Boarding schools for kids with (mild) SEN?

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We are Brits but don't live in the UK any longer... however we are looking for a boarding school for DS who has ADHD and possibly mild ASD. We have been holding off because he has/had epilepsy, but he is outgrowing this. We think he'd really benefit from a school with clear guidelines and timetables etc, but where we are living (Europe) doesn't have anything like this. Because we aren't in the UK, it needs to be a school where he can board for weeks at a time, not come home each weekend. He is mixed on his 'intelligence' scores; some he will score 130, some he will score 85. For example his processing speed is very low, and he is not as mature as his age would suggest. Does anyone know any schools which might be worth me looking into? He will be 12 at the start of the next school year.

Rubyrose, thanks for your personal feedback. DS has zero interest in controlling his space currently, though that may change with time. But yes, we are definitely trying to find the right solution that he'll love, not something that he'll hate.

Princessrose, thanks, that's another one I'll look into.

I think you may have difficulty accessing such specialist schools from abroad, especially without an ehcp or equivalent, and often they focus on a more vocational curriculum and core subjects rather than academics.

Have a look at Ackworth school in West Yorkshire

It's a Quaker school and the ethos is about meeting the needs of the individual within a community

It's not an SEN provision but has a good reputation for meeting the needs of the pupils and has several pupils placed there on EHCPs

It's mixed boarding and day pupils so is quieter at the weekend but not empty

You could try asking on the SN chat board. Though I have a similar DS who is 14, very bright with ASD, very young for age, also sport resistant at school but loves it once he does it (well as long as he wins and apart from getting changed) and he would not cope with any kind of boarding school but maybe your child is different and maybe they have experience of being away from home and coping. In the state sector there's not really any specialist provision for kids like this who are bright and ASD, they struggle in mainstream or are at home out of education where they often don't fair well. EHCPs aren't easy to get and also think you would need to be located in the UK - we've been trying since y7 for DS, just about to get one by end of y9, the school has to prove it can't meet their needs so he would need to be in a state school first which you would need to live here for so don't think that is a viable option if you don't want to move back. They also will only pay for part of the cheapest option and that's highly unlikely for a bright child with mild SN to be residential boarding at private school. I've never heard of anyone getting offered private at all without about £10k in legal fees being paid and a long legal fight.

We looked at private schools and they are excellent for the academic focus and smaller class sizes but they aren't always very tolerant of SN if there will be any disruption to lessons. I know someone who sent their's to a weekly boarding school for ASD as she couldn't cope with the child at home. But most of the ones I know are very young for age and very attached to their Mums who often end up having to stop work / work very part-time hours to help them and the schools. I did ask a private school if we paid for a TA would they allow that and they were fine with that but it obviously would add £20k or so to costs but would bring some stability and a person who would always be there for him. I think the specialist fees are higher by quite a bit. In the end we went with state and me not working as the only thing we could be sure of with private was the fees which I would have needed to be full-time for and never lose my job, which isn't that easy when the school calls you all the time.

I think it might be very hard for him to be away from his family, away from his country, with different relatives unless he's used to that and they are used to him and good with him, none of ours can cope. Would his siblings not miss him? My DD might moan about DS but she would be heartbroken not to have him. If I was to send one child to boarding school it would be her not him as she is mature and would communicate if there was a problem.

Have a look at Bethany School, Goudhurst, Kent has an excellent reputation for nurturing children with dyslexia.

Thanks for the detailed message, @silkiescat; it's great to hear how other people have fared, particularly from within the UK.

I've been looking at specifically SN schools (including those that deal with epilepsy), but I think that his needs are not so profound; he's only recently been confirmed to have a (shared) TA, so he's been doing it all without extra help at school up until now, but he does struggle with organisation etc; I used to help at the end of the day at pickup but since covid that's all changed as we're not allowed in the school, and he's also just moved from primary to middle school so things have changed there as well. Unfortunately he has challenges with personal space/belongings so his brother in particular is getting stressed a lot because he cannot physically get away from him, and the DS in question is missing his friends from school (we are still in distance learning here), but expects to be able to boss his siblings around, who are getting old enough not to want to be bossed around anymore. Middle child has literally been left to sink or swim throughout lockdown and could really do with some of my time, and some time out of his brother's sphere of influence, to help him shine...

Do you think your son would be happy to go to boarding school? And happy to return after a break?

can't help with schools, as I have a DD at a girls school!
But wanted to write about how successful weekly boarding was for her.
She has ASD, and ADHD 'tendancies'.
During this last lockdown, she full boarded, which she found hard. She did not like constantly having people around her, and not having much privacy. (she shared a room).
During half term at home, she practically stayed in her bedroom by herself "recharging".

Are you sure DS will cope with the full-on ness of full boarding?

More house is appeasing. Make sure you search the right one as there’s also Moor house. More House is in Frensham in Surrey. Good luck

Our dd has slow processing and I suspect Adhd Inattentive. I have looked at every option and if we could afford it our ideal would be to send her to Sidcot school for weekly boarding. It's another Quaker option, inclusive and the ethos would really suit her.
Her anxiety around not keeping up in the large classes and homework in her current mainstream is just overtaking our lives.
I was hoping by weekly boarding she would conform to a prep schedule that would reduce her worries, and ultimately give her some of her confidence and self esteem back.
We've realised the weekly boarding would be too much of a stretch financially, so have ruled it out now, but might be worth a look for your son?

SEN at Wells Cathedral School is really good - they know their stuff and are aware that SEN is not just dyslexia.

It's music department is one of the 4 UK specialist schools so he will not think he is God's gift with no practice for long but they have lots who do not do music at all and offer all sorts of music for those who don't want to spend 6 hours a day practising.

A lot of pupils do the weeks at a time and there are a lot who go to guardians for exeats etc and they can help with finding them.

Slindon College in West Sussex

Has your ds been actually tested for ADHD and if so what is he like with medication.

I am going through testing for ADHD and I also went to boarding school.

I think if your want your ds to be happy and safe then boarding school especially for weeks at a time will be a disaster.

I know I was always escaping and out in the local town at night as a teen. On my own. I can look back now and see my behaviour was risky to the extreme. All I wanted was to be not held down by having timetables and restrictions.

The fact you want somewhere with clear guidelines and timetables makes me wonder if you understand ADHD. (I also have 2 children who are also going through the same testing)

If you were in the U.K. in a certain area I do know of a senior state day school that have pupils who have mild SENs. I wish I had know about it when ds was younger. It would have been perfect for him.

Don’t get out off by individuals personal experience from their childhood - schools change and everyone is different. I don’t know much about ADHD but for ASD some kids fare very well in the structured predictable boarding environment, esp in schools which are slightly more flexible. Lots of non selective private schools have kids with SEN, as SEN are common!
I agree the Quaker based schools are a good option, eg Leighton park in reading, Sidcot. Also look at pangbourne and ship lake and bloxham.
I would advise getting diagnoses /assessments so your ds can access help required in whatever school.
We are looking at our DS1 with ASD and dyslexia going to weekly boarding from yr9 ( he would be 13)

Sibford is a Quaker school with an excellent reputation for SEN

Things might change but ADHD I can look back and see who in my family if they had a test today would have definitely been diagnosed with ADHD. The symptoms of ADHD are the same now as they were when my gf would walk out of jobs every few weeks or when he would go to the library to read up on antique clocks, painting, how to change an engine in a Land Rover.

Structured environments are something that someone with ADHD does not thrive in.

As a middle aged woman, the wrong side of 50 who has never held a job down for more than 6 weeks apart from 2 occasions where I had “structure” and was made to keep a job on 2 occasions for 10 months and ended up having a nervous breakdown both times. Trying to make someone with ADHD act like everyone else isn’t going to work.

If you do some research about ADHD you will realise structure and timetables are the worse thing you can give someone with ADHD

Me escaping the dorm to go into town was the thing that kept me sane.
I escaped primary school and walked home one day (at least). I would have to get out of the classroom a few times per day.

To help someone with ADHD then you need a proper diagnosis, medication and therapy to get them to reach their full potential and hack “normal”

I have only just started reading about ADHD and for those who don’t know a lot about it I read that cocaine and speed the effects on a person with ADHD makes them think like a non ADHD person. This I can see from my own family who would take speed just to get through a days work.
I know caffeine has no effect on me. In fact it makes me sleepy. It is about a chemical imbalance not about being a naughty child who needs disciplining in order to learn.

I'd echo what others have suggested. Definitely look at Frensham Heights and Seaford College. If you are looking for a more specialist school to really help your son shine then it's worth looking at the schools belonging to the Cavendish group. They are all very different (and not all of them are boarding) but Bredon which several posters have mentioned belongs to this group. www.cavendisheducation.com

Good luck with your search.

One of the things that I was impressed with the school that if I had known about it ds would have gone to was how they handled pupils with ADHD.
If they wanted to go and run outside or get out of the classroom during lessons they just had to put their hand up and tell the teacher they were going out.
Even got me that would have been a godsend.

Even for me that would have been a godsend

Have a look at Bromsgrove. It mixed roughly half boarding and day and seems to balance both well. The boarders are generally from international families although there are a few British DC. It means that the boarding houses don’t tend to empty at weekends. They take DC with a wide range of abilities and get the best out of them. The pastoral care is good yet focused on building independence and maturity. They have lots of experience dealing with DC with mild to moderate SEN. At 6th form they offer BTEC as well as IB and A levels which suits some DC with SEN better.

The advantage of Bromsgrove if you want your DS to board for weeks at a time is that, unlike most boarding schools, they have no exeats. This means you don’t need someone to look after your DC every 3 or 4weeks. During Covid they have kept a boarding house open all through holidays including Christmas for those where it was difficult to travel home.

Thanks to all those who've been making suggestions for schools. I really appreciate the recommendations.

I appreciate that some people feel their ADHD was 'mistreated' with boarding schools, etc, but there is a lot more at work than just ADHD in his case. The difference a good (school/)teacher makes is ENORMOUS for him. He also does much better with routine, and regular exercise/games. If we lived in the UK, I'd probably be doing weekly boarding, at least to start, to see how it goes. But we don't. So I'm looking for the best solution I can. I don't have a problem with travelling regularly to bring him home, or to spend time in the UK with him. Chances are that this wouldn't kick off in 2021, but in 2022 (because of his epilepsy), but at some point I need to start looking into details.

Do you have a diagnosis for Adhd

Yes. Also borderline dyspraxia, sensory processing disorder, epilepsy. Current diagnosis is also oppositional defiance disorder, but I believe it is actually pathological demand avoidance (which is an ASD), also expresses other ASD traits. Unfortunately finding anyone with experience in ASD amongst the other issues is next to impossible here in this country. We've tried a few but noone will do it. currently on wait list for someone who might be able to help.

I should say that with a (great) teacher, there are almost zero issues. Unfortunately he's had 2 years of really not great teachers. He's now moved into middle school so has a variety but also covid and distance learning so it's really hard to judge. He's only just been approved for a shared support teacher, so he's not had any 'extra' assistance before, and I know can do fine without extra help, as long as the teacher is OK (2 out of 2 of his 'bad' teachers were not invited back to teach the following year; for both of these teacher, oppositional behaviour was an issue).

How is he getting on with the ADHD meds