Year 8 support

[Faith1976]

I am really feeling for my daughter at the moment. She starts back into year 8. I am feeling guilty as I chose this school as it was close to where we live, a smaller school and is rated good. However the guilt part of this is I sent her to a school none of her primary school friends went to. On her first day back a girl at her school asked if she could walk with Ella but now the girl can’t. This would have eased first day nerves back a little bit for her. She has not really formed any close friends at her new school. I asked if there was anyone else she could contact to walk with and she does not feel she knows anyone enough to do this. I have had a chat with her about where she needs to go in when arrives at school etc. I just want her to be happy and have friends. She has tried to reach out to her old primary school friends but they are not bothered as in their own schools, new social circles. Maybe on a positive with having to be with her bubble year 8 she may get to know a few more kids. Anyone else feeling the same?

I think it's going to be hard for Year 8s (as for everyone!). They're going to be expected to be the 'old hands' now, but actually they probably still feel quite new to secondary, and it will almost be like starting again. Talking to friends, a lot of their Year 8s haven't kept in contact with the new friends they had tentatively started to make - most have fallen back on old friendships during lockdown (also partly because their primary friends are more local). My Year 8 also didn't know anyone when he started secondary, and he hasn't seen anyone from secondary during lockdown. Luckily he seems reasonably chilled about it - I think he's just desperate to get back to school - so I'm trying to be laid back about it too. Has your daughter said she's feeling anxious about it? If so, is there a channel for you to quietly let her form tutor know? Hopefully the school will be well aware of these potential pastoral issues and will be putting some focus on reforming friendships.

Each year has their Covid challenges - I've got one going into Y8 and I agree it is like starting new. It hadn't got to the point when they knew school or school knew them. We never had a parents evening.. DD has over last two months met regularly with her new friends but what I'm really hoping is school realise issue and start them again.

DD is really craving the structure and certainty a school day will bring.

Please don't feel guilty about sending her to that particular school. There were obviously good reasons why you chose that school, and no way you could have known what challenges this year would bring! What is the reason the girl can't walk to school with her?
I think schools will be well aware of challenges and stress faced by students of all years, for different reasons, but I agree there's no harm at all in dropping form tutor an email, if possible, and letting them know your DD is feeling a bit worried and nervous. I think pastoral care will be top of most schools and teachers' agenda.

Thanks for your replies. She seems fairly okay today and we have been having a chat about it whenever she want’s to. Just been trying to prepare her for the changes and looking at the school plans together. Now she is prepared to walk in on her own and seems okay about this now but am expecting a few wobbles prior to her going back. She had a Microsoft teams meeting just before July holidays with her form group and the pastoral lady. DD was honest and said during the meeting she would feel nervous- I was taken aback by her being able to say this. The pastoral lady was great and reassured her that it was all new for everyone and that they are all there to support each other. Her friend can’t meet as lives not walkable distance from school and as her parents are working she has had to make other arrangements to get to school which is totally understandable. They are starting later the first few days and I am still WFH so can’t do lifts etc. DD has been the same over this period and has had very little contact with any of her new friends and a little bit of contact with her old ones.

Mine is similar. Her school isn't walkable, nor on public transport links, so I have to drop her. She lives too far away from her school to have met up with friends she'd started to make in Y7, but has met up with friends from her primary a couple of times.
She assures me she's not anxious about returning to school, but I don't believe her. It's bloody hard to accept what she says and not push her to admit her nerves!

I'm going with the plan to try to establish sleep and early wake up this week and make sure she's got everything practical she needs for start of term. Then keep it relatively easy for a few weeks before I start expecting her to do her chores as well as all the other stuff she's going to have to get used to juggling again.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/3989601-Parents-of-soon-to-be-year-8s-starting-in-September

OP, another thread was started on this topic a while ago, which may be useful. Hope the link works! And good luck to your DD.