@Canklesforankles How did you get your DD assessed? I am very suspicious that DD is ADD (but without the H). Of your list:
School was more tiring for her (the sensory inputs, keeping stillish and quietish), trying to focus and switch attention, tracking (also dyslexic) Mine is not dyslexic, happy to be stillish and quietish (but then she goes off into daydreams and doesn't learn anything), but the rest sounds right on point.. If she focuses on learning, she needs to fiddle to keep focused (the best thing we have found is a sequined pencil case, and she strokes the sequins back and forth). She was yelled at by her chemistry teacher for doing this this week (she does it under the desk, but in the science labs the desks are high, and she could see. She has one chemistry lesson in the science labs and one in the regular classroom, and she said the chemistry teacher didn't notice in the regular classroom). But as she says, if I don't fiddle, I can't learn. Before GCSEs, we took the attitude that in subjects that weren't going to be important, it didn't actually matter if she learnt, and better she keep quiet. But when she is quiet, she really isn't there.
Teachers were baffled by her because she was obviously bright and enthusiastic and just didn’t have the organisational skills to match so it looked like lack of effort Teachers are baffled by her lack of organisational skills, and even more so about how slow she is at doing anything. Why does it take her half the lesson to get things out of her pencil case and get down to work?. Why does it look like she is working industriously, and very little has been done when she is so obvously trying? And yet if she gets long enough she gets everything right, even the hard questions.
She needed a lot of downtime to relax and recharge otherwise she got really stressed and her sleep went from poor to diabolical. She was a good sleeper at primary school, but now we are having huge problems, which I definitely think is stress related (got much better during lockdown, if anything she thrived in lockdown).
I dunno, there is something, but I don't know if it is quite the same. (BTW, her older DS, I was suspicious for years he also had ADHD, but didn't want to get him diagnosed, as I was a bit concerned about him being put on to Ritalin - he was rather H, had endless problems with him calling out and getting out of his seat, but because he was genuinely interested in academic subjects, he was also a joy for the teachers to teach, because he was always so enthusiastic, and the first to respond and absorb and interact. Had less problem getting him to do homework, although it tended to be rushed and slapdash and all over the place. But what really helped was that he actually really interested in Maths and Science and English and History and Geography, especially if taught orally, and his oral responses were always so good, that we just worked on strategies to make the written stuff a bit better).
And now I am looking at a DD who has spent her life flying under the radar, and wondering, does she actually have something more linked to DS than I imagined (understand that when DS is in the room, he is likely to be singing and dancing and making noise and taking up space, and DD is barely there, and I keep having to protect her from him). I guess that is why I am so interested, because from what I am reading on the web, ADD/ADHD does present differently in girls, and maybe this is just a female version.