Appeal looming. Positive stories please!

[Wolfiefan]

Hoping for some encouragement or advice.
DD has been allocated the school I used to work at until my MH deteriorated so much I had to quit work.
Not the school her brother went to. (He’s leaving this summer!)
We have submitted an appeal and letter from GP stating they believe it’s detrimental to DD and whole family for her to have to go to allocated school.
Do we have a leg to stand on? I’m so beyond anxious about this.

We just had a successful appeal based on SEMH.

We used the idea of weighing scales and how mental health problems occur when risks outweigh protective factors.

I talked about the risk factors for our child which have already happened (difficult family situation over several years) and provided evidence from research about the increased risk of mental health issues in people with these experiences.

Then I talked about the protective factors for our child (with some evidence of how these are protective) and how the appeal school would be much more able to foster these protective factors than the offered school.

Good luck, it's the most all consuming thing I have done mentally for many years. I had some advice via PM on process etc from some of the brilliant appeal panel stalwarts on here. They were super helpful.

In your case you could demonstrate the increased risk of mental ill health in children of parents who have had depression/anxiety and enumerate how your DD was impacted at the time, for example. And how having to attend the same setting every day would be damaging to you and her?

The issue is that it’s not her MH that’s the issue. But mine. I still have nightmares related to that time and place. The idea of having to put her in that uniform and do parent eves there? I’m honestly not sure how I will get through the next few years if I have to do that. We can’t move. So that’s not an option.

Yes but - your ongoing mental ill health from having to do that WOULD then have a knock-on impact on her, inevitably. So that is the angle you use, surely.

www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/parents-and-young-people/information-for-parents-and-carers/parental-mental-illness-the-impact-on-children-and-adolescents-for-parents-and-carers

I will do. Just no idea if that’s enough.

I just had a successful appeal, mine was based on SEN and MH. I think you need to create an angle of how the impact on your MH will in turn impact your Child’s. I feel for you as it’s such a stressful and uncertain time

This is what I would do - no expert, though. It's tricky because your appeal is sort of "anywhere but school A" whereas ours is "only appeal school can offer this". Mind you, no one from the school you don't want will be there.

The risk assessment is:

If my child goes to school A, this will be incredibly difficult for me because historic connections have already resulted in.....with the impact on my child that.....and the impact on her of this recurring would potentially be.....

If my child goes to school B, these risks are entirely removed. The potential cost of mental ill health on the family and my child is significant including.....
Other advantages to my child of school B are.....

Therefore to offer my child the best chance of not experiencing a parent who is chronically unwell and thereby reducing the risk that they themselves will suffer, the risk to school B in admitting her is outweighed by the risk to our family wellbeing in not admitting her.

Thanks so much. It’s not any school but A though.
Her brother is about to leave school B. She desperately wants to go where he did.
I can’t get her to any other school than A or B due to living rurally and suffering with fibromyalgia. Sounds lame. But I hurt sooo much. School C would mean me driving at least 2 hours a day. Every day. I can’t.
If this succeeds I have a bottle of chilled fizz ready.
If it doesn’t I’ve threatened to double my anti depressants and possibly start day drinking.
MH issues suck.

Oh and thanks for being lovely. No one I can really vent to in RL.

Adding in your fibromyalgia strengthens the case then. Only school B can offer your daughter a setting that you can get her to with your physical health difficulties, and that will not increase her risk of living with a parent who is mentally as well as physically unwell - with all the consequent risks to her from living with a poorly parent.

We are also factoring in that DH works full time. So I’m the one who deals with all the school stuff. (I’m not well enough to work.)
The difference to her is a parent who can chat through homework, deal with contact from school (we have a good working relationship with staff at this school.)., homemade meals and capable of supporting her emotionally as well as practically.
Or one who may manage to get up, shower and sit staring at a wall until bedtime.
Jeez I sound like a right head case writing that. But it’s the truth.
As I am I’m able to function, organise and laugh with the kids over dinner. I don’t want that to slide.

Could your DD be classed as a young carer, if just for the appeal....might help add weight. Your MH and physical health needs should be taken into account as they will impact DD if you decline

You need to look seriously at whether you can realistically call your daughter a young carer. If that is realistic to say at the appeal, even if your daughter is not designated as such, then it would be a significant extra piece of information for the panel.

I don’t think I can. The issue isn’t that she cares for me. It’s that I can’t care for her if I’m unwell. (DH can step in but he works FT and that’s simply not fair on him .)
I just hope we are successful. It’ll be enough of a change with eldest off to uni without her seeing any change in me. (Of course I will do my damndest to stay well but MH doesn’t depend on strength of will alone.)