Moved dc high school, dc now having a wobble, how to help?

[JoyOrbison]

Moved y7 dc from current high school due to a number of issues (school last OFSTED special measures, bullying / behaviour is rife, the academy is in dire straits, school has become a dumping ground due to poor reputation etc)

Dc had made friends but due to a significant bullying issue we decided to move dc.

Its early days, but in week 5 tonight dc been in tears saying they want to go back to their old school as they don't know anyone (they are able to tell us about pupils at new school, but it's early days so they are more acquaintances than friends at the moment) but each day they are happy when we drop off and pick up.

Dc hasn't noticed how few friends they had at the previous school, and their so called main friend has started to block them online, been cocky or mocking dc when online.

Dc mainly plays with main friend so this, along with the main friend hardly ever replying to invites to play online etc, has made dc realise how they are currently in a phase where they may seem lonely or without a good group of friends.

We've chatted, explained why we chose to move them (it's phased so dc is aware they could move back but we gave been honest and said we absolutely don't want that) the benefits, the change we xan already see in dc.

We're encouraging dc to swap gamer rags to try pnay online with people from new school, speak to their form tutor / head of year, practising them travelling alone over the holidays to foster more independence, but what else can we do to help them through tjis dip which we did expect?

Thanks for any help!

How and why is it a phased move? How soon will the phasing end? I wonder whether your child feels particularly unsettled now because you’re at this halfway stage. And it’s unusual for a Y7 child to be taken to school. Is it a long way from home? Obviously extra-curricular activities are limited right now, but is your child involved in anything like Scouts (some groups are holding online meetings) which would give something to focus on outside school?

Hi PanelChair

Thanks for renting. It's not a standard managed move - new school offered it as we couldn't look round in lockdown and he doesn't know anyone. Had to move due to issues at high school worsening mainly bullying that had ramped up from primary with a sibling encouraging older years to get involved. School have confirmed this on paperwork - they are aware of family involved, are aware they do not engage with school and won't reiterate any concerns / punishment out of school so the issue can't be successfully resolved.

So, it's to assist dc, all pwk confirms this. A longer journey and dc did previously walk to school so at moment being taken but over Easter my pkan is to do a couple practice runs and dc will get on the bus, hopefully tat freedom and independence will help.

Does attend scouts but it's a small group and, again, lockdown means not gapoening at the moment, which is frustrating.

Am planning to fill Easter holidays with days out so minimal screen time to prevent dc from noticing how old school friends have dropped them (being kicked out of parties etc, usual stuff).

Hoping longer term I can push dc through this but doesn't want them looking back through rise tinted glasses at what was not a good time with a few friends that already are drifting.

Replying not renting!!!

Don’t worry, I knew what you meant! I’m sorry I don’t have anything more to suggest, beyond waiting it out.

I think time is the answer! But thanks again for replying

such a difficult time for kids generally at the mo... you mention a 'bullying issue' - was your dc being bullied or do you just mean a general bullying issue at the old school?

either way I think, having made the decision if you remain convinced about it then you have to stick to your guns? Speak to the new school about your concerns and encourage your dc to join in as far as possible at the moment. Hopefully the new term will bring a turning point?

Hi DarlingOscar

Bullying was a specific issue for dc. Had been a poorly managed issue through primary with parents that would hear no wrong if their child. Dc confidence wrecked, ostracised by most peers as bully effectively isolated dc from group events at break, waiting to access classrooms etc, worked with primary to ensure Seperate at high school, assumed sorted but over lockdown, when other child was in same area of school with siblings it's ramped up with bully bringing mates into join in, dc being targeted in way into school, pupils waiting at entrance points to follow and intimidate, same at breaks and lunch, so only goid thing was it gave us a glimpse of what would happen in the future when y7 pupils no longer Seperate from other tears, so we knew we needed to make a decision and move.

As it's lockdown dc is using xbox to contact friends, all based at old school, always been careful who they add as friends so not huge amounts, but this week dc has either been ignored by every friend or invited into parties to be kicked out or blanked by others, so whereas over time I expected friendships to fade, but while friendships got made at new school, now friendships have been severed so dc absolutely gutted as still early days at new school and not really made 'friends', but is starting to chat to people.

Just so fucked off. Dc has been dealt such a shit hand. I am toying with contacting a parent of who dc considered their best friend to ask them to chat to dc to find out what's going on and why dc is being blanked. But holding back in case I come across like a loon!