Started independent school YR 7

[Felic23]

Hi
My son has just started a independent school in year 7. The school only goes up to year 8 so he will be changing again for year 9. He got a assisted place at the school as he is an over achiever and very sporty and academic.
The problem is he left primary school with so many friends which have all moved on to the local under achieving secondary school. My Son did not want to go there hense applying for the independent school. He is now finding it hard as he is losing touch with all the old friends including a best friend since year 2! He wont come out with it but I think he is regretting our decision.
My question is weather or not I should consider moving him to a local state school where he will have lots of local friends or keep him in the current school to have 2 years of a very good education but not be able to socialise much out of school as all the children there come from far and wide!
The idea was to give him a chance to really develop and flourish as is a really keen learner but he is really missing the social side of life. Any advice very much appreciated. Thanks x

It's only been half a term. if you son is really bright his prep school might help you apply for a scholarship to a secondary private school. it would be worth asking the Head for guidance.

It’s really hard at the moment, with limited options for socialising. Where are you planning for him to go to school in Year 9?

It's so easy for children to stay in touch now via social media that I'm really surprised he's losing touch with his old friends. perhaps they were not as good friends as he thought? Do his old friends live locally? I know it's harder these days because of Covid regulations but can you encourage / facilitate meet-ups (hanging round the park seems to be the favourite meet-up spot of my secondary school children!). No reason why he can't go to the private school and have local friends!

His friends from his old school seem to be meeting up and out and about as we keep bumping into them! As the new school is not in our town and children from there are spread around many different areas it's not possible for them to meet up unless parents arrange but my Son is mortified at that idea seeing it as a playdate!

I'm not sure if scholarship is the direction we want to go. The plan for year 9 is to apply for a local school that was our first choice of school but he never got it. He will know many kids there as we live close to it and many of the players from his footy team are there.

I just don't know if these 2 years will be worth it? It seemed like a fantastic opportunity when he got offered the place. The school is amazing and on the whole he is enjoying it but I'm not sure if him having to start again in year 9 and trying to join already established friendships etc
On the other hand the only option was for him to go to either this school or the one he was allocated * where ALL his friends have gone but it's in special measures and I just didn't want his attitude to learning to be lost or wasted.

At @RedskyAtnight thanks for your reply. That was my thought- he can have the best of both but just seems like it's not the happening. He used to be out in the park all the time but not anymore. His best friend and him have seen each other a few times but he has always instigated it. It just feels like now hes out the loop hes been forgotten!

Childhood friends aren’t necessarily permanent, probably rarely in fact. IME it is inevitable that he will be less close to his old friends then they are to each other. Most people’s long term friends are from uni or secondary school. A transition at y 9 might be tricky, I would be looking to keep him in the independent sector after that - seems pointless to go private and then leave before the end. It would make more sense to go state then private for 6th form if you are only doing 2 years.

I think I would try to firm up the plan for Y9 if possible. I'm assuming from your post that he didn't get into your preferred school for Y7 but you are hoping that a place will come up there in Y9? Is he on the waiting list and what position are you? If that's where you want him to go at would be tempted to move sooner if possible so he can make friends and settle.

If a Y9 place doesn't come up (or is unlikely) what next? Will you stay independent? What are his chances of a scholarship? I agree with a PP that he's only been at his new school a few weeks and it'll take time to make friends that he sees out of school, particularly at the moment when parents may be sticking to known friendship groups.

I wouldn’t bank on getting a place at Year 9 as it’s not a natural entry point into state school. Our school has a lot of sports scholars join in Years 5 and 6 and despite being warned of the consequences, still struggle with the reality that their only real options are independent schools after the end of Year 8. One boy has got a place at a state school in the last five years.

If you decide to move him then I would get on the continued interest list now and hope a place comes up and suck up having to pay a terms notice.

What I would say though is that it has only been a couple of weeks. Some people cope with change better than others. It sounds like you all went into it thinking it was the right thing. Things are a bit rubbish at schools at the moment due to COVID19 and that might not be helping things. Have a very blunt chat with him but don’t bank on that place at the school he wants to go to. You may well be in independent education until he’s 16 so you need to be realistic.

@Zodlebud thanks for reply. The the school we were avoiding will I'm sure have a place for him in year 9 as there under subscribed. The better local school perhaps not so I will definitely get him name on the waiting list asap. We couldn't afford him to go to independent school after year 8 unless he got a scholarship so I will need to speak to the school and see what they think his chances are once hes been there a little while. It's hard as its choosing between the worst school but with the added bonus of friends or the best school but only temporary and friends to hang out with after school wont happen there. I feel like he knows everyone is proud of him getting into this school he would find it hard to be really honest about how he feels. He has said quite a bit in the last week he wishes his school was closer so his friends would be too :(

@Romaincalm thanks for reply. Yes that's right wr are hoping he will get place at preferred school for year 9. The school admissions said this quite often happens as children move etc so places come up. Obviously they probably have a long waiting list so not sure of our chances but will call asap and talk it through with them. We couldn't afford to continue private school in year 9 unless he got a scholarship.

Perhaps you would qualify for a bursary for an independent school?

If he's sporty and academic definitely investigate a scholarship. If he's in a school that only goes to year 8 then the school should have links with Independent schools that go from year 9 onwards and should be able to advise you.
Unless its really what you and your DS want, I wouldn't take 2nd best if he's capable of more. If you didn't want it the first time round, the likelihood is you wont want it the 2nd time round.
I wouldn't worry about friends, its been a funny year for friendships with social distancing and lockdown etc. Its rear for primary school friends to stay in contact even when they go to the same school because friendships change over the years.

Don't worry about friends, worry about post Y8. Speak to the school and tell them you're interested in getting him down the scholarship/bursary route later down the line so that they can keep an eye on him and give you a good indication.

Friendships will change and personally you shouldn't move him to a school you don't rate for that reason. It's early days and can take a term to settle in. As a fellow year 7&8 prep boys parent you do need to be researching where to send him next now. Not only for the purpose of applying for bursaries and scholarships in time but also to give him a sense of direction.

Thanks I will start looking, it will be interesting to know how many children get in on scholarships and burseries.

@Felic23 not sure of exact figures but he's got a great chance given he's in a prep already. Speak to the prep head asap.

Yes I will, I am a little bit worried though about him being the 'poor boy's as I'm a single parent on a low income. I think older boys can be a bit mean!

If he's not experiencing it in prep, he's even less likely to at senior. It's not very cool to be a rich Tory in the midst of young people now.
There will be many more like him at senior too as they have more cash.

I'm not clear why you have opted to go to a prep with a view to returning to the state sector. Preps like to fill year 7 and 8 to make up for those leaving at 11 and will often provide financial incentives to newcomers. Have you discussed potential destinations with the smt yet? Even if he got into the better state at year 9 will he be able to continue the subjects and sports etc at the same level, with good facilities? Does this prep enter them for CE?

At the time we had to decide he had not been allocated our preferred state school and the school he did get was in special measures. That is why we looked at other options and applied for the current private school. Sorry I don't know what CE is? Hes only been at the school just over a month so it's all quite new.

@foxesandsquirrels that's good to know and as far as I'm aware there hasn't been anyone making any unkind comments.

I have a super bright sporty son but he is in the local comp with all his primary school friends and it was the best decision for him. He is still in a group of lovely boys he has known since he was at nursery, I know the parents and he goes for sleepovers and out with his friends. He/they dont keep in touch with kids who went to other schools. I feel friends are very important to my sons happiness and the sense of community. He is extreemly happy and I think friends are very important and we do carry them on in life. I still know my school friends and Im friends with some. But he did make the decision! Maybe his friends know that too.

I have a child at independant school from Yr 7.
We applied for scholarships /bursaries.

they are only one attending from primary school.
It is challenging with regards the meeting friends from school.
But both children have commuted into central london for school.
Eldest goes on her own to meet friends at weekend.

Yr 7 child has met up with primary friend once but I did go with her then they went off together and had a picnic before meeting me a few hours later.

They do have a few friends locally from sports team and from scouts. but majority are not close by.
It is doable but takes some good planning and logistics.

Not sure where you are based but there are a lot of schools that offer support with fees, many have chariatable status , they only get to keep it if they help others.
Try a search for "Fee asssitance schools" I know there is a london consortium not sure if there are others in different areas.

CE is Common Entrance, a series of formal tests for entry to traditional independents at 13. It is taken in summer term of year 8. If yours works towards it year 7 will teach the curriculum and year 8 be full of practice papers. There are separate scholarship papers. If not they may teach more generally but towards 13+ entrance tests for selective schools. Some 13+ schools pretest in year 6 or 7. You need to find out quite quickly what system you are in and whether that matches your aspirations for next school and any potential financial assistance/scholarships available. Your ds may be an overachiever and sporty but these things tend to be very competitive and require preparation.

@Crouchendmumoftwo thanks for your reply. It was his choice and it was mainly based on the 2 times we visited the school. Lockers were smashed in, the atmosphere was depressing and there were boys running up the corridors shouting ' this school is shit' so it put him off! It was such a hard choice and he is missing his friends. I just hope he makes new ones x