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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Anyone got a teen who reads?

83 replies

FreakStar · 20/07/2020 12:43

My DD is 14 and used to be an avid and able reader. However, since starting secondary it's become increasingly difficult to get her to read until now she never reads at all. Not magazines, not online news, not books, nothing! I've bought her books for Christmas, I've taken her to the library and the bookshop where she's picked out some books, she's ordered books from Amazon but they all sit on the shelf untouched. We've tried backing off, we've tried scheduling it in, we take her devices away before bed in the hope she'll read in bed before she turns her light off etc. Her English teacher has recommended books and said she can borrow her copy, still no reading. So this morning I've told her I'd like her to spend time reading in the holiday which resulted in her crying and saying she'll fail her GCSEs if she has to read books and she doesn't enjoy reading and it's boring. DH and I both read, I don't understand how it can be boring if you are engrossed in a book. reading to me if knowledge and insight, and in my mind anyone who says reading is boring is usually uneducated. I don't want her to be one of those people who never reads. What can I do?

OP posts:

PettsWoodParadise · 21/07/2020 07:25

DD is 15 and adores reading. She did have a blip a couple of years ago where she almost stopped but we implemented a regular evening where we all sat and read for 45 minutes, none of us were allowed our phones or TV, and whilst that has changed I still often sit next to her and read too either on a Sunday afternoon, on a train journey or just before bed. I had found I was fiddling on my phone and that was rubbing off on DD and in a similar way she picked back up reading when we were reading too.

labyrinthloafer · 21/07/2020 07:31

I also tread carefully. You risk making it worse.

There are two questions imo:

is she able to read to a high enough standard in the opinion of her teacher. If yes, fine, if no - she needs to do it for work.
does she want to read for pleasure - that is for her to answer at age 14

In terms of encouraging, just read a lot yourself, leave things around, buy anything she does want to read!

utterlynutty · 21/07/2020 08:10

My DD was an avid reader from the time she could read books independently,and always had a book to read. She's now in her 20s and still reads.DS on the other hand never liked reading books and only read the books he needed to for school.He read a lot of news and business articles online and if any particular topic took his interest he would research it further. He passed all his English exams with flying colours(much to the amazement of his sister).I don't think you can force anyone to read books,only encourage and even then it doesn't always work.

Tinamou · 21/07/2020 08:17

I know you say you've already tried this, but I do the thing of taking screens away at bedtime and saying they can read before turning the light off. Why didn't that work - did she just go straight to sleep instead? Maybe do it half an hour earlier so she's less tired?

You do have to accept that not everyone loves reading. I'm an avid reader, and before I met my DH I had similar thoughts to you about people who don't read, but he's an educated, intelligent, interesting man who doesn't really read (maybe 3-4 books a year).

Original poster

FreakStar · 21/07/2020 08:37

OK, sounds like it's best to not pressure her. She's always been a very able reader and was able to read well from a young age and scores highly in her English work- she's predicted a 9 at GCSE. Hopefully it's 'just a phase'.

OP posts:

Schulte · 21/07/2020 14:01

Could be that she just can't find a book that really grabs her? I remember having that problem at around that age, children's books were too 'young' for me and teen books were too focused on issues to be fun. Eventually I moved on to proper grown-up books (via some pretty trashy Mills & Boon type novels). She'll come back to it I'm sure.

Enb76 · 21/07/2020 14:07

I think it's more likely that other things are grabbing her attention. We have no tech time where I don't care what she does as long as it's not on tech. Art, music and reading all happen during this time, it's scheduled into the day and everyone in the house follows it.

clary · 21/07/2020 14:12

yes I agree, sometimes kids' books are too easy and YA ones don't appeal to all. When I was 14 I loved Agatha Christie, well written, but easy to read, grown up but not at all heavy. Or PG Wodehouse.

Schulte · 21/07/2020 15:17

My 13 yo DD loves Bill Bryson's books. Mostly because of the occasional swearing

Schulte · 21/07/2020 15:18

I like the idea of the no tech time but how do you enforce it? DH is inseparable from his phone so he'd be my biggest problem...

PettsWoodParadise · 21/07/2020 15:47

@Schulte

I like the idea of the no tech time but how do you enforce it? DH is inseparable from his phone so he'd be my biggest problem...

We left devices in a different room and all sat together and read. It was also about a different pace of life. Having got used to when DD was little having our own time as parents once she was in bed found that as she got older and to bed later we hadn’t changed what we did except drop the bedtime story which is why she fell out of the habit of reading. Magazines, books, scrabble night are all good options and don’t have to be long, we can live without our devices for 30-45 mins and as I realised my phone habit was rubbing off on DD that was my motivation and will hopefully be the same for your DH.

We are usually a family who eat together (no tech at the table is our rule) and read the paper in the mornings and in the evenings eat together again some nights but then run off to own spaces but found it good to counter that at least one evening a week. The rest of the week we can be as slobbish as we like, except for DD who if she has got to a crucial bit in her book is now better than us at putting down her devices to read on.

HasaDigaEebowai · 21/07/2020 15:53

Perhaps suggest some adult (but appropriate) books. DS1 loved The Martian when he was about 13 and Ready Player One (great book - nothing like the movie)

akkakk · 21/07/2020 16:11

So this morning I've told her I'd like her to spend time reading in the holiday which resulted in her crying and saying she'll fail her GCSEs if she has to read books and she doesn't enjoy reading and it's boring.

Have you picked up on her comment about failing her GCSEs - sounds to me as though there is some internal pressure she is feeling which means that she is worried about time and workload - the other comments are teenager waffle to cover up - the first seems more significant...

artisanparsnips · 21/07/2020 16:14

Agree about no tech time. DD is 13 and gets some time on her phone in the morning. After that, to do any more screens she has to do her chores, do some exercise, do something creative and read. Plus she has time limits on her phone.

And we all do minimal tech on Sundays.

PhilODox · 21/07/2020 16:43

I think often it's about not being able to find things that really grab them.
DS is a reader, like me, and will literally read anything- even receipts and cereal packets, his eyes are just drawn to text. DD reads fairly irregularly- she only likes specific types of stories, and is very reluctant to move outside her comfort zone. She sees reading as a punishment! She'll read books on gardening for hours though.

TempestHayes · 21/07/2020 17:07

Don't chuck FitAttic at her just because she's switched off, I doubt a bit of incest rape is going to get her reading again.

Chances are books around her level are just boring now. The YA genre has been overtaken with 100 clones of the same dismal stories and its hard to find anything worth reading. I'm an avid reader, writer and literature graduate but am often astonished at the dross getting published to sell copies in Tesco rather than from any passionate author. No characters, only visual descriptions. No development. No one changes because 'fans' demand their 'faves' remain the same.

I went through a period at her age where I did not want to read 'adult' books, as the sex made me uncomfortable (I was being bullied at school for having little interest in 'boyfriends') and violence often very extreme. I re-read my old Malory Towers books for a while instead.

I got back into it for a decade or so but these days really struggle to find anything that's not a shite clone of some other moneymaker, although some indie publishers and crowd-funded titles have been very good. "Witchmark" by CL Polk was brilliant.

It's not a big deal. She'll go back to it someday.

Madcats · 21/07/2020 19:49

DD(12) doesn't read much.

Her English teacher (selective school) seemed unfazed and suggested that we made her download some book samples from Amazon onto a device (doesn't have to be a Kindle) and just give each book a 5-10 minute "try". It costs nothing and it might inspire her to ask for a book.

DD did love audiobooks for her Junior School years, using them to fall asleep, to the extent that she could recall huge chunks of books. We can download books from our library for free, so that might be worth a look? Maybe podcasts would be more of interest? There is such a variety out there. Or maybe some plays online?

Our family doesn't have too much stress in our lives, but we want to emerge from this crazy situation with our mental health intact(ish). I think I'd ease off a bit (but then, I am not in your shoes).

frasersmummy · 21/07/2020 20:39

one teacher told me..put their favourite program on.. mute the tv and put the subtitles on.. voila .. reading..

Charles11 · 21/07/2020 20:49

My teens read and I think it’s because I just used to insist on 20 mins reading before bed every night from when they were young.
I used to tell them it was part of their homework as the school used to say it was something they should do.
I’ve never let them have phones at night and they leave them downstairs to charge. They willingly read now but I know if I let them have their phones, the reading would stop.
My ds has been reading horror since 14 and loves it.

TempestHayes · 21/07/2020 23:07

@frasersmummy

one teacher told me..put their favourite program on.. mute the tv and put the subtitles on.. voila .. reading..

What kind of shitty advice is that? Reading isn't just looking at words and knowing what they say, it's comprehension and understanding subtext.

TempestHayes · 21/07/2020 23:08

Criticism to the teacher, not to yourself.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 22/07/2020 00:01

My teen reads a lot, I thought he had lost interest in books around 12 when the Xbox/iPad took over but I have come to understand, in recent years, that although he put fiction books to the side, he is now reading a lot of history, politics, economics, sociology , science and picking up some literature about cinema classics all in the time I thought he was wasting in social media/ watching memes in the iPad.

So the moral of the story is, we sowed the seeds for reading, they are taking over their journey into other topics and platforms, all while we are thinking they are wasting their time.🙂

tenlittlecygnets · 22/07/2020 00:05

Too much tech saps your attention span. Makes it much harder for kids to access harder lit, such as Victorian it American. Such a fucking shame. They expect things to start with a bang and go so fast that they forget to watch out for the slow joys of fiction.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 22/07/2020 07:29

Agree, but then they are teens, turning into adults and, although you can push them to read literature for the purpose of completing their school work, you cannot force them to read what you want them to read for entertainment purposes.

Didiusfalco · 22/07/2020 08:10

I don’t like the idea that there is ‘good’ reading and ‘bad’ reading or certain types of books you ‘should’ read. At this point if she was willing I would get her to try something different, a biography, like a previous poster said a Bill Bryson, a graphic novel, if she’s worried about reading detracting from GCSEs a book that links with one of her subjects but is more for enjoyment. How about a news based magazine or periodical just for her? It may be that the standard ya stuff just isn’t working for her at the moment. However if you thought she might still go for something in that genre that was binge worthy has she tried Karen McManus?

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