Any experience of police involvement with schools?

[MerryMarigold]

Not even sure where to start.

My Y6 11yo has been reported to police by another child's parents. Ds said something inappropriate on WhatsApp. (Yes, I know he shouldn't have WhatsApp, but we let him use his older brother's phone in lockdown to keep in touch with friends). Anyway, school dealt with it pretty severely (major telling off by Head and Deputy and moved classes), as did we did at home. Police phoned me yesterday regarding an allegation of 'ongoing harassment'. They sounded a bit embarrassed to be honest as they'd already spoken to school who clarified there have been no ongoing incidents. The police said they're not going to come round and see my son and won't be taking out any further.

However, tlhis police officer was in the secondary school which my son and the other child will be attending in September and 'mentioned' it to them. I just suggested how this works, whether there is a record, what records police hold of things which are investigated but found to be false etc etc especially when it comes to children. I'd be grateful for any info. Thanks so much.

If police are involved its deemed serious. They are not inclined to get involved over a comment unless it was very serious.

Police affiliated to schools are generally there to give talks on drugs and they like.
They're not actively policing the school.
Yes records are kept.

The officer shouldn't have passed on that information and i'd be talking to them about that.

Any police incidents in primary are passed to school where I work, as are all records from social services. This is Ireland though.

There is no doubt that if the police have been involved that the primary school record will have details of what has happened because the school will, as you know, have been involved with what actions were taken.
You son's school file will be passed onto the secondary school and they will undoubtedly be concerned to make sure that nothing else happens. I am afraid that this is an inevitable consequence of what has happened and so it is vital that your son understands this. Any re-occurrence in secondary school or even any similar stupidity involving social media is likely to have severe consequences.

What was the subject contact of what was said?

I mean how bad was it?

Bobby set up a group. My child changed name of group a couple of days later to 'Gay boys' (he was part of the group, about 10 of them). Bobby wrote: Yes, I'm a homosexual don't you know. Time passed. Charlie left the group. Harry wrote: why did he leave the group? My child wrote: He gay (sic). No further comments from anyone. Another parent screenshot my child's comment and sent to Charlie's parents. They got school involved. School tore strip off Ds (rightly so), Head and Deputy Head, and immediately moved him to another bubble in school (serious) on Thur morning. Parents did not feel it was enough so they got police involved on Friday. There has been no trouble between Charlie and my son at all this year. They are in a big group of friends and get on well. School were very quick to say this to us yesterday and were clearly upset parent had involved police. School also had to answer questions from police.

Back story...last year these parents got upset with my son as he intervened a couple of times in Charlie hurting another child. This involved telling the teacher about one serious incident in May and I received a lot of angry messages that my son should stay out of it. It stopped but started up again before end of term and my ds and Charlie got into a fight on last day of school last summer 2019. Teacher and midday staff dealt with that, spoke to other children there and found out what happened. Both told off for fighting but last day of school so not as thoroughly dealt with or investigated as usual (wish it had been). Parent got in touch with me directly and sent several very aggressive texts to me alleging my son had beaten her son up. I was shocked. School had not even phoned about the fight but a lot of other kids were there so I went to speak to several and they basically said the same thing as each other. Ds got angry with Charlie after he pushed the other child over again and they got into a fight. Not condoning Ds behaviour but...Ds was not picking a fight and neither did he beat him up. It was lunchtime in primary school! To complicate matters, Mum works in the school so my friend who is a senior teacher at school advised me to contact the Head as the mum's texts were aggressive and unreasonable and not in response to anything I'd written (I did not engage). I let Head know in an email and he responded in September that he had dealt with it. I'm sure she was not happy about my email, but we've avoided each other and tried not to let it affect the boys' friendship as when they went back to school in September it was all fine between them. Charlie came to my son's birthday as I felt I couldn't leave him out and he's actually quite a nice kid. And all has been great until now.

The fact the other parent screenshot my son's post and sent it on makes me think that Charlie's Mum had asked people to look out for anything untoward in my son's relationship with hers and this is the best they could do. Bobby (who also made a comment on the chat) had his name changed to Turkish on the screenshot to protect him (he is not Turkish but a couple of other kids in class are 🙄). Not saying Ds is beyond reproach but it was definitely being silly, immature, exploring sexual stuff, boundaries on homophobia etc rather than bullying Charlie. (As an isolated incident, Charlie had left the group, there was no reaction from other kids eg. Haha faces or gossip).

As far as I can gather, the police had to follow up the complaint but were satisfied there was nothing in it. The officer was very nice to me, but it's more that she mentioned it to the Secondary and I don't know what records there will be or how it will affect Ds transition into secondary. I'm not sure how to best manage it so he's not on the backfoot, or whether that's too late.

Sorry for the long post. It all starts coming out once you start!

If the Police felt no action was justified and the incident had already been dealt with by the school, then they shouldn't be passing this on.

My understanding is the police shouldn't gave passed this information on if felt no action justified. If primary do that's different.

I would ask secondary to ensue they are in seperate classes. I wouldn't allow them to be friends on any social media and I'd be very clear to son that not acceptable, on a fine line and any issues he has regarding this he needs to talk to school immediately so no misunderstanding

Thank you. Yes, I don't know why police phoned us as well as school. Police officer gave me her number so I will call next week as well. No, they won't be on the same class. However, not sure I can keep them apart with same group of friends. Ds not allowed on WhatsApp groups and will not be for a long time till he gets a lot more mature. Mind you, judging by my 14yo WhatsApp groups I'm not sure when that happens! If I wanted to get my oldest ds friends in trouble it wouldn't be very hard.

Mind you, judging by my 14yo WhatsApp groups I'm not sure when that happens

Social media is not for children.

If I wanted to get my oldest ds friends in trouble it wouldn't be very hard.

Maybe you should. If more parents got involved in what their children do on WhatsApp etc then you would not be having the situation with your 11 year old that you are dealing with now.

How do you know what the police officer told the secondary?
The primary will have passed on the whole story to the secondary anyway.
Also - WhatsApp is for 16 and over.

I'd get him off WhatsApp sharpish

I'd find some other way of keeping in contact that doesn't involve social media with this Charlie

I'd tell him that although you understand why he did what he did (as in the fighting). Sadly now has come the time that you've got to intervene.

Good old letter writing might work?

I don't feel the police should of spoken to the achool about it. Especially as they didn't take it any further. I would write to the police department and ask them why they did that. Always make a paper trail

I know he's missing his friends. But I'd really take him off any social media

Don't interact with the mum. Stand your ground if she contacts you too

I think you've done everything right.

I'd get him off WhatsApp sharpish

I'd find some other way of keeping in contact that doesn't involve social media with this Charlie

I'd tell him that although you understand why he did what he did (as in the fighting). Sadly now has come the time that you've got to intervene.

Good old letter writing might work?

I don't feel the police should of spoken to the achool about it. Especially as they didn't take it any further. I would write to the police department and ask them why they did that. Always make a paper trail

I know he's missing his friends. But I'd really take him off any social media

Don't interact with the mum. Stand your ground if she contacts you too

I think you've done everything right.

Cuckoo, I don't know what the police told the secondary. I just know theyb told them about 'the situation'. I know WhatsApp is for 16 and over. I don't actually know anyone with children aged 11 to 16 without WhatsApp. If you have older children who were not teens in the past 5 years, it's already changed. If you have younger children, you'll get there! (And I don't envy you as it gets harder every year). Some of the stricter parents do not allow their children on WhatsApp groups, which will be me from now on, but I don't know any kids without it.

I don't think WhatsApp itself is the issue. I have 3 DDs (14, 12, 11) and they all have WhatsApp, but I have very strict rules on what they are allowed to use it for and they know I can (and will) take their phones at any point and read their WhatsApps.

If I get even a sniff of something going on, I immediately ask for their phones and read their messages.

Your DS will be ok, but this is a great time to have that strong chat about the power of words.

I agree it’s hard to keep your young teen off WhatsApp (not helped by some teachers assuming everyone has it and passing messages via it, rather than using school email) but it is possible. I’ve done it / am doing it. And it does mean that they are well out of these sort of issues. Plain old texts don’t seem to cause as many problems.

A teacher uses WhatsApp to communicate with pupils? Surely that’s really inappropriate?

It sounds a real storm in a teacup OP. It sounds as if you and the school would have dealt with it quite adequately without police involvement.

I would provide the police officer with some background info on this not being the first incident between your son and Charlie so they have a fuller picture. Keep it factual and brief. Shoving, fight, school didn't inform you, mother did, via some vile text messages, you involved the head, he swept it under the carpet.

I would also heads up the secondary school head of year so that they are aware they may need to keep a closer eye on your son and Charlie in case anything arises.

It must have been mortifying for the other mother to have her son in a fight in a school she works in, however there is no justification of the text messages she sent you afterwards. As someone who works in a school she should know that it should be dealt with by school, and never two parents communicating.

I can't tell you that he should come off whatsapp etc as loads of kids use the messaging services, including discord which is 13, but know that you need to be checking it on a very regular basis.

Thanks all. Yes, we've always had a 'we can check the WhatsApp anytime' policy and know all passwords, but in reality we don't do it that often (it would take forever!). I also genuinely think he didn't think what he was saying was that bad, although he's now been put straight on that.

I feel calmer today. It's a bit horrible to think someone is after your kid and has other people 'keeping an eye out' but hopefully in the big pond of Secondary school they will drift apart and there's definitely going to be no groups for a long while. He can use WhatsApp for calls and private messages. He's a popular kid, he'll survive.

@otterlielovely The teacher asked kids to pass on a message about a time / room change via the class WhatsApp, instead of emailing via the school system. So my dd didn’t get the message, and didn’t turn up to the right place at the right time. Hopefully just a one-off.

Hi some advice please. My child had to change schools due to her dad having a accident at work left him paralysed. Since my child has started her primary school she has been none stop bullied of pupils and teacher. She is an emotional child been tested for ptsd she was 4 when her dad had his accident. She is very emotional child. She went on a school trip first time in her life. My child never raised her had to anyone never been in trouble in any off her schools. But apparently my child was supost of hurt a child for nothing according to the school but they never seen what happened. I asked my daughter and she said the girl jumped on her back for nothing landing on my child's neck hurt her so my child retaliated and punched the girl I have expressed she was in the wrong but I went in to school to discuss it and they are not supportive of my child been fighting this fight for 3years with bulling. Apparently I learned to day when I went to a meeting that the parent phoned the police trying to get my child done for assault. The school have said that they can not get involved and I have to wait for police to contact me keep in mind this happened a week ago and the parents rang the police today. Then the school. If it was a school trip surely the school have to have a envolvment with the issue.

@LISAM2012 you should start a new thread for your child's situation.