How common is sexual harassment in secondary schools?

[Justajot]

I have two DDs in primary school and have wondered for a while whether they are likely to be harassed at secondary school. I went to girls schools so long ago, that I don't think I have any relevant knowledge of behaviour in secondary schools.

[BluebellsGreenbells]

They girls learn that they report abuse and it doesn’t stop.

It’s not dealt with. It’s not taken seriously.

Both my DDs have experienced - one is particularly feisty and gave him a few sharp kicks in the shin! He then retreated and shouted abuse, in front of a teacher who never stepped in.

They learn to put up and shut up.

Until you change the culture and have a sexual harassment policy when parents are called in and boys removed then it will continue.

[TrebleIt]

Sexual harassment should be covered under the Behaviour and Anti-Bullying policies. If it isn't, you can complain to governors.

Education about harassment should be covered in the SRE policy, and is part of the new compulsory SRE curriculum.

[Justajot]

I found @GivenchyDahhling's response reassuring and then many of the subsequent ones seemed to contradict that. I wonder if there's a lot of 'low level' sexual harassment that goes unreported.

I also wonder whether people have different ideas as to what constitutes sexual harassment. Does it have to be physical for anyone to care and respond? Without adequate boundaries at school, I am unsurprised that all men don't know what the boundaries are in wider society.

[Cindersrellie]

@AlexaShutUp

I'm in my 30s, sexually harassed by my male physics teacher in secondary school.

I'm older than you, *@Cindersrellie*, but can't help but wonder if we went to the same school.

My dd is 15, and we have been talking about this recently. She has never experienced any sexual harassment in school. She has encountered sexist comments, which she has challenged vociferously. Her particular group of friends are nice kids, though, and I suspect that some of the other girls in her year are exposed to much more questionable behaviour.

Mine was in Hampshire.

[PresentingPercy]

Parents teach children. We really cannot rely on schools. Parents have the ultimate responsibility for bringing up decent human beings.

However, some Parents don’t seem to bother about what some boys are like. They are laddish but parents think that’s ok. The dads are/were probably like it themselves. They were the wolf-whistlers, the ones who leered out of car windows, the name callers, the ones who laughed at the sporty girls with no make up. How are we going to get boys and men to be pleasant when some are clearly not taught manners and common decency from a young age?

[PresentingPercy]

Girls haven’t reported harassment because no one deals with it.

[TrebleIt]

They deal with it at my children's school. But importantly they're also teach what harassment is, so students can recognise it and know that it's wrong. When I was young, getting a wolf whistle was seen as a compliment. There has been a gradual cultural shift since then. It was never going to change overnight.

But you can't talk about the responsibilities of schools and parents without also talking about the significant influence of the media. I grew up seeing women on tv as objects of desire that need rescuing and usually melt into the arms of their protectors, sometimes with a slap across the face to remind them who's boss. Now young people see much stronger female characters, but they're often sexually confident and promiscuous and that's seen as a normal way to be. It spices up TV, but it doesn't reflect real life and is damaging.

[ChameleonClara]

It is very common but schools are in denial. Most of it goes unreported. Things like pinging bra straps, touching, making comments - every day.

Schools incorrectly don't define this low-level stuff as harassment and focus only on sexual assault or persistent harassment.

[TrebleIt]

If my daughter's bra strap was being pinged at school, and she didn't feel confident about telling the teacher herself, I would write to the school. If parents aren't doing that, they should be. But some parents think "that's how it was when I was at school so it's normal." But it isn't, and good schools do take it seriously. Ours is a relatively small school, so maybe that helps, but all schools should be dealing with it under their behaviour and bullying policies.

[Beamur]

I don't think it's fair to blame parents either. Most of the unpleasant boys at DD's school have perfectly nice parents. But there will be some boys with bad attitudes, and these behaviours spread. It then becomes the norm, I think teachers don't challenge it enough, but suspect that they've got enough they're being made responsible for already. There really needs to be a zero tolerance approach to all the low-level crap.

[ChameleonClara]

Schools should deal with it but you're living in fantasy land if you think every girl tells their parents about every incident and then every parent reports every incident and every school follows up every time.

Dealing with low level sexist bullshit is draining. Many women and girls zone it out or deal with it by telling the boy to fuck off.

Of course it happens constantly. As it does everywhere else.

[TrebleIt]

As it does everywhere else.
If it happened in my office people would call it out in a heartbeat and the perpetrators would be disciplined. So no, it doesn't happen everywhere, and with the right training, and time, a cultural shift is possible.

[Seatime]

Send your girls to all female schools, it will give them a chance to grow up without 'school boyfriends', porn on phones, being rated as pretty or not, or which girl is sexually available, these l have seen in co-ed schools.

[TrebleIt]

Single sex schools aren't the answer, any more than separating races and religions at school is the answer to racism and inter-cultural tolerance. Children need to mix, and schools need new systems to deal with things that used to be culturally acceptable but no longer are.

[PresentingPercy]

Ehh do girls need to mix with boys they find distasteful? If they go to a girls’ school, they are much freer to choose their own male friends. Girls in girls schools are perfectly normal and not boy mad. Quite discerning in fact.

I don’t think parents who have objectionable boy children can ever be perfectly nice. They have not picked up on their boy’s behaviour and if they have, they have done little about it. Boys are often expected to be laddish and parents give boys a lot of space to be “boys”. How that affects others is rarely thought about.

There is no way that school can address these ingrained beliefs in male pupils. It starts in the home. It means parents must be aware of their son’s personalities during their upbringing. The boys need guidance and good role models. Parents have a massive role to play.

[Giggorata]

[quote Iamsodone]@Giggorata when you say constant do you mean inside schools, at parties, walking down the streets?[/quote]
I meant in secondary schools.

And I agree that from what I have heard from the girls, that most schools seem to be in denial.

[Groundhogday2021]

I don’t see this as as co-Ed v single sex problem. I think it’s universal. Some of the testimonies on everyonesinvited were from single sex schools!! Both boys and girls. And it’s not always something that happens at school but more likely outside. I would rather my daughter was hanging out with boys from school, whose parents I know and can contact if any trouble, rather than with complete strangers! Girls at all girls schools are not blind to attraction and still like boys... in fact apparently they are more likely to be more obsessed with them than those who mix with boys every day!

This is more about teaching the youth of today how to recognise and deal with unwanted behaviour. Very difficult in these times of constant social media access and not helped by rappers/artists who seem to be obsessed by sex (WAP springs to mind)! In my day, Frankie was banned from relaxing but these days it’s anything goes!! Not surprised our kids have a strange view on life!

[Hurtandupset2]

I really don't think it's something that most schools take seriously, and unfortunately, many girls seemed resigned to it as being normal behaviour for boys (looking at porn, making suggestive comments, etc).

It always seems that it's left for girls to change their behaviour or dress rather than tackling the boys' views. Just because it's easier, I'm guessing. Doesn't make it right though.

They've changed the uniform at my dd's school as they decided that knee high socks and just above knee length skirt were too suggestive/sexual and were too distracting for males within the school.

Rather than educate the boys, they decided it was the girls' fault for enticing them to look/distracting them from their work and changed the uniform instead.

[Stokey]

That's pretty depressing @Hurtandupset2. Such a tired way of thinking, blaming girls for boys' inability to control themselves.

I agree it's about education both from parents and at school. And clear lines as to what constitutes sexual harassment.

[PipaJJ]

I think it depends on the school.
Just heard major issue raised at Fine Arts in Belize Park - which is just down the road and supposed to be a good school!

[PresentingPercy]

I think bullying can happen in all schools. I cannot see how sexual harassment happens in single sec schools. I can see there might be homophobic comments or comments relating to sexuality but I don’t really feel that’s what most people are talking about with regard to sexual harassment.

Schools are responsible for DCs behaviour on the way home. It’s also important that heads talk to each other if boys at another school harass girls on the way home. No one should stay silent. No girl should have to eat trousers to rebuff the attention of boys. Or cycling shorts. Or long skirts.

[bushhbb]

I finished secondary in 2017 and it was very common. I had quite a lot.

I think it was worse around years 7-9 from what I witnessed, and boys started being friends with girls after that

For me it was all the way through though. But this is only my experience. Unfortunately it's likely for girls to have at least some brush of inappropriate encounters imo, depends on the school too I guess

[scentedgeranium]

DD was verbally harassed walking home from school by a boy in her year. She didn't tell me at the time bc she didn't want me to make a fuss.
Far worse was the bullying she experienced from other girls in her year. Far far worse.
So I'd say that inside school they're pretty good at making sure it doesn't happen. Girl I. Girl bullying though? Awful. One head of year told me 'oh I can't believe little Florence would do that - her family are so nice'. Just brushed away

[ChameleonClara]

@TrebleIt

As it does everywhere else.
If it happened in my office people would call it out in a heartbeat and the perpetrators would be disciplined. So no, it doesn't happen everywhere, and with the right training, and time, a cultural shift is possible.

Sexual harassment is widespread in workplaces. This doesn't mean in every workplace but still happens in many.

In my own workplace it is very rare amongst staff - but very widespread between the service users.

Schools are not workplaces to the pupils.

[PresentingPercy]

Obviously “eat” should have been “wear” in my earlier pdf!

Schools must have behaviour policies and discipline policies. They must include sanctions. They also must teach PHSE. However by the time you have sexually interested boys, it’s almost too late. Some change from being ok at primary to nightmares a few years later. Schools can do a lot to not tolerate sexual behaviour but they often tolerate it. As the parents do. Perhaps this will be a wake up call to schools and parent alike?