Advise please - Oxford Girls schools - honest opinions

[mumofthree22]

Hi. We are going to be relocating this summer to Oxford (only found out in the last month) and daughter is due to start year 7. She has fortunately been offered a place at Oxford High, Headington and St Helens (Abingdon). We will be located South Oxford so all schools are easily reachable by school bus. My sons will be starting MCS. Which school would you recommend? Daughter really enjoys extra curriculum activities like sports and drama. Looking at personal recommendations as new to the area. We need to make decision in next few days. Have just visited Headington and St Helens (however OHS would not let us view school from inside due to covid). My husband is adamant at sending her to OHS due to higher academic results and has friends who are dons at Oxford uni who advised most of their colleagues send their kids there. I'm not getting a good gut feeling about OHS as I feel it lacks pastoral care and find the facilities quite limited and campus cramped for the number of girls. Which one to choose? So stressed. Do your daughters go to any of these schools? What are your honest opinions on the schools mentioned- academically, pastoral, teaching, extra curriculum, general happiness of girls etc. Thank you.

I think you also have to consider how academic your DD is and whether she would cope well under pressure. I heard that OHS is very, very academic and the girls might be under some pressure to perform in that respect.
Reading about your DD enjoying sports and drama, both SHSK and Headington have a very good selection of sports on offer and good drama department.

Have you considered rye st Antony?

The op has three offers, so doesn’t need elsewhere.

I think DDs dan do well at a school where they are happy. You really don’t need to be with other very bright girls to do well. I know plenty of bright dc who have not been to traditionally academic schools but have been the cream at those schools. That can be quite a nice feeling! Who needs continual peer group pressure?

I would go through the attributes of each school with DD. You would have a longer journey to Abingdon and I would not do that - was it you who was asking about places to live in that area recently? Often dc are very perceptive about what they want! My DDs were. They were also right. I preferred the better known school but DD1 saw herself at one with a different vibe and she loved being there.

You can look at sports and drama at both schools. What is on offer and what drama do the girls do? Is it taken seriously? What productions/opportunities are there?

Honest opinion, I would chose Headington.

Much more balanced school than the high, shorter journey for your dad. We live in Oxford and have two ds’, but if they had been girls they would be at Headington.

If you are keen to be at the ‘best’ school, based on academics (I note your boys are going to mcs) then I guess it would be the high school.

I would also chose Headington. That where I am hoping my DD will go next year. It is not as academic and pressured as OHS but they still achieve good results. It offers a wide selection of clubs that cater for sporty girls, academic girls, arty girls and son on.
I think it is very important for your DD to be happy where she is as she will achieve her potential in a happy environment.

@MoiraRoseHereAgain Thanks, yes we were very impressed with the drama, sports and music facilities at both Headington and SHSK

@PresentingPercy I totally agree that a child will thrive at a school they feel comfortable with and has the right "vibe" for them and DD is totally in love with SHSK- the whole academic and extra curriculum package.
I haven't asked about areas to live so must have been someone else you were referring to. There is a school bus service for SHSK and MCS from the same place so journey time would actually be the same for OHS and SHSK for us.

@mumofthree22
A big congrats to your DD for passing all 3 of the exams as well as your DSs- they must be all very academically able to have attained places at these top schools in the country.
I also have 3 - a teenage son at MCS sixth form who is thriving - the balance between the academic, fab extra curricular activities, sports facilities, pastoral care and most important the supportive and highly qualified staff gets the best out of the boys. The Master is fab and has been there for many years. A strong, experienced, leader makes the school so successful, couldn't sing their praises enough.
I also have 2 younger daughters. They both started at OHS (age 11 and 13 - we relocated from west London ) but our experience was sadly not very good here ( we wrongly believed others that it would be the girls equivalent to MCS but it failed to deliver on MANY if not all levels. My girls never wanted to go there from their initial visit - sadly we discounted their views as they initially much preferred Headington - we hadn't heard of SHSK at that stage). The key focus at OHS is exam grades and academic performance and NOTHING else. They are so obsessed with their position on the league tables to the detrimental effect on the young girls in their care. All the teachers teach at one fast pace only and expect all girls to keep up (more than 50% of the girls had at least 3-4 hours of private tutoring at the weekends / evenings to keep up and help consolidate work that they should have learnt at school. Speaking to other parents, this approach to tutoring seems to be the secret weapon in why the school gets such high GCSE/Alevel results - its not really down to the school teachers). Method of teaching is very old school - the teachers stand at front of class and either writes on the white board or carries out some physical experiments and girls observe and write. Girls involvement is minimum to non existent. Class size is around 24 with only 1 teacher. Pastoral care is an alien concept to OHS. Failure is looked down at ( at least 2 new girls in the first term left/ asked to find another school due to the sheer stress of not meeting targets and parents got no empathy from the school to help the girls. 1 has since started at Headington and the other at a local comp and both are very happy there). Extra curriculum clubs are also sparse as there is 1. lack of space - both my girls and majority of their classmates found the whole site extremely claustrophobic 2. teachers too busy with academic work / lack of teachers to run clubs 3. clubs rely on 6th form girls to run them who are busy revising to meet their own grades!
The sports provision is also dire compared to the other 2 schools and if you are not in the top 10% of the girls in the year, you will never be picked for any teams (they only have an A and B and very few fixtures in the year). This really affected my girls as they were active girls out of school but they were never recognised. Their well being and self confidence nose dived in the first 2 terms. They became withdrawn and distant at home, anxiety increased, homework took 2-3 hours a night every day - 7 days a week in year 7 and escalated as they go up the years and it was simply heart breaking when they came up with constant excuses to stay home from school regularly due to exhaustion. At Easter we had enough when my youngest had a panic attack and was rushed to JR hospital and overnight we made a decision and took our girls out and travelled around USA for a month (pre covid). They sat entrance exams in the summer term and both managed to get spaces like your daughter to Headington & SKSH (they didn't have spaces mid year hence we went travelling). 3 years later, both girls are having the best time at SHSK where being clever is something to be proud off. Happy girls succeed and thrive here academically and more importantly socially/mentally/ physically. The teachers are extremely supportive, approachable and highly qualified. They genuinely love to teach and is more than simply a job to them. The well being of the girls is their priority. Every subject is taught with at least 50% practical hands on experiments. Drama, music and sports are fantastic and of a very high quality and variety. All the girls are taught life skills from Year 7 (class size about 20 with 2 teachers so they are definitely looked after) and they are taught how to manage time and how to work effectively to achieve the top grades in exams but also have time to relax and attend clubs which moulds them as a more attractive person for the future. I am now proudly a mother of 2 very confident, independent, ambitious , intelligent young ladies who are both predicted A*/A/9 in all GCSEs and A levels this year. The school invests in each girl individually and gives them confidence to believe that they are the best and can achieve whatever they want in this world (no limits). The girls all seem to self motivate to achieve the best version of themselves rather than pressure from teachers and more girls have gone to Oxbridge and top unis from here compared to OHS in the last 5 years. My eldest is off to pursue her dream of becoming a paediatrician at Oxbridge this September. Sorry its turned into a long essay but I would definitely recommend SHSK 100% for your precious daughter, please don’t make the mistake we did and risk your daughters childhood and well being. It really is the equivalent of MCS for girls. Any questions, please ask.

As a qualified child psychologist and mother, I always advise parents I see regularly in my practices when posed with similar dilemmas that you present a shortlist of 2-3 schools in front of a child (schools the parents are happy with based on facilities, location, academic and pastoral values you have) and empower your daughter to choose the school where SHE sees herself being the most comfortable and happy in. She is ultimately going to be the one attending for 5-7 years ( 40 + hours a week) and NOT the parents! Children have a strong intuition and see things with clarity and are not swayed with filters that adults often have ( league table position, hearsay, news reports, friends recommendation, financial position , school business sales pitch). Children always succeed in enriched environments they choose themselves ( as young as 7 years olds are mentally more than capable of knowing which school they like and see themselves studying in) . Due to your relocation, your daughters decision should be paramount, as her existing support bubble of friends and teachers to support her and navigate difficult times at school will not be there and she will be a total stranger which is a very unsettling and scary position for a child. I always ask the parents to place yourself in her 10/11 years old shoes? How happy would you be to be coerced in to a job miles away from anyone you knew, somewhere you were not comfortable and told to stay there for the next x years and to succeed? It's unhealthy pressure on a child's shoulder and totally unacceptable. She will need total confidence in her new surroundings to flourish into a young, intelligent, confident young lady. Her mental health and well being is far more important than any academic results on paper and every child craves the support of a family unit that trusts and accepts her decision making skill, which in return will enable her to excel herself in all fields and reach her unique high ceiling and accomplish her dreams without any reservations.

I think the above advice is spot on

I'd just say I know quite a lot of girls who are currently at OHS or went there and were happy and thrived. No school is right for everybody, I'd say an academic girl would get the most out of it but it seems always to get a bad rap

My daughter got accepted at both Headington and Oxford High. We let her choose and she chose Headington. And she's doing just fine and is very happy.

ME
School attended - SHSK
Recommendation - YES!!!! (DD started last year - loves it)
Rated school overall - 11/10
Occupation - GP

SIL
School attended - OHS
Recommendation - NO (my Niece starting SHSK in Sept)
Rated school overall- 5/10
Occupation - Dentist

SIL'S SISTER
School attended - HEADINGTON
Recommendation - YES
Rated school overall- 9/10
Occupation - Clinical research scientist

BIL
School attended - Local state school in Hertfordshire
Recommendation - NO (a/a my Niece starting SHSK in Sept)
Rated overall school - 7/10
Occupation - Barrister

I know of quite a few in Soxon on the bus to SHSK and boys to Abingdon. Ask about other new Yr7s coming from where you'll live. If you're new to the area she'll benefit from local friends.
However if her brothers are at MCS, it might make sense for them to be travelling in to Oxford together.

@mumofthree22 — I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment that you need to decide on a school that is the right fit for your daughter and that your daughter should be the ultimate decision-maker. As you have been given a very negative review of Oxford High, I will share our experience which has been nothing like the one described by HCHP (which I’m sorry to hear that was their experience). Our daughters have had a well-rounded education in an encouraging, supportive and empowering environment, at both the prep and senior school (though now both at SS). Our girls are complete opposites, one loves maths & sciences while the other prefers english & languages. One is sporty though a bit shy & has taken some time for her to build her self-condolence, with a smaller group of friends. Daughter 2 loves her art & drama & has a wider circle of friends. They have both flourished at OHS. There is a lot on offer in terms of clubs & extra curricular activities. We always feel supported by the teachers & the girls always feel they are able to speak up — be it if they’re struggling, but also if they want to be brave & try something new. And the school really does embrace & celebrate everything the students do, not just in the classroom but outside as well. Sure, the school might not have the shiniest facilities but they have everything we could want in a school, both academically and other. Yes, it’s an academic school, they don’t shy away from that, they are proud of their results & proud of the accomplishments of their students. But I wouldn’t say that the wellbeing of the students suffer as result of academic pressure. They also have a new Headmistress who we had the pleasure of meeting recently and left the event (albeit virtual) feeling really positive. I get the sense she’s really passionate about education and about inspiring girls to find their own passions. She also talked about being inspired by the girls & that’s what I really love about the school, I do believe that everyone there cares deeply about the pupils. It’s a shame the reputation they have from long ago lingers. The perception of the school is nothing like the reality, in my opinion. My sister is re-locating to Oxfordshire due to a recent job change & has also been looking at schools for her daughter (going into year 9), OHS being one of them she’s had an offer to. I believe they’ve been invited for a tour now the restrictions are lifting. So if you’re still undecided, my suggestion would be to visit with your daughter before settling on a school. Best of luck to you!

What did you decide to do OP? My DD is in Y7 at SHSK and loves it. Sport, drama and music are all excellent. The decision was always with our daughter. All 3 schools you mention are good ones though.

Headington has always impressed us. DD got a place there but in the end she wanted to go to the local grammar school (she would have had to board). If she hadn't we would happily have sent her there...

Hi @mumofthree22! Firstly, congratulations on the offers achieved!

I work with schools and I concur with @EternalSuccess. Trust your daughter; encourage her to imagine herself at each school, ask her opinion and note her body language and tone in each case. This is exactly what we did with our daughter a while back. She chose the less glamorous and less socially prestigious school, and the one with the lesser facilities, the school she imagined making most friends at at making friends most easily and naturally at. This was vital to her. Loved it, never looked back and is now finishing her fourth and MPhil year at Cambridge.

She knows some girls there from the schools you mention (and from MCS Sixth Form). All say they liked their schools and now seem happy enough and 'normal' enough given that background; all are successful. A close friend was at MCS Sixth Form.

Consider MCS Sixth Form in 5 years' time? .. Good luck with the decision now. And compliments on what sounds like a successful move at such short notice!

Hi. Thanks for all your replies, really appreciated the different views and experiences. In the end, We left it to our daughter to decide the school she wanted to attend out of the 3 and she choose SHSK and so she'll start in Sept. She's so excited and we are all really happy with the decision and feel it's the best school for her. Excited and looking forward to our relocation to Oxford and starting the next journey for our family.

Really glad to hear you’ve got a place and decision you are happy with. Sounds like a wonderful few years ahead of you all! And Oxford is a wonderful city.

I totally agree with giving kids input but would just say that as with all decisions made both by adults and children the degree to which people are best placed to make their own choices of school will depend on their understanding of the impact of the choice in later life and their self knowledge.

When I was still 16 and choosing an Oxbridge college in the middle of lower 6th my parents were keen for me to pick one that was more down to earth as they felt I would have a better time, but I desperately wanted to be like all the glossy alpha types I saw at the particular college I had set my heart on. As this particular ugly duckling sadly didn’t become a swan just by trying to mingle with them, this was the wrong choice for me. So actually I would say parental and friends’ views are also very useful.

That was to @EternalSuccess

[quote MsMackieB]@mumofthree22 — I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiment that you need to decide on a school that is the right fit for your daughter and that your daughter should be the ultimate decision-maker. As you have been given a very negative review of Oxford High, I will share our experience which has been nothing like the one described by HCHP (which I’m sorry to hear that was their experience). Our daughters have had a well-rounded education in an encouraging, supportive and empowering environment, at both the prep and senior school (though now both at SS). Our girls are complete opposites, one loves maths & sciences while the other prefers english & languages. One is sporty though a bit shy & has taken some time for her to build her self-condolence, with a smaller group of friends. Daughter 2 loves her art & drama & has a wider circle of friends. They have both flourished at OHS. There is a lot on offer in terms of clubs & extra curricular activities. We always feel supported by the teachers & the girls always feel they are able to speak up — be it if they’re struggling, but also if they want to be brave & try something new. And the school really does embrace & celebrate everything the students do, not just in the classroom but outside as well. Sure, the school might not have the shiniest facilities but they have everything we could want in a school, both academically and other. Yes, it’s an academic school, they don’t shy away from that, they are proud of their results & proud of the accomplishments of their students. But I wouldn’t say that the wellbeing of the students suffer as result of academic pressure. They also have a new Headmistress who we had the pleasure of meeting recently and left the event (albeit virtual) feeling really positive. I get the sense she’s really passionate about education and about inspiring girls to find their own passions. She also talked about being inspired by the girls & that’s what I really love about the school, I do believe that everyone there cares deeply about the pupils. It’s a shame the reputation they have from long ago lingers. The perception of the school is nothing like the reality, in my opinion. My sister is re-locating to Oxfordshire due to a recent job change & has also been looking at schools for her daughter (going into year 9), OHS being one of them she’s had an offer to. I believe they’ve been invited for a tour now the restrictions are lifting. So if you’re still undecided, my suggestion would be to visit with your daughter before settling on a school. Best of luck to you![/quote]
May I know if your DD studied at both OHS prep and senior schools? I read its admissions policy which says an OHS senior school offer is usually given before Y5 finishes. Does it mean that if an OHS prep pupil takes the senior school offer, it will look bad if she continues to apply for other senior schools, then she may need to take days off while these senior schools will ask OHS prep school for reference?

Glad she has chosen - I came on to say that I have had a dd at Headington and currently have a dd at SHSK and both are good schools but SHSK is IMO really stellar. Supportive kind high achieving feminist.. perfect. Brilliant art and music. Fab results without any undue pressure unlike OHS which is rife with anxiety eating disorders and unhappiness. I’m sure she will do really well at SHSK.

@Avanty sorry for delay. My DD has cut back a bit on the extra curricular and is being much pickier about what she does. So that’s her plan for keeping on top. As for work she has adopted a mode of doing what she has to do but not really putting herself out unless it’s something she is really interested in. So no late nights and no tutors. Part of me thinks she might be achieving less than she could but in the other hand she seems to have no stress. No risk of burn out!