Think I've blown Ds chances of 6th form academic scholarship

[Sbeve]

Ds was interviewed in 3 subjects for a 6th form academic scholarship. He didn't have a clue what to expect & nor did we (he's at state school). He's desperately wants to go to this school and was keen to impress but totally messed up the maths interview. He thought it would be a 'getting to know you' interview to find out how enthusiastic he is about the subject. When he was asked to do a series of calculations he had a total panic, his mind went completely blank and he floundered through the rest of the interview. He couldn't even do basic calculations let alone level 9 maths which he's predicted. He must've done OK in the entrance exam to get the interview but he thinks what happened in the interview has blown his chances of a scholarship. He's devastated.

This evening, I came acoss an email in my junk folder which was sent out yesterday afternnon saying that they would need a pen and paper to do calculations. Ds feels he would have been mentally prepared and would have done much better in the interview had he known what to expect (and he wouldn't have to fetch a pen and paper either).

I feel terrible. I should have done some research about what to expect in scholarship interviews and checked my bloody junk mail. I feel that Ds has been disadvantaged because of this and it's all my fault.

Your son is clearly smart to get interview, he’s not defined by one off day & nerves
Don’t beat yourself up about an omission it’s a stressful time,these things happen
If he’s not selected contact the school explain the backstory, it’ll not change the outcome but add a context, can current school give a supporting statement of his abilities

Don't beat yourself up. Hopefully he'll get the scholarship. Best wishes

Giving less than a days notice is pretty rubbish. Why didnt they offer him a pen and paper?

I might be inclined to drop the school an email saying that you've only now seen the email, and apologising for the fact that he wasn't aware of what to expect or that he would need pen and paper, and ask them to convey those apologies to the interviewer.

Hopefully then there might be a "ah, so that's why he didn't seem to be as quick as we were expecting", and they might take it into account.

It's poor to give less than 24 hours notice; not everyone gets email on their phone and checks it every hour of every day, even without the vagaries of junkmail filters.

I’d let them know
It can’t do any harm and it might help him

Just what you said here- that you only just saw the email and hadn’t therefore prepared your DS. No need for lots of explanations that he got flustered etc.

What will be will be
He’s clearly very bright. He will find a way to shine

We were given the date they would let us know whether Ds had got through to the interview stage, so I knew to check all my email folders that day. We were also told that if he got through, the interviews would take place 48 hours later. The email gave us the details for the online interviews and briefly mentioned that the interviews for one subject would take place on a different day but it didn't affect Ds. As the school had been so organised all along by telling us when and what to expect, I didn't expect any more emails.

Ds said that as he'd already sat a written exam in the subject, he didn't expect to have to do any calculations and that's what caused him to completely panic. It happened once before at school too but fortunately his teacher noticed and dealt with it really well the interiewer doesn't know him and I think it's harder to get a sense of these things online. Ds feels that the school will take that view that even if something unexpected happened in the interview, he should have been able to cope with it.

Going into a panic is one thing, but not being prepared with a pen and paper looks really bad and so perhaps I should let the school know so that they can inform the teacher. I don't want to look to look as though I'm trying to make excuses for a poor performance but I also don't want them to think that Ds didn't care and couldn't be bothered to organise himself.

Tell the school ASAP.

I had a dither about whether to tell our favourite school at 11+ that dd had been off sick from school all week with flu and was only just well enough to be driven to the interview. I thought it would look like special pleading, and count against her.

Luckily, I checked with a friend whose dd is at a private school - apparently it would be odd not to mention something like this, and the schools fully expect to be told of even minor issues (and she also said some very competitive parents would over-egg them, too). So I did a brief factual email, I’ve no idea if it made a difference, but my dd got an offer (and is very happy there).

It can't hurt to tell them in the way suggested above. Nothing to lose.

But also do the 'prepare for either option' thing with your son, don't make his sense of himself hinge on one interview - this is not a failure and you are both catastrophising and blaming when it's more psychologically healthy to feel a bit disappointed, check what you need to learn from it, and accept that there are limited places and it wasn't your day/someone did better on the day. This is how he will build the resilience to persist and succeed.

It’s a one day exam,it doesn’t define him. He may or may not get in
You dust yourself down, congratulate him for getting that far in a competitive assessment process. For a scholarship it’ll be fierce, so actually being shortlisted is great.
You both debrief and discuss the day with him. Keeping it in perspective it’s a disappointment but he remains a smart young man who has projected good exam results

Reassure him it’s ok
Let him know everyone has a wobble about something,sometime

Won't the school already know that you didnt get the email? That would have been clear when your son didn't have paper or pencil, did he tell them he wasnt aware that he needed them?

No harm in confirming that I guess, if nothing else maybe they sent it in some format that was identified as spam so they could change that for the future.

Nothing you can do now but wait and see unfortunately

Unless it is a scholarship specifically for widening participation, the likelihood is that the scholarship will go to someone already in the school or at another private school. They'll have been coached through the process to maximise their chances. That's not your fault but the way the system is, the vast majority of financial support goes to those who already have an advantage.

Let the school know that you didn't see the email, there's no harm in telling them. For your son, focus on how well he has done to get this far in the process, and hope that they'll see his potential over a brief slip up.

He didn't tell the teacher why he was unprepared and just kept saying 'I'm so sorry' all through through the interview.

I think I'll send a short email to apologise for his lack of preparedness.

I guess if it's meant to be, it will be and we should probably get some advice about how he can manage stressful situations like this in the future.

@Sbeve

He didn't tell the teacher why he was unprepared and just kept saying 'I'm so sorry' all through through the interview.

I think I'll send a short email to apologise for his lack of preparedness.

I guess if it's meant to be, it will be and we should probably get some advice about how he can manage stressful situations like this in the future.

If you're going to teach him how to succeed at life I wouldnt say stuff like if it's meant to be, it will be

Imo that's nonsense and the other children at the prestigious private school won't have that attitude I'd be pretty sure, one of attitudes you get there is a sense of entitlement (in a good way) and the confidence that you deserve positive things and so go for them. Resilience and confidence cant be overvalued imo.

DD is asking to apply for an academic scholarship for 6th form and threads like this make me think I should encourage her to stay in state education.

OP please try not to beat yourself up about this. Do email the school and let them know, particularly that the separate email went into your junk. You can tackle it from both angles.

I hope he isn't feeling too disappointed right now. This whole thing was entirely new to him and he's clearly a bright young man with huge potential. And that door hasn't closed yet!

Yes to thinking about how to manage future stress,as undoubtedly he will face stresses again

I don’t know your circumstances but you don’t need to subscribe if it’s meant to be,it’ll be. It’s fatalistic and passive. To be sure the other candidates they’ll have been tutored,,prepped and primed. Full of self belief. Going forward You and he need a bit of I’ve got this,I can do this

I wish your son well

@Hayeahnobut

Unless it is a scholarship specifically for widening participation, the likelihood is that the scholarship will go to someone already in the school or at another private school. They'll have been coached through the process to maximise their chances. That's not your fault but the way the system is, the vast majority of financial support goes to those who already have an advantage.

Let the school know that you didn't see the email, there's no harm in telling them. For your son, focus on how well he has done to get this far in the process, and hope that they'll see his potential over a brief slip up.

This is not true re. scholarships being earmarked for existing students or kids from other ‘private’ (independent) schools. What would be the benefit of this for the school?

I have worked in management in 2 very different independent schools and am very involved in the bursary programme of my current school. The money for 6th form scholarships is often sourced from donors and the school will simply want to give the places to the best candidates. The interview panel will know that some candidates will be better prepared than others and take this into account. They will also know that to be predicted a 9 at GCSE by his current school, your son is very talented at maths. As you say, he has already sat an entrance exam so they will also take this into account. I’m not a maths teacher, but I imagine that the reason for setting calculations in an interview was so that they could watch the student’s thought processes and discuss them.

I really wouldn’t worry about this too much at all. It wouldn’t do any harm to send an email explaining that their last email went to the junk folder. Couch it in a more general email thanking them for the opportunity maybe.

Play it down to him now and cross your fingers!

@Hayeahnobut

Unless it is a scholarship specifically for widening participation, the likelihood is that the scholarship will go to someone already in the school or at another private school. They'll have been coached through the process to maximise their chances. That's not your fault but the way the system is, the vast majority of financial support goes to those who already have an advantage.

Let the school know that you didn't see the email, there's no harm in telling them. For your son, focus on how well he has done to get this far in the process, and hope that they'll see his potential over a brief slip up.

Absolutely disagree with this.

DD1 got an academic scholarship at a private school and was the only one who hadn't been coached, or any preparation.

In fact, this was one of the reasons she got the scholarship - her answers at interview were not well rehearsed.

But agree that dropping the school admissions a quick email explaining couldn't hurt, although am sure they are used to teenagers forgetting pen and paper...

Hope it goes well.

Def drop them a line explaining that you didn't receive the email and it totally threw your son. Its understandable that at 15/16 you would become flustered. Personally I think it proves that he isn't well drilled and that he's just genuinely clever (proved through the papers he sat).

Definitely contact the school and let them know about the email in your junk folder. I had a similar experience with my DD for a 11+ music scholarship in that I had completely misapprehended the nature of the panel interview and she was woefully underprepared and left in tears. Getting in touch really helped and made her (and me) feel much better as they sent such a lovely email back. (DD got several great offers from other schools as the first interview was good practice at how badly things could go wrong!)

Unless it is a scholarship specifically for widening participation, the likelihood is that the scholarship will go to someone already in the school or at another private school. They'll have been coached through the process to maximise their chances. That's not your fault but the way the system is, the vast majority of financial support goes to those who already have an advantage.

I couldn't disagree more. This is definitely not my experience.

The school will be well practised in spotting nerves in the children they are interviewing.

Contact the school and explain.

I personally think it’s ok to think that maybe it wasn’t meant to be (depending on personality of your DS). With a lot of things (scholarship, uni, jobs) in addition to hard work and ability, there’s a hefty dose of luck in there too. The people interviewed will all probably be good enough for the scholarship - just depends on the questions they get, who the competition is.

Just make sure that whether he gets it or not, he keeps working hard - it’s a long game and there will be many other opportunities for him to succeed (don’t let him think this is his one shot). I know people who missed out on scholarships that came top of their year at cambridge. I know people who got scholarships that didn’t do well at uni.

I would speak to the school and explain. He is still a child and the email was not sent to him directly.

I think it will keep bugging you if you don't send an email tbh. Junk folders are so annoying!!

But I think it's really important not to make this an education/career defining moment for him out of you taking on all the guilt.

Sometimes interviews go badly, sometimes there's someone better than you, he doesn't need to let it define his sense of self. Important to have tried and given it a shot and keep taking these opportunities as they come up.