GCSE Summer 2020 Thread 9 : Carry on Corona Cohort ‘Let’s Ofqual the whole thing off'

[OrangeCinnamon1]

Welcome all to the 9th Thread for this year's GCSE cohort - the Corona Cohort!

This is a thread for supporting all young people ( and their parents) taking GCSEs regardless of the institute they attend or the grades they need. It is respectfully requested that we are all supportive and helpful to each other.

If you want to start a debate e.g state vs private - please do not within this thread.

Similarly it should be recognised that the grades our children need/deserve/want will vary across the board- we wish to celebrate and comiserate with all. One same grade outcome can simultaneously cause joy and despair for different posters and their families. Please be sensitive when responding to threads about grade outcomes.

Some of us have been here since I started first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. It is hoped this will continue. Going forward we intend to stay on the Secondary Education Board (at least until Mumsnet HQ chuck us out ) as from now on our DS/DD may go down various paths such employment, apprenticeships, higher ed etc so we decided not to be exclusionary.

Any new threads should have 'GCSE Summer 2020 Thread # : Carry on Corona Cohort' in title just to make it easier to find. There is no preciousness about who starts new threads!

At this precise moment in time we are still awaiting GCSE results . At first these were to be that seem to have been produced by an algorithm that also takes very little account of Teacher Centre Assessed Grades. There is an appeal process but it was changed to include mock results and coursework, then taken down again for review. Now it has been decided that the higher of Centre Assessed Grades and Calculated Grades will be awarded in two parts??!?!

We are all STILL trying to protect our young people's mental health, which the government claims is their priority...when they talk about wanting students back in schools/college in September...

First Thread

Previous thread

My DM, who I was close to as a teen, has ignored DS1 and 2s birthdays for about 10 years now and literally has no clue how old they are. Occasionally she asjs for photos but I don't oblige. (she is in US)

DF is much more interested now ( he has a new wife) but throughout my school days he never knew what year group I was in! DH s dad bullied him and did all the ridiculous pushing him to be the best at everything and DH ended up underperforming at every possible turn. DH has turned out a little bit like him. Apples and trees...

This is like group therapy!

MIL is fine! She would praise them if they got all 1s even if they should have got 8s. This does have its own issues but is preferable!

Oh red that's rough. I'd just say he's not saying as even 98% isn't good enough for them and as he has no actual data he doesn't want to be shamed for something he didn't even do himself.

But you'd have to be brave to do that!

My parents are both teachers. Mum always jokes about how she failed some of her o levels.
Sink school and council upbringing.

I had more of a MC upbringing.

But when parents trained as teachers it was teacher college and vocation and none of this degree stuff!

But back when ofsted use to rate lessons mum always hit outstanding!

I realise now how lucky I am that they place a lot of value in working hard but are quite chilled about grades and know that ds just surviving school was a Miracle challenge ----

We have decided to give DC a little 'well done 'gift on weds evening before results day...to show that the reward is for all of the hard work that they put in the whole way thru school- and in some ways the results are inconsequential.
Don't worry, it isn't a cash/grade linked incentive. It's entry for an event that DC wants to attend. But doesn't think we would let them go

I once had to tell a parent to stop it when she publicly berated her hard working daughter on results day because "it wasn't good enough". It explained a lot about the child.

Made some forest fruit vodka for us all ...won't be ready for a while though!

In time for Oct half term Orange??

DS1 thought I was getting at him when I was surprised that a couple of his best subjects were not As for GCSE. I was not cross, just surprised as he had always been predicted A and the exams had gone well (turned out his school had given all of them really low coursework marks and nobody got an A* for one of those subjects). I was driving at the time (taking DS2 somewhere, so maybe I was not paying enough attention to how he would hear what I was saying as I was trying to process whilst driving and talking hands free.

It was my fault, I should have pulled over and given him my full attention. I now know that I have to be careful not to inadvertently say something in a way which might be mis-interpreted! Saying the right thing to teenagers can be so hard!

With the difficult grandparents it sounds like something which might be worth confronting. Maybe tell them in advance that you will not be sharing results with them as you don't want their reaction to upset the DCs. Then on the day just say they have all they need for their next step.

Hope they can be nice.

I think it needs at least three months am afraid! It will probably be ready when the summer house I ordered in June arrives mid -November!

Had an email from the College it seems students will be required to go home 'if they can' between lessons. Only grab and go food available and reserving the right to use blended learning. Dd is so upset she will never get a Boyfriend now apparently !

If any of you have kind, mature, supportive , tall sons who like music and petite brunettes do let me know (no idea why they have to be tall seeing as she is a Polly pocket) .

@MrsHamlet

I once had to tell a parent to stop it when she publicly berated her hard working daughter on results day because "it wasn't good enough". It explained a lot about the child.

This is awful! Sorry for the crap parentdom all. We, hopefully, learn from their mistakes.

I have a DM like this. My plan is to put the news on the family whatsapp, depending on how DS does I might put grades or a rough idea or just that he's safely into his A level courses. Whatever I put I know my sister and his grown up cousins will all be whooping and congratulating and making a big fuss. DS doesn't do whatsapp so I can pass on the congratulations and skip over whatever barbed comment my mother comes out with. (I then will probably share all the details just with DSis and her youngest, who are both teachers, they will definitely be interested to know GAVs v CAGs and how it compares to theirs)

Ah, @OrangeCinnamon1 in our city there is a vibrant social life outside school for sixth formers. Partly because the different schools mix as people move to different sixth forms but stay in touch with old friends so they get mixed together.

Long time lurker. Checking in. Hi all, heard from daughters school today, explained how the cags were made up. I've had many sleepless nights recently like you all.

Don't have any advice to offer re grandparents as DD doesn't have any. Sadly both my and DH parents have all passed away (3 before she was even born and my Mum when DD was 2).

This is why I love using FB and Mumsnet to talk about things DD has done. It's hard in real life without sounding a boostful prat...actually not allowed to talk about DD on FB since she was about 10 as she doesn't approve which is fair enough. All photos have to be vetted too :-)

I've realised that I've had 4 migraines recently and I'm sure they are to do with all this GCSE stress! then I think back and remember that my parents weren't as nearly invested in my grades! They wanted me to behave, be polite and do my best but hard NO idea how things worked. They wouldn't have had a clue what was a "good" grade.

Wondering if I'm too invested in DDs situation. I've looked at Uni stuff for her too, because I know she won't do it yet. It's obviously up to her to pick what she wants to study and where but I have been looking what's available (even made spreadsheets of A level subjects and grades needed) I think I may be too invested!

RedSky
My mum was exactly the same with me, growing up (exactly the same comments re 98%), and even now, nothing I do is ever good enough.

She doesn’t understand DD’s ADHD and to make matters worse, DN took GCSEs last year and got all 7, 8, 9s and is applying to Oxbridge this Autumn.
Of course, DD’s results will never be her doing, as far as my mum and brother are concerned.

Over the years, and following a period of estrangement from them both, I have learnt not to seek their approval for anything, and I am especially fierce in my protection of both DCs against any kind of toxicity.
In your position, I think refusing to talk about grades is a good stance - can you simply tell them that DS has been successful in his progression to 6th form?

Heifer I have a uni subjects / entry requirements spreadsheet too

I've bought my daughter a pandora charm, card, sweetie box and my parents have ordered flowers for her. She should pass on cags and I've told her if she's doesn't it's not her that's failed its the system as she never got her chance. Her sixth form has said she can go whatever

(DS did ask me to do it but maybe because he knows I love a spreadsheet. It's supposed to help him figure out what to drop as he's chosen 4 subjects but will drop one ASAP)

Still on the dysfunctional parents theme -

DD’s best friend is the eldest child in her family. Father is a very successful businessman, but completely emotionally unavailable, other than to constantly berate her (he calls her fat and lazy...she is anything but) and her mum is slightly better, but obsessed with grades, and neither parent has ever told her they love her. 😞

Not sure if it will put the cat among the pigeons, but I’ve bought her a congratulations card ahead of Thursday - I can’t bear to think of her being ignored.

So many sad stories @Alsoplayspiccolo how lovely of you to do that, I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.

I went to university with a girl with a similar background, she was so clever and so hardworking and so lovely and she never got a single positive thing said to her from either parent as far as we could tell. On the day our degree grades were awarded she rang her dad to tell him she’d got a first and all he said was “okay. Well, was that the best you could have done?” It breaks my heart that so many parents are like this.

We will be telling DS we are proud of him regardless of what Thursday brings!

DD back. DS went to pick her up. She asked how he was doing about the exams. Reply ‘I’m fine, Mum on the other hand.....’ 😂

We will be celebrating with DD in Thursday. A bit of seed cash for her "learning to drive fund", she has chosen tea and asked me to bake a cake plus we have some fizzy chilling to toast her with. All in the spirit of marking the end of an era and congratulating her hard work and good humour in the face of a very trying y11. She has missed out on so many milestones this year, I'm damned if she is missing out on Thursday.

@RedskyAtnight agree with others about keeping it high level with phrases such as got what he needed to move forward, a stepping stone onto the next stage and how you’re very proud of him etc.

Good idea on a congrats card - whatever happens I know DD worked her socks off in year 11 and along with finding out she had learning difficulties and more recently ADHD it’s been a rollercoaster for her but she’s stayed strong throughout. Whatever Thursday brings she knows she couldn’t have tried any harder.

@FlyingPandas mine were the opposite. I was called stupid and thick by my parents.
I always choose my words carefully with my son. Never say a bad thing about his work. Even if he has not done what was supposed to. It has worked. I never wanted him to feel one ounce of what I felt. And he never has.
He is due to get fours and fives and he has had a painful medical problem for the last year. He has tired hard. Even if gets a three I will be there giving him a hug and telling him he has done a wonderful job.

I was also a teaching assistant for a while. I sat with some of those children for hours while they couldn’t figure things out. I wouldn’t let them say one time that they couldn’t do it. That they felt stupid. None of my children that I helped never felt that way. And that is something I am very proud of.

Fools This morning I asked DD how she and her friends were feeling about Thursday and she said ‘Mam, that ship sailed long ago’