Depressed Year 11 - what if he were to just drop out now

[BrightBlueCast]

My DS / Year 11 / ASD has been struggling with depression since the first lockdown. We're on the waiting list for CAMHS but a long way off seeing anyone yet. Have been trying privately to no avail. He sees the school counsellor which helps a bit.

Everything has been difficult. The first lockdown was 'here's the work, do it in your own time/to own schedule' and that didn't go well. Then there was the autumn term back in school, he hated that and was off sick quite a lot. Last lockdown, just ended, was 'face to face and school timetable' which was also very mixed as he struggled to get up and engage.

Tuesday was first day back and he came home in such a state I thought 'this has to change' too. So I've kept him at home and have asked school if we can look at a reduced timetable and reduced workload. They've suggested this before and they are really helpful. However they want him to pop in to do his next covid test this morning, and then go in for a face to face chat. Even this is too much for him and he's refusing to get out of bed.

I've tried everything. Bribery, incentives, compromises, anger (not proud of that), encouragement etc etc. I feel we've reached the end of the line.

Anyone know what would happen if he just never went back? But didn't engage from home either. ie, if he just dropped out. Would they be obliged to assess work done so far and assess him on that? Would we have to un-enrol him? Or would we ask the GP to sign him off as sick (which he is). His grades have always ranged between 6 and 9 for all his subjects. Even his half-arsed mocks in October brought him good results. All enough to get back into the sixth form (although I'm seriously doubting his ability for that but it largely depends whether we're back to some kind of normality by then).

I'm not trying to let him off the hook but just accepting the fact that he is actually sick, but don't want his entire school career to go down the pan and him to leave school with no qualifications.

Any suggestions / insights welcome.

Sounds like school have found some good ways of working with you.

My Ds is in year 12 and has ASD. He spent years 7-11 in a state selective and we moved him for sixth form. For him it was definitely the right thing to do, as his school were very unsupportive and he was incredibly unhappy.

I would say don't rule out moving him post 16. Have a look at what his options are. I can't even imagine what state my Ds would be in, had he stayed at his grammar for sixth form.

@Punxsutawney - I've thought about this a lot, and we have had some discussions about it. The benefits to staying where he is is that the teachers know him, it's familiar, it's close (12 min walk - no buses !), and they teach the subject he wants to specialise in which isn't taught in the majority of schools. In fact, his only other options for this subject are other grammar schools which possibly aren't as well-suited to him and are further away. College is no good either, for the same reason. Otherwise I'd definitely be up for moving him. The bare minimum option would be for him to go to the local comp (also close) and do 2 A levels that he's not very interested in and study his favourite subject privately at home. But I don't think that's an option he'd choose unless he - for example - gets back to sixth form in September and realises within a few weeks it's never going to work. And subject to the comp taking him under those circumstances. I think if we made that the option he aspires to, and plans for now, he'd be more depressed. He's looking forward to a clean slate in Year 12 and he's hoping he'll be feeling better by then. He feels that once Covid is over, he'll feel better. Of course, we can't be sure how much better things will be by September but I don't want to focus too much on that right now as we need something for him cautiously look forward to.

It sounds like the school are being pretty helpful.

I wonder if the other thing to explore is whether sixth-form transition would be helped by him spending some time in the sixth-form block this term, perhaps instead of the time in the SEN department. Depending on subjects, maybe he can even sit in on the odd A-level lesson. If I'd had a student like this, I'd have been happy for him to work in the corner of my A-level lessons, and even join in sometimes if the topic were accessible from his current level.