Should I move my DD in Y9

[Dinnerisburnt]

Before lockdown my DD fell out with her friendship group in Y8. She remained friends with 1 out of a group of 6. Became very isolated during lockdown and was refusing to go back to school in September. I filled out an in year transfer form for her to change to another school in our town which she wanted to go to. She got put on the waiting list and we talked through the issues at her current school with her HOY. We agreed between us that she would move forms to be with her remaining 1 friend. Since she has gone back she has not been happy going to school, feels very isolated and has only the one friend left. She feels her entire year group dislike her and there is no way out of the situation.

Friday I get a call from the school we applied to to offer her a place, we have a meeting arranged for Monday morning at the new school to meet the head teacher.

Her current school is OFSTED outstanding, church school with no real catchment area, basically you go to church to get a place.

New school is OFSTED good, in a nearby housing estate about a mile from her current school.

My husband doesn’t want her to move, she does, I just want her to be happy but am apprehensive of her leaving her current school and effectively running away from sorting out friendship issues.

Her reasons for wanting to move is that her only friend she has left has also fallen out with most people in her year group and everyone hates the two of them. She feels very lonely and just wants a fresh start.

How difficult is it to integrate into a new school in Y9? She is friends with one other child at the school we applied for.

I am going round in circles with agreeing with her to move or going with my husband who is adamant she is not moving schools. He is offering to pay fees and move her to an independent school if she is that unhappy, but she doesn’t want that and will literally not know anyone so would rather stay at current school and be unhappy.

We live in an isolated area and she doesn’t see many other children her own age apart from her out of school hobby which she goes to twice a week.

My head is fried from thinking about it all.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Let her move. At her age she needs to have a say and once the nasty teen girl tide turns against a child it can often never be fixed. I say this as a mum of a teen girl and someone who works in a secondary.

It’s a chance for a fresh start and if she has issues with friends at the new school then you’ll know it’s mire his age interacts than the school and can work on that side. It may however Ed just be that she’s in a nasty group and she might thrive at the new school.

It should afterall be up to her.

*more how she interacts

I’d move her as well. It’s a life time for them at this age. Why keep her suffering?

I’d move her, the new school sounds helpful if they are considering f her friendships. I’d talk to the mum of her friend at the current school and suggest she thinks more about moving too? Obviously that’s her decision but it could be great for them to both move before GCSE options.

Some independent schools have a big intake in y9, others don’t. Depends on the school. However I would strongly consider it. If you don’t think she will fit in there, definitely take the other school and cross your fingers that her friendships continue. Girls tend to make firmer friends in GCSE groups I found. They see friends more as like minded people who have similar interests. Just being in a gang of 6 was limiting. This is why she had no room for manoeuvre. She might end up in completely different classes to her friends at the new school so she needs a wider spectrum of friends outside the girls she already knows.

DS has just moved schools in Y9. He was miserable in the old school and wanted to transfer.

He seems to have been accepted by a group of really nice boys immediately. He’s so much happier already.

If she already has friends in the new school and she herself wants to move then I would let her. I don’t see it as running away, learning when to cut your losses and move on from an unhappy situation is an important life skill.

Whilst your dd might end up in different classes to her friends, there is nothing stopping her making friends with the people in the classes she will be in.

Just because she is going to the same school as her friends from her ECA it doesn’t stop her from making friends with other people.

Atm she is miserable. That isn’t going to change for the next few years if she remains where she is.

Why would you want your dd to be miserable

There is a thread running atm where a friend has lied to the posters bf and been a complete bitch and the bf and the bitch have cut the poster out.
The overwhelming response has been to ignore and move on.
No one has said don’t run away from your problems and stay and sort things out so I don’t know why your dh would make his dd stay in what would be a toxic situation.

With her only other friend there leaving I can see it only getting worse for your dd

I would definitely move her. Especially as the hobby friend and her friends are at the new school and seem keen for her to go there.