Help! In year admission off waitlist to Cardinal Vaughan Memorial School (CVMS). Do I move a happy child?

[A48354]

Hi All, out of blue we’ve had an email to offer my son a space in year 8 at CVMS for Jan start. We have a few more days to make a decision. My son is happy where he is at local good school and not keen on cVMS- considered a very academic state option with impressive results. But my son notes the extra commute (45 min as opposed to 20), single sex, and what he perceived as teachers in gowns out of Harry Potter film! Current school nurturing but we think he is coasting and due to personal circumstances don’t have the time we wish we did to support and push him academically. I think he has ADD and when I asked school for thoughts they said he is “meeting expectations” so not to worry, which wasn’t a great response. So although he is happy I’m not 100% happy but not so unhappy I would think of moving him but for his offer...had we received it for year 7 he would have gone. Tempted to take the place given how academically prestigious CVMS is - in hopes it will require him to work harder and have higher expectations of him, but equally I know an unhappy child won’t achieve anything. He is very sociable and outgoing so the social side although worrying to begin in middle of year 8 not as worrying as if he were shy and quiet. Not sure what to do. He is dead set against it! My husband and I keep changing our minds! Also he has a younger brother who would get in so that’s a consideration....

I don't know the school so commenting generally.

Don't move him. As well as him being happy where is is, his concerns are perfectly reasonable. Moving him because the school is "academically prestigious" is not a good reason - it sounds like you want him there for boasting ability, not because you think it's the best school for him. And your youngest child should not be a consideration when deciding what to do with oldest.

My neighbours boys go to CVMS. They are incredibly polite and sweet (especially when I compare them to the local rowdy students I encounter from the local academy). Their parents are very proud, it's incredibly hard to get into.

I have several friends and family who were hoping to get their boys in and could not even though their boys were baptised as babies. One of them did an in year transfer to Oratory, I know it's not the same place, just how hard it is to get a really good school in Central London. He was reluctant, but absolutely loves it and adapted quickly. I hear CVMS has great pastoral, so it would be worth to have a really good and proper think before refusing.

Neighbours take a bus to school from around Victoria and other ppl I know live in Marylebone, not too sure how long that takes. But in London ppl travel from far, I know someone whose child travelled from Lewisham to Oratory (he went on to medical school after) and I have also seen students connect from bus to train in Vauxhall for Wimbledon. Just trying to illustrate the lengths people will go to here. Just to point out that your DS will definitely not be the only one who comes from far and I'm not clear if you are north or south, but chances are, there will be other DC coming from his direction.

A pity you cannot do a visit, can you go through the website with him and see if there are any positives he likes that you can point out.

The DC that I know from these schools, including CVMS are not what I would particularly call 'academic', but they seem happy. Well done for getting in, and good luck with this difficult choice.

Dear Mummy195 thank you for your reply I appreciate it and it’s great to hear of another child who settled in year. It is difficult as it’s a lottery to get in and has a pan London catchment. It’s not based on academic achievement though I think from memory they were banded and 25% from top 50% from middle and 25% from bottom. So that is why the results are so impressive as it’s not a grammar school intake. We did visit in year 6 and I thought it was a nice school. The decision is hard as I know we would have given anything in year 6 to get a place for year 7.
Redsky I certainly did not mean to give the impression that because it is prestigious I would put that above my sons happiness. The results are very impressive and I’m hoping it would translate into an environment where my son might work hard!

It sounds a hard decision on paper but I'd be really reluctant to move a happy child without an overriding reason such as moving house.

Thank you GU24

I have no personal knowledge of the school but I would move him. In the short term he might find it hard but better for him in the long run. Sometimes the comfortable choice isn’t the right one. If he’s quite sociable then I’m sure he’ll make friends and settle reasonably quickly.

Is your current school undersubscribed so you could move him back if it didn't work out?

If he were my child, I'd probably move him - I dont send my children to school to coast. Alternatively, you could talk to him and look at other strategies to try and help him reach his potential where he is. Do you have a clear idea of where he is and where you think he should be? Are there specific subjects that are an issue, or is it a more general thing? What are the attitudes and aptitudes of his friends?

Should also add, as the mother of a child in the same year, theyve not really had the best start to secondary school life as yet and may still be finding their fears.

finding their gears

Oh I'd move him at the drop of a hat. He's in Y8 and they've missed so much of their secondary that friendships are around Y7 levels. He will easily make new friends. The culture at CVMS is really great and it's not cool to just coast, equally though the SEND support is good so worth asking them about the support he could get. Kids travel from all over so he is bound to find a travel buddy at least for half the leg.

I don't know the schools, and I'm not in London.

I wouldn't want to commute by public transport for 45 mins each way every day, (especially in current situation), let alone at age 12/13. Plus it is moving to single sex.

For me, you don't seem to have given enough good reasons to move if your DS doesn't want to.

We moved our daughter from a 20min commute to a 45min commute - this is a huge deal for a child especially if its to a more academic school with presumably more homework.Plus much harder to have local friends. I have twins - both passed their 11plus so relatively bright. My son at this local school is much happier than my daughter at her private school 45mins away. Don't risk an unhappy child - if he is happy I would not move him but may insist he agrees to a tutor to monitor his progress.
People make a big deal of grades but really what I do with my children is identify which GCSE subjects or grades they need to do well in to get into the A level programmes they might want to attend and ensure they are focusing on these. This is one of the reasons we pulled our daughter out of a sweat shop of a grammar school. She is not great on languages or sciences and was never going to do these at A level. So why spend her precious childhood time studying hard for good grades in subjects she was never going to need for A level entry.

OP I think you know what the logical thing to do but emotionally it’s a tough one as once a boy hits 12/13 they will have ideas of their own and moving schools is difficult.

IMO years ago My mother wanted me to go to private school but I hated the idea and fought against it. I was 12/13 then. My younger siblings both went and then went into oxford university. So if I had gone my life would have been different and with lots of opportunities. But I always knew what I wanted to do and didn’t need to go to university and have a great career and life.

I know one cv boy who has just done very well in his GCSE’s and has flourished at the school. He has a 45 minute commute on the tube. Doesn’t complain just gets on with it. He is now in yr 12.

If he does go to cv then be prepared for some angst. In the long run it will be worth it but in the short term it will be tough. Moving in a lockdown won’t be easy either. But again it’s for the next 6 months. And his current school will be in the same position but it will be familiar.

What did you decide OP?