Advice please! Torn between two secondary schools!

[jagx]

Hi all,
Would really appreciate some advice. Our oldest is due to start secondary school next year and we have only a couple of days left to submit his application. School A is our son's first choice, mainly because he has more friends going there. It's the feeder school from his primary and his class has visited a few times for various sessions so he feels fairly confident about a move there. No open evenings this year because of Covid so his Dad and I haven't been able to look around but we were fairly impressed with the Head's talk on the virtual open evening. The cons however, are that we are out of catchment and living in a rural area the public transport is rubbish. It will likely mean I will have to drop off and pick up. I don't work, so could do this. But I already drive our younger boys to a primary/preschool for which we are out of catchment, so it could make school runs a bit of a trek, plus add to fuel costs. Plus son wouldn't live that close to friends which may become more of an issue as he gets older.

School B is much closer to where we currently live. (The house we are in was bought as a renovation project to make some money on. We will certainly stay here for the next 3-4 years, but may move after that time.) Ofsted and results for both schools are very similar. Our son knows a couple of people going to School B, although he's never visited it and neither have we as no open evening this year. The school is in the process is moving to a brand new site which looks very modern and impressive from outside and pictures we've seen. Our son could cycle from home or catch the school bus across the road from our house. Plus would likely live close by to friends. Our oldest is a friendly, fairly outgoing boy and I feel he will probably make lots of new friends at School B quite quickly. My gut is telling me this would be the most practical choice.
However, my husband is concerned that when our middle son moves to secondary in a couple of years he would find the move to School B more of a challenge. (He's really against the thought of the boys going to different secondary schools.) Within our middle son's friendship group at primary no one is likely to go to School B. Son 2 is more of a worrier, less confident and takes longer to settle in new situations. Im sure he would feel much happier going to School A with his friends. This leaves us with a dilemma that we just seem to keep going round and round on! I feel like we're having to decide on a secondary for both boys, all the while not being sure if we will stay in our current house long term! Advice please.

If you are out of catchment for School A how would you secure a place? Are they under subscribed?

School B seems like a better choice. Appreciate that for DS 2 it’s more of a worry but the reality is his friendship groups might have changed by the time he heads off to Secondary anyway.

Thanks for your reply. We couldn't guarantee that we would get a place at School A, even if it was our first choice. However, the last couple of years they haven't turned anyone down for a place. They've been close to capacity, but not actually exceeded it.

School B is the best option practically speaking. Our oldest is not against the thought of going to School B. He was happy for it to be listed as his second choice school, although he wants School A as first choice. Do you think we should try and persuade him to change the order?

Personally I’d stick with it if you are really ok to do the driving between your home and the schools. It sounds like you may get A but depending on volume of applicants could be given B. My DD has a 50 minute journey to her school, it is a pain when their friends aren’t local but it sounds like this is something you have experience of dealing with! Could you enrol them in something like Scouts to encourage some more local friendships as well?

I’m pretty sure that I’d go school A. I would normally say not to be swayed by what their friends are doing because a couple of weeks in, they all seem to have made new friends and drift apart. However, the fact that you only plan to stay in your house 3-4 years and then have a younger child who will also then be at the more rural school, would make me say to stick with school A. Also, if you choose school B and he doesn’t like it, you will be held responsible. Again, would not normally say to completely let a child choose their school, but where academically they are equal, then why not?

I'm not crazy about the idea of all the driving if I'm honest, but it would be possible. I'm happy driving on the existing primary & preschool runs but I feel that adding an extra secondary school drop in to the mix might be pushing it. Although my husband rightly points out that I am at home and able to do it! Maybe I should just leave the decision to fate. As you say, getting a place at School A will depend on numbers so we may well end up with a place at School B anyway.
Our oldest two boys did join a local youth club in the village where we live after we moved with a view to them making friends closer to home. Although Covid has put a stop to that for now.

Is there a local Scout group? They’re allowed to meet up still.

Are you planning on staying at home for ever or were you hoping to work at some point? If your DH wants them to all go to the same secondary then you could be driving to and from the school for the next 12 years!
Would your ds be able to go to after school clubs? I have to drive my eldest ds to and from school which is fine when he finishes at normal time, but if he stays for a club it can make things really tricky.

Although my husband rightly points out that I am at home and able to do it!

You don't exist to be a bloody chauffeur!

I think B is a better option. A school that they can bus/cycle to is a better option unless there's a particular reason to choose one further away. Timetable/term dates etc clash and in time, study days etc - not to mention after school activities etc.

They'll make friends locally, especially once they 'bus it' to school. DH is actually denying them the opportunity to have local friends and if DS1 is already there, DS2 will get to know the school & the siblings of DS1's friends.

If the schools are academically pretty equal I think B is a no brainer.

I also think B.

It will give DS1 some independence and the chance of a local social life. This decision is primarily for him, and only indirectly for his brothers.

You’ve got time to steer DS2 and manage his expectations, as well as encouraging local friendships in the meantime. The fact that an older sibling is at the school he goes to will surely be a comfort? He will be maturing all the time anyway.

Why set yourself up for a logistical headache for years to come, solely in the hope that primary school friendships will continue? (They might not). Your decision needs to work for your family life, not tie you up in knots to get to where you expect others are headed.

I do kind of work from home. My husband has his own business so I sort all his paperwork/accounts etc. I may do something work wise outside of home in the future but it would need to be something that fitted around everything I already have to do! I'm tired just thinking about it lol 😂

If the boys end up at School B I think we will probably stay in our current house/local to it long term, although if they end up at School A we will probably look to move a little closer to that location 🤷‍♀️

I think that if you get a place at school A I would try to commit to moving sooner rather than later. Is school A walking distance to the primary/ preschool? It does get easier when they can walk out to a fixed pick up point.

Thank you for all your replies. Really appreciate getting others points of view. Moving nearer to School A sooner would not be realistic for us and I realised that I just didn't want to commit to having to do all that driving for x years. Plus all the points raised about our son having friends close by/being more independent were right.

We spoke to our DS this morning and explained why we felt School B would be a more practical first choice. He was surprisingly ok about it and has agreed that School B will be first choice and School A second choice. We are in the catchment area for School B so I'm pretty confident we will get a place. Thank you all again for helping me get things in perspective 😊