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Secondary education

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GCSE yr 11 dyslexia anxiety school not known for being tactful/handling things well

7 replies

Spring2021 · 16/03/2021 10:48

DD is in YR11 at a large Comp in England. She has been quite moody at home since around the time of lockdown one and our relationship is quite strained and difficult. Her bedroom is a tip but she behaves at school but is extremely quiet at school and isn’t pushing boundaries too much at home other than messy unhygienic room and wanting to be on her phone and ipad to the exclusion of almost everything else.
She was awarded extra time in the December mocks as I kicked up a stink but in all her previous timed tests which may have been used for CAG grades she wasn’t given any extra time. But unfortunately she didn’t use this extra time as the rooms were freezing cold (windows flung wide open all day due to covid, she was shivering and practically blue when I picked her up) and the way the exams were organised it would have meant her staying behind at the end of the school day (and she had already to be in school half an hour early for morning exams) also she was tired and didn’t want to stay with invigilators she didn’t know or feel comfortable with and they didn’t seem to keen on the kids with extra time staying behind. Then lockdown happened so she/we haven’t said anything. Her grades were terrible.
She hates her maths teacher with a passion and she is talking about them getting grade 5’s for GCSE when she was predicted 6’s or 7’s she is meant to be in set two.
Also in the Christmas mocks she ended up getting U’s in two of her science subjects one of which she wanted to take at A level.
She hardly speaks to us and trying to engage her in any conversation is extremely difficult. But this morning she went on a stressy rant about having lots of tests at the end of March and wasn’t clear whether she would get any extra time as they were in lesson time etc. I think this was a cry for help. I would really just like to sit with her and cuddle her and help her through this but she goes mad if we show any affection at all for her.
We had her tested for dyslexia in Primary School as we were concerned about her reading and writing and how this could impact on her learning, education, life chances etc.
But as she was quietly bright and doing ok so she hasn’t really received any support at Secondary School (other than the odd hour a week for a short number of weeks once or twice). She hates having any attention on her from teachers, pupils and or ourselves their are other reasons as well so we have wondered whether she maybe on the spectrum especially in the last 10 months. She is also quite jealous of her older brother (they are fairly close in age) but he is extremely academic, brags about it but doesn’t appear to work to hard.

Should I try and speak to someone in school and who would you suggest I spoke to. Her form tutor is new and only really took over at the end of last year and DD also isn’t keen on her. What would you do I know the teachers are stressed and have a lot on but I don’t want DD to be overlooked?

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 16/03/2021 11:05

I would contact the head of year & SENCO and ask for reassurance on how extra time is to be provided for in class assessments.

Then get your DD to remind / ask all class teachers the lesson before any assessment about her extra time if it hasn't been explicitly mentioned by that teacher.
e.g. 'Miss, so I get my extra time shall I turn up in break to get started?' or whatever.
We used that technique with both DDs

Spring2021 · 16/03/2021 11:12

Sorry I should have said on the two occasions I have contacted school they made a complete pigs ear of things and managed to make both situations much worse not better.

OP posts:
Spring2021 · 16/03/2021 11:15

Thanks @TeenMinusTests that would be the ideal but she just likes to blend in and doesn’t like a fuss.
It is extremely difficult to speak to anyone at her school you have to email in and even if you request a phone call one is rarely forthcoming. Should I mention about the missed extra time now too. Its all such a mess.

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 16/03/2021 11:29

It is worth asking HOY to remind teachers that previous grades were done without her extra time. However I guess they could argue that in Dec she chose not to use it...

I do think that if at all possible, she should be encouraged to really try to mention it herself to the teachers as that gives her 'agency' and it is the best way of making sure she gets the time she deserves.

I realise that might not be possible, but going forward people will expect more and more for her to be able to speak up for herself. She needs to put her grades above blending in, if she possible can.

Spring2021 · 16/03/2021 11:59

Thanks yes I realise this and have tried but she is tall so stands out anyway and doesn’t like this and isn’t confident or comfortable with any fuss or attention drawn to her.

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 16/03/2021 12:11

Maybe a quiet word at the end or start of the lesson?

I think being tall is even harder for a girl than being small. My 16yo is still under 5 foot, so she gets overlooked (figuratively and literally) a lot. It must be hard for a tall girl who is self conscious.

SusannaMorvern · 17/03/2021 16:42

I'm not in England, but the exams officer and SENCO deal with this kind of thing at our school. We were in a similar situation where my daughter didn't get the extra time that she should have done in her mocks and didn't do as well as expected. We didn't push as they were just mocks, but now all of a sudden they aren't 'just' mocks. I have contacted the school and as they have no clue what work will be used for assessments, they've not been much help.

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