Secondary choices - torn between two schools

[HelplessProcrastinator]

Running out of time for application and struggling. Choices are:

School A - walking distance, smaller than many at 1,200, really like how it feels from previous visits. Good pastoral care. Lots of extra-curricular activities particularly in music and other performing arts. I’ve asked some current parents and they all say great things. Currently Ofsted needs improvement but lots of positive things in the report and a new Head who everyone is speaking very highly of. Progress 8 in top half of schools in the city.

School B - always been very sought after and second for Progress 8 in the city (first is very selective grammar). Older DD is there and absolutely loves it but her place was offered on the basis of her SN. It’s a few miles away which has caused difficulties for DD1 getting there.

DD2 wants school A which I really like too but I feel like I am doing her a disservice by not sending her to the best (on paper) school in the city. She probably wouldn’t get a place without a sibling there. DD’s reasons are she wants to walk to school (school A less than a mile away) and she wants to join the music academy at school A. Her reasons don’t appear to be because most of her friends are going. She would have a very close friend at school B.

So do I respect the views of a 10 year old as I like school A or force her to ‘the best’ school B?

So conflicted and my only gut feeling is she will be fine anywhere as she is hard working and sociable.

What's the difference in results in your child's attainment bracket? Does school B have good music provision? What sort of provision do they both have for distance learning?
I'm normally a staunch critic of kids choosing at 10 but normally they just want to move for friends. Your child has pretty reasonable reasons.

I like the sound of school A.

• local
• good pastoral care
• academics sound fine
• school sounds like it is on the up

I like the sound of A as well. There are huge benefits to living close to a school (particularly if the alternative is difficult to get to) and it's interesting that you haven't named any advantages to school B (even though you already have a DC there) other than it looking good on paper. Almost sounds like you are convincing yourself that you prefer it?
Certainly, if your DD prefers A, your reasons don't sound strong enough to "force" her to go to B.

I personally would prefer both my girls to go to the same school purely for logistical reasons. So if you did get School A for Dd2, would you consider moving dd1 there? Otherwise, could Dd2 not travel with dd1 to School B?

I would go with A. Most Ofsted reports are quite out of date and it sounds up and coming and has something to prove which might work out very well for your daughter's cohort. Happy children do best and so go with her choice if it's that good. Also the music is a seller for me.

School A without a doubt. It sounds like a better fit for your daughter. Also the good pastoral care would be a big plus point in my eyes.
My daughters go to different senior schools from each other as what suited the eldest didn't suit my youngest as well.

IMO being able to walk to school is invaluable at secondary. It means they can be self sufficient, they don’t spend their day travelling, it’s social, they make friends, and have friends within walking distance. Great environment for teens.

Her keenness to join the music activities is important.

You like the feel, it has good pastoral support, respectable in the Progress 8 league (and your Dd as a hard working student will progress well anyway).... what’s not to like?

School A.
Not getting the school you want so you can go to the school that best suits a sibling can breed resentment. We're going to face this next year. Dd is at an outstanding school on the basis of SN so ds could go.. If he doesn't we might struggle with the logistics but he might prefer another option.

School A.

My DD is a ‘fine anywhere’ child, my DS is not, they are different, so it’s different choices that need to be made.

If it doesn’t work out, you can join the waiting list for B, and with a sibling there she should get in fairly quickly.

I personally would prefer both my girls to go to the same school purely for logistical reasons.

Why? Particularly if they are able to get to school without relying on parental transport (which would be preferred is possible at secondary level). My DC do go to the same secondary school, and I'm struggling to think of a single instance where it's been beneficial logistically.

Don’t underestimate the power of investment in a school if your DD is strong minded. She will be invested in school A as it her choice but may look at all the things that are not right with school B. Not all children are like this, but some are and so only you will know how pivotal this is.

I understand your dilemma and if I were in that position I would probably be leaning a bit towards B as it seems a shame to turn down the opportunity. What might help in a way is thinking school A is where DD2 is 'meant' to be. If she was the oldest, she would presumably have gone there and no-one would have thought much of it. You seem to think it might be a good fit for your DD, not just that she wants it.

I would go school A

School B.

Unless you think it’s so bad you’d remove your current child.

I almost fell for the local school on the up but ignore Ofsted needs improvement trap. Parents who have kids there but can’t get into School A are always going to say how great it is. I think you have to take what they say with a big pinch of salt. You have the chance to get DD into best school in city why wouldn’t you. I’m sure people move/give their eye teeth to have that opportunity. Your other daughter loves it. It would be different (perhaps) if she didn’t. Things like drama always sound great but really how many get the option to do? I’m always wary in the state sector.

Thank you all for the replies. Really helpful. DD1 had school transport when she started due to her EHCP and the fact that the due to her needs she was offered school B, we didn't choose it for her. Due to the difficulties with social distancing, and school transport asking parents not to use it where possible, we have been getting her to school since COVID which is a huge inconvenience and would be impossible if DH wasn't WFH. DD1 is now cycling except on days where she feels unable to (ASD anxiety) but she is 13. DD2 is late August birthday and doesn't want to cycle which I understand. I wouldn't want a just turned 11 cycling to a brand new school. DD2 would need to get a bus or walk 45 minutes each way, unless she changed her mind and cycled.

If it wasn't for the fact that DD1 got school B because of her needs she would likely be at school A and there would be no dilemma.

I don't know much about extra curricular in school B as my older DD doesn't do any. Due to her ASD she is exhausted from the academic side despite being very bright. She has no interest in doing anything extra. DD2 will join anything and everything. School A has a very strong music offer, possibly extra funding as they serve a more deprived city catchment?

School A. Being both close to home and a school she wants make it a no-brainer given Progress 8 etc is adequate.
She has good reasons for wanting it, too.

Could you and DD2 look into the extra curricular provision at School B so you have all the info to make a true comparison?

On the issue of transport my DD has to take two buses, as did I to get to secondary school. For the most part, hugely social and great fun!

I am in a similar position OP. We have an outstanding secondary 3 miles away everyone wants to get into. All of dds friends will be going there as they are in the catchment. We are on the border but she still has a very good chance of getting in. I suspect she has Aspergers but she won't get a formal diagnosis before next September.

We also looked at another secondary school bitt further away but with a local school bus.Ofsted rating good, pastoral care really good, bit more relaxed and with better facilities than than the outstanding school. My dd has chosen the second school as her first choice and I also thought it was a better fit for her but if I don't put the other school first she will definitely not get into it if she changes her mind after the application deadline.

I've explained all of this and she still wants to choose the second school.

I spoke to a friend who mentors young girls with autism and she said to go with my dd's choice as she needs to have confidence in making her own decisions. As long as she knows its not something that can be changed easily she has made the best decision for her so that's what we are going with.

School A. Being able to rely on your feet to get to school is seriously underrated.

Provided DD’s academic ability is solid she will do well anywhere (and feel like a bigger fish in a smaller pond at school A). The music academy will help her settle and make friends, plus motivate her to do her best. She will thank you for listening to her and worst case scenario you move her for year 9. But by then the new head may have made the school more desirable and you’ll be glad you went with your instincts.

I get that it can be easier for parents if both kids go to the same school, but it may be that your Dd2 actually prefers to be more independent of her older sister.

Her future shouldn’t be decided on the choices made for a sibling.