Have we made the wrong independent choice?

[upsidedown80]

We have accepted an offer to an independent in late 100s on Sunday times list earlier this week and declined one which is ranked in top 50 - partly because it’s much easier to get to (although OH now thinks he wants to move closer to the higher ranked school soonish) and partly because we thought ds2 would have a much better chance of getting in with the older in place.

But since accepting and paying the deposit it’s been sitting uncomfortably with us. DS1 is bright and would benefit from a more academic environment and needs a bit of a push otherwise is happy to coast. He also feels he worked harder to get that place and therefore deserves it but the school we have accepted is the most likely option for DS2 and I don’t want to burn bridges because without that place it’s very likely he’ll get nowhere and is the sort of child to grow up upset that he went to state and brother didn’t.

I appreciate its supposition but how badly behaved is it to rescind your acceptance a few days after making it? I really don’t want it to hamper ds2’s chances when I’m fairly confident I could get him in with older there?

But equally, where we have accepted is a great school for all sorts of reasons and lots of people we know of didn’t get in and would love to. 50% get 8s and 9s at GCSES. He won’t be the brightest but he will be one of them. He is lucky to have a place there but doesn’t feel it but equally if we now rescinded the offer, someone would definitely be grateful for it.

Is ranking just London school madness and I need to stop being sucked in by it? Bright kids will do well anywhere? I can’t help feeling I’ve squandered his chance at going to a top London school that he worked hard for and sacrificed him for the benefit of the younger.

The other school has said it understand and transfers in year 8/9 and even 10 have taken place from one to the other. It would be year 10 by the time ds2 but changing at that late stage seems a bit drastic.

Does anyone have any advice? What would you do?

Op, do tell us what you decide in the end, or if it has all turned out to be decided by the timescales of acceptance or turning down now anyway.

Hope you get what you are most happy with and have no regrets.

Agree with everyone you need to focus on one child at a time. Ignore the rankings - we turned down a top 50 school for lower ranking one because it was a better fit, yet still very academic. I'd let what your child feels and wants weigh in quite a bit here too - without putting any pressure on him concerning his brother.

Hi everyone,
I am in the same situation. My DC1 done 11+ this year and she had offer fromBlackheath High GDST school which was her 1st choice so ı am happy for her. But in the same time my DC2 did 7+ This year and she had 4 offers, including ELtham College. But unfortunately the schools are in totally different directions from our home and schools was starts and finish in the same time. My husband is really busy man with his work he lives home at 6am so ı have to do all pick ups and drop offs. I drive but ı had to put one of my girl to breakfast and after school club and both of them didnt want to go to the breakfast club. My younger daughter is happy to go to her older sisters schools but I am still thinking if ı had the right decision. Eltham College addmissions told me that DC2 can try 8+ assesment next year if we are unhappy with the decision we made. Meanwhile my DC1 didnt want to go to Eltham College because it was boys only school and recently became co-ed. So its really difficult decision🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

@sunshin3lov3

Hi everyone, I am in the same situation. My DC1 done 11+ this year and she had offer fromBlackheath High GDST school which was her 1st choice so ı am happy for her. But in the same time my DC2 did 7+ This year and she had 4 offers, including ELtham College. But unfortunately the schools are in totally different directions from our home and schools was starts and finish in the same time. My husband is really busy man with his work he lives home at 6am so ı have to do all pick ups and drop offs. I drive but ı had to put one of my girl to breakfast and after school club and both of them didnt want to go to the breakfast club. My younger daughter is happy to go to her older sisters schools but I am still thinking if ı had the right decision. Eltham College addmissions told me that DC2 can try 8+ assesment next year if we are unhappy with the decision we made. Meanwhile my DC1 didnt want to go to Eltham College because it was boys only school and recently became co-ed. So its really difficult decision🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Blackheath has an extensive pick up and drop off school bus system? Same as Eltham, they literally pick up your DC and take them to school and drop them off, from a huge catchment area.

As you get to know parents at the school, perhaps you can share lifts, or as they are already 11+ they could use transport and go themselves soon?

and declined one which is ranked in top 50

So you might not have that place now at all?

Is this school Emanuel by any chance? The ranking and the sibling policy would fit

It won't be - OP says in the 'late 100s' and Emanuel (whose standards have shot up in recent years) is 99th so probably nearly 100 places out

@newsibling123 hi, thanks for the reply. I spoke with the school coach services yes they do have şbut they pick up kids around 7:20 and again ı need to go bus stop where the bus stop takes children. My daughters do not like travelling in the car and they have car sick so it is not practical for us. Do u think Elham College much better the Blackheath? My DC1 is so above average she is 6 and she knows all time tables etc, her english is also so good. She is in state primary now and her teacher said she will do good in everywhere even in her current school but ı know so many parents eho stıdy their children to have place in Eltham College. So diffucult to decide:/

Eltham rank higher than Blackheath, but Blackheath is an excellent school My attitude would be place your child in the highest ranked school that's right for them.

It may be worth sending your DC1 to her top choice (Blackheath) and try DC2 at Eltham which sounds right for her, with your husband make adjustment to take one of them to breakfast club?

Another way is to move close to one school, so its a much easier run. Easier said than done of course.

Its difficult because they each sound suited to their individual schools.

I would post this as a separate question, as this is an old thread and get parents advice from each school.

OP you really need to treat your children individually when it comes to school choice. I have twins who started senior school this year. We agonised over where to send them as they are very different in terms of academic ability. We really tried to find a school that would suit them both but finally came to the realisation that by doing this, we were doing them both a disservice. They are now both really happy at schools that are the polar opposites of each other.

Just wanted to add to the voices saying you need to treat them as individuals and choose schools accordingly.

Remember that when they are in primary having two different schools is a huge faff because you have two drop offs/pick ups, two sports days, two nativities etc etc. Secondary really isn't like that- kids make their own way to school and there are far fewer events requiring parental input- in fact teachers are generally desperate to encourage you not to get too involved as they're so fed up of helicopter parents not allowing the kids to step up. So if you're worried about that aspect, don't be!

The OP was a year ago..... She has probably made her decision by now

Haha, oops!

@Mylife2000

The OP was a year ago..... She has probably made her decision by now

Actually a mum has re-opened this thread, which I have responded see @sunshin3lov3

Ranking is based purely on exam results of past pupils and nothing else. Selective independent schools market themselves on results so will make sure that pupils achieve, it’s just how they roll, however they will provide very different experiences re education, enrichment and pastoral
provision.
Their ranking also goes up and down. The margins from year to year can be very small. Look for consistency in results year on year rather than ranking nationally.
DS’s school ranking has gone up and down nationally but has remained top for the local area. They have quite a strict policy re academic ability and borderline children are asked to leave if they are struggling. It is not to maintain results but to avoid unnecessary pressure on the child. However some parents choose to provide additional tutoring to try and avoid this. Eventually this can backfire and because entry to 6th requires minimum grade 6 GCSE in English and Maths along with same for subjects to be studied at A level. They do like a child with a endemic ability across all subjects.
It’s a lot of pressure to put on a less academic child. Tutoring to pass an entrance test can spectacularly misfire. I have seen a number of families struggle when one child is naturally more academic than another and end up with three children at three different schools - a logistic nightmare.

@Angrymum22 yes it is true. Also one of my friends mum is a head teacher in independent school. She said to me Eltham College higher in rating is not because of they teach better or their education is better then Blackhwath. - she said it is because they pick all academic students from other school for year 3 ( they do not start in nursery or reception) but Blackheath starts in nursery and everybody awares that it is not easy to make assesment for 3 years old kid and make sure if she/he is academic or not. This is why their ratings are lower. Because kid who goes to independent school doesnt mean that she/he will achieve good grades. Some kids are not academic and it is super normal. This is why I am confused. When ı visitted both schools Blackheath is so lovely environment for girls, girls was so kind. Eltham vollege was boys only till 2020 so ı am not if my DC2 will be hopy there. There are about 360 boys and 40 girls in the school currently. She will bein year 3 next year and she has chance to try 8+ or 11+ assesment if she would like to. Also ı was told that in GDST schools it is really easy to transfer other GDST school so if we move in future we dont have to worry about the transfering them. There are lots if great GDST girls only schools in central london. And also for the pick up and drop off - ofcourse we can arrange coach or brekfast or/after school club but those are all cost, effort, time and money. That was the reasons we chosed Blackheath hope it is the right option🙏🏻

@celebratespring

I would go with the school you feel is genuinely best for DS1. You talk about DS2 going to state if he doesn't get into the same school as DS1 - I'm not sure I understand that. If you've got the money for independent fees (no scholarships/ bursaries involved), then I'm sure you will be able to find the right independent for DS2, particularly in London where there are billions of schools. Why does it have to be either of the schools currently in contention for DS1? Also, if DS2 would only squeeze into the current school because of the sibling link, and would struggle to get a place on academic merit otherwise - then is this really the right school for him anyway?

If I'm missing something and it's genuinely a case of DS2 going to state if he can't go to either of these two schools, then that might be different (nothing wrong with state, but maybe issues of sibling equality) - but I'm not understanding why that would be the case.

This is what I was going to say. My DC were always at different schools from one another.

siblings should def be treated as individuals.

but on the GDST point, there aren't lots of them in central London. there are lots in SW London but only Blackheath and Bromley in SE. So I wouldn't put too much store in being able to easily move from one to another?