a full or weekly boarder? Mine have always been weekly and I think this makes a big difference - it's a best if both worlds situation where they are focused on school during the week but have time to relax and unwind at home every weekend and exeat.

If he really doesn't want to go, you can't make him and I would never advocate boarding for any child that doesn't want to go. Both mine have enjoyed their time in boarding and have gained a lot out if the experience, but both chose to attend their school over local day school options.

Original poster
GraceMC · 12/06/2021 14:57

I totally agree, he will not do well if he doesn't want to be there. I just wish he had made the final decision before I paid the deposit, I believe no matter which school he choose, he will go to university anyway. I am just not happy he doesn't take it very serious.

OP posts:
FoolsAssassin · 12/06/2021 15:07

The thing is , it is a very big decision and as time goes on something that seemed great on paper and in theory starts becoming ore of a reality and feelings change.

I would do as as suggested, find out the reality of what boarding would be in terms of these things and give him a bit of time to think it through. No good having a go at the counsellor, she is there to act in best interests of DS.

It is always a risk with boarding and it is absolutely horrendous when they are there and unhappy . Better to take the time now and work through to arrive at the right decision. FWIW DS has his phone, computer stuff he wants and can go out in the evenings to do what he wants to, eat out etc, he just has to let someone know where he is going . That has been a bit theoretical with Covid though. He weekly boards though and that now works well, but was awful at the start.

Original poster
GraceMC · 12/06/2021 15:25

Thank you ChequerBoard, it is a full boarding school. Although it is just 6 miles away from my home.

My father-in-law was in tears when he heard my ds got a place in there. Because in his family, none of them went to uni before, private education is just like a dream, beautiful but unreal.

The main reason I want him to go is I want him to experience different education.

OP posts:
nicknamehelp · 12/06/2021 15:51

I don't think you can complain and which 6th form has to be his choice. Are there any planned taster days before Sept at private one or could he have a visit and chat to a current 6th former about what it is actually like as yes he might have to give up ps4 but I bet there is loads going on he wouldn't miss it.

menotastic · 12/06/2021 17:40

Agree with others, it sounds as though he's basing decision on incorrect info at the mo. Can you get him in touch with some current sixth form students at the school? Post on Mumsnet, even, for parents who could link him up with their kids for a chat? Or on Studentroom? If he's not up for it, he shouldn't go. But he should make a properly informed decision.

Pythonesque · 12/06/2021 20:21

Agree he needs to make contact with students urgently to get a proper perspective on what it would be like. Good luck getting to a position where you can feel final decisions are properly informed ones for him as well as for you.

Iamsodone · 12/06/2021 20:38

I think you may now also owe the first term as you haven’t given a term’s notice.

Has he got any induction day planned at the new school or oils you do a tour, discuss life there ? That may help,

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