Westminster School dossier of sex assault

[marilynnegilead]

Has anyone seen this in the Times?
What is going on in the world today?

The private school sector has been hit by new “rape culture” allegations after it emerged that pupils at one of the country’s most prestigious institutions have compiled a dossier of sex assault and abuse claims.

Current and former pupils at Westminster School, which has educated six prime ministers, accused it of fostering an environment where “harassment and abuse was a fact of everyday life for female students”.

The 21-page document includes 76 entries from students. There are claims they were left traumatised and humiliated by being forced to perform sex acts on boys against their will, received threats of sexual assault and were joked about as “gang rape” victims.

I've read letters from Dulwich College and Kings college Wimbledon as well. They're openly available online.

I'm truly shocked, depressed and saddened by the testimonies I've read, with the Heads & teachers witnessing it and doing nothing about it.

Same for Eton, St. Paul's and Latimer.

Do we really need an other thread on this? There are others already been going for a week and a lot of upset parents and children at these schools. Westminster's already got its own thread.

@hongkong007 I'm sure it is even more upsetting for the vicitms of the KCS boys?

@hongkong007 can you direct me to the Westminster thread

Hongkong007

I can’t see the Westminster thread either.

This is an important subject, and should not be quickly dismissed. Inter alia we are talking about the first generation of boys who have had easy access to porn on their smartphones from an early age. There needs to be conversation about boundaries and expectations. I am pleased that so many girls have come forward.

FWIW DD went to two of these schools, LU and Westminster. She did not have any problems but is not surprised at the testimonies, which are in line with a couple of difficult experiences she has had at University (and felt unable to report even though she knew of others who had had issues with one of the boys.)

Do we really need an other thread on this?

Yes. The more this is brought into the open the better.

I’m not dismissing it at all- I have DDs and DSs at some of the schools mentioned. There are several threads on the ‘Education’ board including a specific one on Westminster.

It needs to be talked about. The more the better.

It’s the only way to move forward in a positive way.

It’s an undeniable problem that needs addressing.

Link?

After your post I searched several pages on the secondary education board and found threads on LU and Kings but not Westminster. Were your DC at Westminster? Do you have a view?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/education/4197146-Shocking-Westminster-School-allegations

Come on....a four post thread on a different board is hardly a discussion.

What is about the shocking allegations that people find so easy to dismiss. The message that goes out so often is that girls don’t count: their needs don’t count; their boundaries don’t count; their safety does not count.

My fear/assumption is that the reason that these stories are coming out from highly selective private schools where girls are relatively confident and able to speak out, but the problem is widespread.

Public schools have been hotbeds of abuse for hundreds of years. The PM's attitude towards "staffing money up the wall" in relation to investigations of abuse generally are testament to that.

They are organisations sick to their core and this is yet another argument to close them down. They perpetuate power in a nasty clique who go on to view power as a right.

@Needmoresleep

Come on....a four post thread on a different board is hardly a discussion.

What is about the shocking allegations that people find so easy to dismiss. The message that goes out so often is that girls don’t count: their needs don’t count; their boundaries don’t count; their safety does not count.

My fear/assumption is that the reason that these stories are coming out from highly selective private schools where girls are relatively confident and able to speak out, but the problem is widespread.

Whilst I agree girls voice, women's voice need to be heard more and more across society, I also think girls need to be taught first to report to adults responsible for their care, not social media, about their experience so that direct, immediate and targeted action towards the responsible individuals can be taken. What is the point of accusing the entire boyhood?

Did the girls report these experiences with any adult? It doesn't mean they agree to the actions if they didn't report. I fully sympathize with young girls feeling lost and confused but I also know that boys this age constantly test boundaries and push against every limit until they are told to stop. That's how they learn. That's the reason why more men end up in prison than women. No excuse of any wrong behaviour.

I'm sure every son's mother's worst nightmare is to hear their child's being accused of sexual assault. In this society, they are often assumed guilty until proven innocent. Imagine the impact on mental health of our young men.

I think the lesson from all this is more discussion with girls and boys about respecting each other always, respecting each others differences and reaching out for help from adults whenever any discomfort is felt. This applies to not only gender differences but all other differences. Stay away from social media.

DDs experience was that schools vary in how easy it is to report. Whilst she and DS were at Westminster there were a few unpleasant incidents. DC knew about them because they were reported and the school took prompt action. The key, I think, was that Westminster had a ‘Head of Girls’ who carried clout in the staff room and took her role seriously. DD also had a female Head of House and another female teacher, who she trusted.

I think the issue breaks up into two, maybe three:

• why is this behaviour happening
• how effective are reporting procedures
• to what extend do young people understand that some behaviours are unacceptable, and that they need to call out behaviours they witness that are unacceptable in order support their peers. All too often boys support each other even though some are uncomfortable with the ‘laddish’ behaviour, whilst girls can be reluctant to back up their friends. Perhaps for fear of becoming targets.

I think when you look at statistics of how many rape and assault cases get brought to trial and sentenced, you'd understand why girls feel there's no point reportimg them. Of course this is not right, but the reality is that reporting is as stressful for the victim as the accused. And it's particularly hard when you're embedded in a culture where this behaviour is normalised. At least the discussions are happening now and teenagers are becoming more aware of what is acceptable and what isn't.

Dosen't suprise me, we've experienced a private school where safeguarding looked fine on paper but non existent in practice. When we asked questions about concerns they ignored us and
approached our child instead to discuss matters in a very hostile manner.
They were only concerned about protecting the schools reputation , instead of getting to the root of any issues.

Horrifying, and I can’t believe posters are worried about current children at these schools being upset about these media articles... they haven’t been the victims of these crimes thank goodness. I feel the tide is turning on exposing the reality of life in these elite schools - I experienced some pretty awful things myself and I would never have dared say anything because one never said anything that might rock the boat with such august institutions. Not just girls, DH was at Cheam Prep and teachers allowed a teacher who had been abusing boys to go quietly to another school. Parents knew what was going on but didn’t do anything as it was one did not do anything to tar the name of the school, goodness gracious no.
So glad my DD’s might feel they have a voice, and let’s hope more brave girls stand up and tell it as it is at these schools that they are supposed to feel so blessed to have attended.

Dosen't suprise me, we've experienced a private school where safeguarding looked fine on paper but non existent in practice.

Yes. Same.

All schools want allegations of this type hushed up, private and state. I worked in a grammar school (boys) and the misogyny was so ingrained in them I was gobsmacked. Allegations were rife of male on female assaults (they were twinned with the girls grammar school) and male on male assaults (shockingly the police used to put all these down to "experimenting").

I was on the counselling team and a lot of the boys just didn't care that they were so misogynistic and just said everyone does it. I used to say what if someone did/said that to your girlfriend/sister/mum etc.... and they admitted they would be angry, but didn't see the hypocrisy in their actions.

The police needs to take these allegations seriously and the cps follow through with charges. Then we might see some changes.

My DD is going for her Westminster interviews on Saturday and she is concerned about the small number of girls in the school and wonders if girls are being sufficiently supported and heard, including academically. Would love to hear from current Westminster parents.

Why is it happening?

Porn. Have you seen what happens to women online in the fantasies of men?

Every day I see more and more women murdered by men, Sarah Everhard to name but one. Always it's by young men who have grown to believe that rape is normal and even rough sex that leads to death is normal. More and more cases of women dragged off the road or in parks, raped, then killed.

Porn has normalised rape culture and to some extent snuff sex culture.

There are channels on YouTube about how to text, how to say the right things, how to get a girl into bed, how to make her feel guilty, how to make her feel safe, how to make her feel loved, how to get exactly what you want out of her.

There are even courses you can buy online about what to say and do to get a girl to get her to give out whatever you want. The kind of things I have seen you wouldn't believe. Women are viewed purely as conquests.

Young women are being preyed upon because the internet is the wild west and there is no control about what is seen these days and fantasy is blending into reality where young men think women are for their pleasure and taking and that alone.

All that hard work we fought for, for hundreds of years to attain equal rights and it's blown away in 10 short years of high-speed internet and iphones.

When did erectile dysfuntion appear in GP surgeries across the country? 2000s - the age of ADSL - when video speeds got fast enough on phones, computers everywhere to enable glitch-free screening.

Mothers and fathers of sons out there: talk to your sons about porn. Explain it is not reality. Explain this is NOT what women want. They don't want to be strangled, bitten, slapped, forced.

Sex is not their right, it's a two way thing. Too many parents avoiding the subject, pretending it's not happening.

It's your responsibility as their parents to explain it. No parent wants to talk about sex with their kids, it feels odd - but you wouldn't just allow them to smoke a pack of cigarettes or down a bottle of vodka without explaining the consequences.

Why when it comes to sex and porn, so many parents avoid the subject, brush it under the carpet, pretend it's not happening.

Porn is just as addictive and damaging as any other kind of dopamine driven activity.

www.standard.co.uk/news/health/huge-rise-in-young-men-who-seek-help-for-impotence-after-watching-web-porn-charity-finds-a3895881.html

@MamaNYC

My DD is going for her Westminster interviews on Saturday and she is concerned about the small number of girls in the school and wonders if girls are being sufficiently supported and heard, including academically. Would love to hear from current Westminster parents.

@MamaNYC I think you will get more replies if you start your own thread with a more direct title. I think girls make up close to 40% of the sixth form so not especially outnumbered. From eyeballing it, they seem to get if anything more than their pro rata share of positions of responsibility etc. Obviously with three years of just boys below them, they are much outnumbered across the school body as a whole, but I’d that is a problem, I guess don’t move her to a boys’ school?