Keep a teenager motivated to do well in GSCE's

[Bluebellberry]

How do you keep a teenager motivated to do well in their GSCE's?

When dc younger, I was very lucky as dc has always been bright, very self-motivated and a high achiever.

However... Fast forward to year 10 and its a totally different story- they have lost interest, say they don't care about grades and so on. Dc has been saying the feel too much pressure from GCSE's. They say amount and level of work is too much its too intense,and they are very unhappy.

DC is no longer self-motivated at all, they constantly sneaking onto tiktok etc.

I don't know what to do- how do I get them to keep trying their best? What is the best approach? I don't want to make it worse! Any advice would be great or even just hearing from someone in the same boat .

No idea. Don't have a pandemic in the middle of their GCSE course?

They are probably as exhausted and stressed as the rest of us. Keep a real eye on their mental health.

Remove phone when doing homework.

It is tough. My year 11 just been told to isolate AGAIN due to a contact at school.
He is depressed about it...
I will be at work and will have to trust he is working as effectively as he can...

Y10 is a tricky year, and the last 12 months have been super tough. I would back right off until Easter at least and reduce the pressure your teen is under. Give them a bit of a chance to settle back into the school routine (which is exhausting for everyone at the moment).

And then after Easter try to build things back up but be realistic and allow time for socialising and hobbies.

Take a break from talking about GCSEs.

Gently start talking about career options instead in a low stress way. What kinds of careers would be fun? What would your DC be good at? Is financial reward important to DC?

Doesn't matter what the answers are at first...just keep talking. Try to keep it light hearted. Encourage DC to explore and find out more. Weigh pros and cons together. Maybe there are options both of you have never thought much about before.

If you do hit on any careers that resonate well with DC...talk about finding out what's required to get there. And go from there. Maybe the GCSEs matter, maybe they don't matter quite so much. Talk about what success looks like in different professions. Who is successful in that job now? How did they get there? Where do you think they were spending their time when they were DC's age?

And inevitably, yes... What does DC think a good job looks like in a post-pandemic world?

Lots of doors look like they are closed now. But in reality, opportunities abound. There are people who will come out of this crisis doing jobs they love and making enough or more than enough money. How can your DC be one of those people?

Ds2 is year 10. That talk Bitter is suggesting we had a few years ago with both children.

Basically, we said that the bank of Mum and Dad does not go on forever, at some point you will move out of this house (pointed out we don't live with our parents) and we would like you to be able to afford things, like the computer games you enjoy, probably a car so you don't have to go on the bus, no doubt you would like holidays and a nice house to live in etc. We want to help you achieve that which is why we care so much about your education and the doors it opens.

Luckily school's message is all about choices, they say we want you to get the best results you can for you so that you have a choice in what job you choose rather than this is all I am qualified to get.

For fun we looked up the price of cars and houses locally to us and told them roughly what a bank would lend then on X salary. We told them we wanted them to be able to buy the latest console and the games that go with it, or if your mates are having a weekend away somewhere that you can afford to go too and not miss out. Basically stuff they understood now.

And yes it is shit but I also pointed out that lots of schools have provided a good lockdown education and that you will be competing against not only your classmates but the rest of the country when it comes to exams. Ds1's mate missed his maths grade 6 requirement to do maths A level so he had to choose another course completely on results day. These are sadly the realities.

@BitterMelon said it perfectly. Motivation can come from how your child sees him/herself in the future. My son quit computer games almost overnight because he decided he didn't want to be 'that kind of person' anymore. Very black and white but that's how teenagers tend to think. If your child can invision their future self, that may make the journey to get there clearer.

@Bluebellberry I completely understand this. Seems like exactly how I experienced. Believe me this attitude will change. Unfortunately time is not on our and their side yet. I dragged my DS and managed to motivate him to do well in GCSE based on his future uni ambition and then all of a sudden hit rock bottom as gcse got cancelled at last hour. This experience did not help and over several months (lockdown, plus self isolation couple of times) made things worse till very recently I can see he has pulled his socks up again. So yes we all need to be positive and keep our conversation going with them. :-)

I think it is normal, my y11 has no motivation

I don’t have much motivation for my work either

I think we are all a bit burned out and need to not talk about stuff like gcse but instead focus on fun things and friendship and maybe just start your DC to imagine a future, what they’d like to do, what sort of person. It does not have to be an amazing career, it can be anything like “seeing the world and speaking fluent Spanish”, “working with kids”, working in something sport related, something academic, whatever. It’s not about talking them into becoming lawyers, bankers or doctors but more about what makes them tick (do as a parent it’s about listening, asking questions). Once you know a bit mire about what you want to do in the future, it’s much more motivating than a nagging parent

It's so difficult isn't it? We've just tried to keep the communication channels open. There seem to be regular updates on what syllabus will be examined and we are just trying to support him through it all.

We have also offered a small financial incentive as it won't be long until he's 17 and wanting driving lessons and that did seem to buoy his spirits.

Best of luck to all, let's hope that their A level courses won't be affected too.