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Secondary education

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Original poster

Should child decide on 6th form?

17 replies

ICanoeCanYou · 05/11/2020 13:49

My DS is in year 11. He has a girlfriend who goes to a different school and is in the year below him. They only get to see each other every couple of weeks due to the distance between them and covid19 restricting usual activities. He is adamant he wants to go to the 6th form attached to her school next year Hmm the school is in a deprived area and produces poor results, it would also involve a 45 min cycle ride each way (in all weathers, every day, in the dark during winter) as it is not on a bus route. He says he will apply to his current school’s 6th form too and maybe 1-2 others but I’m not sure I believe he actually will do so. I think he’d be better to either go to the local 6th form or a good one in the nearest city. Do I have to just sit back and let him make a stupid decision and he’ll have to deal with the consequences? I haven’t openly opposed the decision for him to apply here as I don’t want to make him more determined to get in.

OP posts:
steppemum · 05/11/2020 14:18

well, yes and no.

On the one hand, I would say that 6th form is a good time for them to choose for themselves, on the other hand this doesn't sound like a great choice.

So, I would be positive about it all, and talk to him about making a list of pros and cons.
Then maybe some suggestions.
How about you try out the cycle at the weekend? See how hard it would be, and how tired? (my dh is dutch and a 45 min cycle was pretty normal, but in the worst couple of months over winter they went by train)
Maybe ask about subjects? Do they do his subjects and what were their results last year?
Also maybe (in the context if which is the best school and which subjects) suggest working back from university - any idea what you want to do? What will you need? Where is the best place to get that?

I would say to him - look lest look at the 4 best, and you can compare and see what they all do, and then you can make a decsion.

How long has he been with her and is it likely to last and also, will she go on to sixth form at her school? What if next year she chooses to move schools?!

I find with ds (18) that I agree, and listen and throw in 'things to think about' but I don;t tell him. Usually he comes back in the end with a sendible decision. The key is usually if my concerns register on his radar as worth considering.

steppemum · 05/11/2020 14:48

I think I would also say something along the lines of - now you are 16, we want you to have responsibility, make your own choices etc, so we want to support you in making it, but we will allow you to make your own choice.

Much harder if he has chosen v. he has rebelled against what you want

ilovemydogandMrObama · 05/11/2020 14:51

Compromise maybe along the lines that you are fairly happy for him to choose A level subjects, but you want more input into the school?

CremeEggThief · 05/11/2020 14:51

100% his choice, as are his A-level subjects. You can try to suggest or influence, but it's down to him ultimately. I didn't approve of all DS's choices, but there's nothing I could do about it.

RedskyAtnight · 05/11/2020 15:51

I think he needs to be the one to choose, yes. But I think it's fair for you to point out (ideally with no judgement) things he should consider - he needs to be sure on subjects/courses and what he wants to do next, he needs to have a backup, and he needs to have a practical way of getting there.

I would maybe look at insisting that he applies to at least his current school sixth form as a contingency plan (though, would they take him in after results even if he didn't apply - my DC's school would)?

Perhaps also suggest he cycles the route as a "trial" to see how practical it is?

I also guess there is a good chance if he splits with his girlfriend it may be less attractive to him ?

OnTheBenchOfDoom · 05/11/2020 16:04

Obviously he is choosing the sixth form for the wrong reasons. Are the sixth formers allowed to mingle with the lower school during the day? How does he envision seeing her? What if they break up?

45 minutes is quite a ride in rain or snow with a backpack of folders, plus possibly a PE kit if any of the enrichment activities are sports based. It is time he could be doing his homework.

I think cold hard facts about grades and how lower grades from that sixth form could affect his potential in future.

Completely agree with step that you have to lead them to it rather than tell them, it is good for them to figure things out by themselves. So a list of pros and cons for each college, travel, subjects, results.

titchy · 05/11/2020 17:00

If he's happy to do a daily 45 min bike ride in the depths of winter, why hasn't he been doing that every Saturday and Sunday to see her? Maybe once lockdown is over you can encourage him to literally get on his bike and go and see a lot more of her than he does now Grin

In all honesty yes he does have to decide. Again though once results are out most sixth forms will take last minute applications.

AveEldon · 05/11/2020 17:12

Apply to all suitable sixth forms and accept the all the offers - he doesn't need to choose where to go until he has his GCSE results

TicTacTwo · 05/11/2020 17:25

Apply to both and hope he breaks up with her so he doesn't want to go there.

In our school Sixth Formers can't eat lunch with y11.

Does he currently ride his bike to her area? Does he know how shit it will be travelling on freezing icy days in the rain and fog? If he's never done it because you drive him there then may I suggest you make him do that trip one weekend when it's shit weather?

ScrapThatThen · 05/11/2020 18:02

I would nod and smile and support. Even if he doesn't apply he is likely to be able to switch,even after starting. So if romance dwindles there will be ways out

Redburnett · 05/11/2020 18:07

Can he apply to more than one to keep his options open? He may change his mind before next September.

Seeline · 05/11/2020 18:10

Agree with @AveEldon Apply to several 6th forms. He won't have to make a decision until he has his GCSE results. He may not even be with his girlfriend by then.

JuliaJohnston · 05/11/2020 18:10

if he's happy to do a daily 45 min bike ride in the depths of winter, why hasn't he been doing that every Saturday and Sunday to see her?
Very good question...

steppemum · 06/11/2020 09:13

@JuliaJohnston

if he's happy to do a daily 45 min bike ride in the depths of winter, why hasn't he been doing that every Saturday and Sunday to see her? Very good question...
yes! this! great question
Witchend · 06/11/2020 09:29

I would say yes, they should choose. But that isn't a reason to choose it. The chances are they'll fall out by this time next year and then he has to face her every day!

Oblomov20 · 06/11/2020 09:35

His reasons for choosing this school are so ridiculous. And the fact he can't see this just proves how immature his thinking is.

How you say that, delicately, will be tricky, but it needs saying.

Original poster
ICanoeCanYou · 06/11/2020 11:27

They have been together for about a year. He almost certainly would go and see her on a Saturday and Sunday every weekend if he could however her parents are overbearing and limit her as to how often she can see him, which is probably a whole other thread to be honest.

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