Uniform - awkward situation please advice

[newmum0808]

I cannot work out how best to manage this and am hoping you'll find a sensible solution please 😬.
My eldest son goes to private school, but my youngest didn't pass the entrance exam so I gave all the uniform his brother had grown out of to a friend who son is starting there this September. She was delighted and we discussed going through his wardrobe this summer to get the next batch of stuff for him.
Two weeks ago I get a call from the school offering my youngest son a place. I mentioned it to my friend and she offered to give the uniform back. I didn't ask nor did I accept - if you give a gift you never take it back right? However, is hundreds of pounds of uniform. The friend told me they were going to pop it round and asked if they could take the next set. My son is much smaller than their son so it's possible my youngest would be in a set, her son could be in a set and my year 9 son would be in a set. This is only the casefor a few items though and would mean I didn't have any spare uniform (blazers, trousers)and what if my son has a growth spurt whilst her son is still in the batch of uniform he needs? Asking for it back will be so awkward.
So questions are - should I refuse to accept the first batch of uniform back as it's rude? What do I do about uniform sharing? I did offer to give her all the uniform and now she'll have to buy everything unless I try....
Am I being ridiculous? I think I'm over thinking 🤔
What would you do? Thank you x

Just talk to her, explain as you have here. That now your son has a place you’ll be needing all the uniform. I think as the situation has changed it’s fair for you to keep hold of it all. I wouldn’t be expecting any of it if I was your friend. She still has time to sort/source.

I agree that you never give gifts back but this is a bit of an odd situation- sounds like she has naturally realised you’d obviously like it back and is happy to do so. Presumably she can afford the uniform. I think on this occasion I’d accept with much thanks. It sounds like there may be some bits that fit both boys anyway. And check out the second hand shop!!

If your youngest will be able to wear it now then I'd accept it back. As circumstances have changed so much it's perfectly acceptable to apologise to your friend that the offer of passing on all the uniform no longer stands and thank her for giving it back. Are there second hand uniforms available through the school? If so your friend could look at those. Or you could ask around amongst the parents of your older son's friends to see if they have any outgrown uniform.

She's offered it back. Take it. She would have had to buy it anyway otherwise.

I don't really understand about the sharing - you can say yes if I have spares I'll pass on?

She offered to give it back, just say “I’m so sorry, yes please.”

She can’t expect to keep it now that your son has been offered a place!!

Most independent schools run a thrift shop for 2nd hand uniform. She could buy everything she needs for a fraction of the price of the retail cost. Hopefully your school does have one and she could buy from there? But definitely hold your ground on this.

Or if no thrift shop some schools have a buy/swap uniform Facebook page for the school so perhaps that might be an option she could set up and run as Admin.

She’s obviously thoughtful. Accept her offer.

I’d probably thank her with a bunch of flowers/bottle of wine.

She’s done the right thing. I’d accept the uniform back but give her the next set, that seems like a fair compromise.

In the nicest possible way if she can afford a place at private school then she can afford the cost of the uniform. I’m a TA and I’ve got children in my class wearing shoes with holes in them as their parents can’t afford anymore.

Agh yes awkward but she did the right thing offering it back. Take it back. The sticking point is that she asked for the other set. Am I right in thinking that's all a size in between your two sons? So your younger would grow into it? If so she shouldn't really be asking for it. Is there a second hand shop? Can you send her the details? Are there any others in your older son's year who might like to sell / give a set away?

Thank you all so much. I feel much better. I'm going to take the uniform back, thank her with wine and then share any uniform that isn't need by my sons. It'll help to ease the initial costs.

Good move. Keep the blazers tho!

Thank you lego. Sorry I missed your question - in key items there is a size between my sons which she's asked for. I don't really want to give it up because I like having emergency spares, and it's a risk that it'll still be good enough after two wearers, but I think I need to this once to ease the blow. My eldest is nearly finished growing so it'll only be this once.
Blazer will have to be given I think 😖. Worst case it costs me a new one, I'll live with that as she's having to buy so much more than that.
Yes, she's already asked about the 2nd hand uniform shop.
Thank you again

Thing is, if you give the in between sizes then you are finding all of the uniform for the whole school time? As what's to say it wont happen again in second year? And third... sonshe never has to pay for uniform and you have to pay for it initially and then possibly again as third hand wont wear well.

*funding

I think you couldd give her a few bits this time and refuse going forward if she did ask again. FWIW I've found things like blazers and jumpers do at least 3, if you have several of each.

Several jumpers that is, I dont think many have more than 1 blazer.

She has offered it back so I would accept and try to come to some sort of arrangement for the future.

Plus as you already have a son at the school, surely you could ask around the parents of your older sons friends to see if they have, or know someone who has, smaller sizes going spare. You can always tell them that you are them you are being sustainable and eco friendly by reusing existing uniform!!

Your friend has offered your eldest son's uniform back so I would accept it and simply apologise for your change of plans.

Most private schools have a good second hand shop which lots of people use. Also most parents are realistic that if they send their child private the uniform and PE kit is expensive although from experience it does last.

Compromise and take half back

Another vote for hanging onto all your old uniform. All three private schools my sons attended had fantastic second hand uniform shops and I've only had to buy one blazer brand new (they were £100 new and around £25 second hand). Your friend should be able to do the same.

In your friend's shoes, I wouldn't dream of keeping any of your uniform, not least because uniform regularly goes missing or doesn't survive the battering teenage boys seem to give their clothes. You sound a lovely friend but it's unreasonable to expect you to be in the position of buying new as you've lent out blazers etc.

I wouldn’t carry on the arrangement. If your son ends up with things that are 3rd hand because she doesn’t want to stump up for uniform that’s really unfair and she’d surely see that.