Teacher’s inappropriate behaviour

[countrygirl34]

I’m posting this with the hope of getting some advice. My daughter mentioned today that she’s not enjoying a certain subject as the teacher has decided to make an make an ongoing class joke about her and the boy she sits next to being an item (they are not but that is irrelevant) The joke involves him pretending to spot the boy trying to put his arm around her, pretending that they are gazing at each other and other bizarre comments which my daughter finds annoying and the boy next to her is apparently mortified by. Apparently he gets a big laugh from the class every time. She doesn’t want to confront him as she’s worried about him marking her down- she says he has favourites in the class. I mentioned this to a friend and she asked her slightly older daughter about it who said that he and several other teachers make them uncomfortable but they’ve just accepted that they are, in their words, ‘just dicks’ . Has anyone else had this situation and what have they done about it? I want to talk to the year head but my daughter doesn’t want me to. I’m frankly furious that she has to put up with this and also concerned that he is apparently being promoted next year. Wwyd?

Email the school.

Not appropriate.
Not funny. Teacher needs to grow up.
I am a teacher.

Absolutely appalling behaviour on the part of the teacher. I’d be going straight to the Head, never mind the HOY. I’m a teacher.

Email school, behaviour is inappropriate and needs to be addressed.

I would suggest emailing head of house, if she has one? If not, head of subject who would be that teachers direct line manager.

I would ask for a Zoom meeting to discuss the conduct of said teacher, with both head and teacher in attendance. You need to cause a huge fuss. Tell them it’s sexual harassment because the teacher should not be raising the topic of sexual behaviour in class. And also they are discriminating by assuming your daughter’s sexual orientation i.e. assuming she likes males. This is bullying, plain and simple. I would be aiming for a disciplinary for the teacher and would strongly suggest that it’s inappropriate to promote him.

Another teacher here; it's inappropriate and you should contact the school. Head or year/department/headteacher depending on who you are most comfortable contacting.

Make it clear that your daughter is already highly embarrassed/humiliated by the behaviour and it needs to be addressed with the teacher privately with no consequences for your daughter other than the cessation of the teacher's behaviour.

Secondary teacher here.
Contact school - no way should this be happening. He's being massively inappropriate.

Your poor girl - I really feel for her.

Total abuse of power.

Because students feels like they have to out up with being embarrassed and made to feel small and as if can't speak up in order not to get a lower grade.

Email the school.

That's the sort of thing that would've happened decades ago - I hadn't thought any teacher would think they could do that now. As others have said, contact the school.

Ugh. I remember when I was about 14 having a wanker teacher who behaved like that in class. Constantly joking about, pure David Brent, even looked like David Brent. One day he went too far -- by picking through my bag looking for something to make fun of. I exploded at him, I was all red in the face and shrieky. I told him he was meant to be teaching us, not showing off. He went all white and quiet and never bothered me again. Slimeball.

I remember this happening when I was at school in the 90s and would never have imagined teachers, would still do this!!

Totally inappropriate. Please speak to the school.

Disgusting behaviour. Bullying, pls raise with head asap. this could be traumatising for your girl and the boy. Massive abuse of power. What an idiot

Thank you all. I found myself doubting my reaction because, as some of you said, this was also quite common in my high school in the 80’s/ 90’s and we were supposed to just ignore it/ not draw attention to ourselves. Part of me feels that teachers will think I am overreacting - as they did back then- so I am relieved to see the teachers amongst you do not think that. Have good weekends.

He is embarrassing/humiliating your dd and the boy who sits near her, purely to get a laugh. It is totally inappropriate.

I agree with @User0ne

It needs to be addressed and needs to be made clear to the school that there must be no consequence to your dd.

I’d also say that this teacher is encouraging bullying by classmates - almost facilitating it. He is encouraging a focus on romantic/ sexual relationships rather than the business of the classroom. Any defence proffered on grounds that social interaction and relationship teaching forms part of his wider role should be rebutted by emphasising that one expects adult teaching staff to promote a mature sensible attitude to relationships, not puerile name calling. Also very tone deaf in current climate re sexual harassment of schoolgirls. He’s also wasting time. Why is it appropriate to do that when teens don’t need any encouragement to focus on things other than work?

Agree with all the above. I'm a teacher too.

Tell your daughter that although she doesn't want you to say anything, it's really inappropriate behaviour from the teacher. He won't mark her down, or say anything to her and if he does she should know that what he is saying is wrong. He may feel its a joke, but it's not appropriate. And should be told so.

I'd be furious!

@countrygirl34

Hi, straight to the top of the school and only telling, not justifying your note and not questioning whether you’ve got it right, in your narrative. Let there be no doubt in your note that you expect this to stop. I’d be fuming. Agree with everyone who has replied.

I'm a teacher and definitely feel you need to contact the school, not just for your child but potentially others who are going through this. If you know the head of department I would e-mail them, if not email the head of year and pastoral team (if you have more than just one person in the year team). They will be able to ensure that the matter gets looked into.

Disgraceful behaviour from a professional. I'd go straight to the headteacher. Ex teacher, here.

Totally wrong. You need to show your daughter that she shouldn't have to accept this type of behaviour. If she suffers as a result of your complaint you need to complain again, utterly unacceptable (from a teacher's point of view).

Also teacher. That's odd.

As a parent, I personally wouldn't want my daughter (or son's) in his class.

''Just xxxx" I find concerning. How old is she OP?

I'd be furious.

A total breach of pastoral care. You need to be firm with the school about your displeasure.

Sorry your dd has to go through this.

I have spoken to the Year Head who is speaking to my daughter today. My daughter is very comfortable talking to her and the teacher will not be there so I didn’t feel the need to be with her. If she has to face the teacher I will ask to be with her. The teacher in question changed the seating plan this week and is now making similar comments to another 2 students, one of whom apparently told him he was being inappropriate. Hopefully it will get sorted. Thank you for your support.