I think I chose the wrong secondary school for my son

[Mumma331]

Hi all,

I am having a complete wobble about the secondary school my son will be going to.

We moved to a new area a couple of years ago but I kept my son in the same junior school in our old area as he is happy there and it is also near my work/grandparents.

The secondary school we have chosen is closer to home, but still a school bus journey away. We both loved it when viewing it but my son will not know anyone at all nor the area and I just feel so sick about it and keep getting so tearful.

My son has a very large group of friends who are all going to the feeder high school to his current junior school. The only issue would have been it’s not near to our house and is he would need to rely on me for the next 7 or so years to drive him there and back as it’s impossible to get to and from by public transport from where we live but at least he would have all of his friends. I have added him to the waiting list of this school as a back up.

Has anyone also had a wobble about their school choices?

Sorry I know I need to get a grip I think I am also so sad that he is growing up and leaving such an amazing school and the friends he has grown up with over these years

When ds started at secondary there was only three other pupils from his primary going to the same school as him, the majority went to the catholic high school. We didn't really get a choice because all four including ds would have been turned down if they had chosen the catholic school which was oversubscribed & could have been sent to any school in the city, we had to choose the local school. Ds never has anything to do with the kids who he went to primary with, his friends now are from other feeder schools.

My dd was the only one from her primary to go to her school, and she is naturally quite shy and anxious. She has made lovely new friends and rarely mentions her primary school friends now, and would not want to change to the school where most of them go!

Please do try and keep your anxieties away from your DS as well. For him it will be key to see you are enthusiastic and encouraging. I’ve seen some children who have struggled only because their parents thought they would and that became their mindset.

In secondary they all split up into different tutor groups and classes. By relying on you as a taxi he would be missing out on all the local casual socialising that happens after school. It is not like when they are in primary and parents arrange play dates.

You can’t condemn a teenager to a life of being reliant on your availability to drive him about.

He loved the school when you visited. He needs to go buoyed up with optimism (despite inevitable first day nerves) and make local friends.

Does he even know you have put him on the waiting list for a school in your old area?

You are projecting your own fears, which is not fair.

Thank you so much for all the replies and advice. It’s so reassuring hearing others experiences. My son has no idea of my anxieties at all. I of course speak positively about the school to him (while trying to convince myself at the same time!) one of the things I loved is they were the only school that also offered a transitional summercamp for the Year 6 children to get to know each other before Sept and transition days but these have all been cancelled because of COVID. I just can’t shake this anxious feeling...I think I just need him to hurry up and start. My feelings might also be because I still do not yet feel settled in our new area and didn’t enjoy secondary school but that’s another thing. Thanks again everyone xx

I feel like we made a mistake when choosing our son's secondary school but not because of friends but because he is a special needs child. We already had a place in a school that is supposed to be good but we got offered a place in a school closer and it's very popular so we picked that instead.
Now I'm not sure it will be better, it's a lot bigger and the headteacher hasn't replied to my email asking about the arrengements for special needs children where as the original choice school's head called us to discuss the situation with us. But too late to change mind now so I guess we just have to see how it goes and hope for the best.

My dc is the only one from their primary school going to the secondary. It’s nowhere near our house and will have a longish commute. Doesn’t seem to be too bothered and I think it will be good for them. I work near the new school which is why we chose it. I’m more worried than my DC is which is probably good I think but we did a reccy around the area today, had a great chat with the man at train station and feel more reassured. I’m hoping the new school opens a new world for my DC. Better to look forward than back.

@iwalkinmyclothing I can never figure out which schools people go to from Levy. But MEA.C massively over subscribed now..

Hey , so we chose our DS a school a land I’m worried it’s the wrong one, he had a choice of a very small one for just primary years or a big one which would continue all of his school life, we chose the small one and now I’m thinking with his outgoing bubble character he would have preferred the larger school, where he would have spent his whole school life ! I’m on a waiting list but chances are it won’t be available now 😭 I thought the small one would be good for more individual attention and less bullying but now after seeing it I feel like it’s too small and cramped ! He is currently in a larger school for kinder.

@Hellobell it's best to start a new thread. This one is four years old, and people might respond to the original question rather than your new one.