Ds has very high aspersions..support/or reality

[duletty]

First child so a bit clueless
Okay GCSE mock grades
Has chosen ‘hard’ alevels
Wants to go to a top London uni that will require A* alevels
He’s a bright kid but not off the scale, never been picked up for being more than above average. He’s a sweet kid who is always very positive NOT arrogant. How do I prepare him for the possibility that his dreams won’t come true at 18?

Err aspirations 🤣 he’s doomed

Why would you not support him? It’s not like he gets one uni choice, he picks one aspirational and an insurance And back up , then depending on his predicted grades from his teachers he will get his offer. If they don’t predict a stars he won’t get any offers from the top unis.

He has it all to play for. Don’t discourage him.

Support him, but also teach him that it's important to have a 'plan B' - whatever that would be for him... there are several ways that ultimately will lead him to hid goal!

You want to prepare him for failure? No. That is bad.

He will apply to multiple universities and courses.

By the time he applies he will have been studying the hard A-levels for months and will have an idea of how he is doing.

Do nothing.

Piss on someone else's chips.

Fully support his plan A but also be very clear that anyone needs a plan b, c, d etc, and ensure that he does actually look at things he would consider for these. He might never need them, but sometimes plan A turns out to be dull, or a crap career path or you find you’re no good at it, and then it’s nice to think you also wanted to do ... b or c or d. Sell it in terms of increasing choice and opportunity rather than a decreasingly attractive ladder of options.

Support. Some kids come into their own at A levels.
Pragmatically universities here also facing falling numbers as fewer overseas students choose UK (COVID/Brexit). Some potential students will also look at fees v online provision and wonder about value for money.

Thank you everyone just no idea, it’s a big bad world out there with hundreds applying for the same thing, he’s been to a small primary/on to secondary and life has always ticked along, I’ve no idea how resilient he is as he has never had any life adversity (as I have and had a good dose of reality by the time I was about 9)

Okay before my supportive, got him his head start books for alevels,and will encourage him to look at other unis thanks

Support support.... but with realism, focused on his action, not innate ability.

'Sounds great! Hundreds will be going for the same few spots, so to achieve that you are going to need to work really hard and get the grades... what support would you like from me?'

Tell him to go for it. Tell him he’ll have to work hard but it’s worth it. Tell him he can do it.
Then do all you can to help him get there.

I'd say support, and if you can, fund tuition. But also, make it clear that if he doesn't hit the moon with his first shot, generally, you can find an alternative pathway.

thank you I needed to hear it’s okay to support even though they may not hit that target
It’s nit that u wanted to bring him down it’s just that feeling of worry

it’s okay to support even though they may not hit that target

Yes - also encourage looking into the alternatives. Every school has its strengths and weaknesses.

Make sure he has a well-rounded profile. Many schools like that kids have worked, done service hours, excelled in a hobby, etc.

Good luck to you both!
(I get the worry...it's very competitive here, too!)

Doesn't he need a plan on how to get there?

I've always thought "why not me?" however great the odds are. So long as he has a Plan B, with realistic as well as aspirational choice of uni, he will be fine. My parents always encouraged me to try for the lowest bar to avoid failure ... but there's nothing lost if you aim higher and fail, and you might just succeed. Good luck!

He gets 5 uni choices on UCAS initially. It's normal to pick 1/2 aspirational choices 2 choices that match your predicted grades (ish) and 1/2 insurance choices.

When the time comes, encourage him to look at a wide range of unis and support him in going to open days (assuming they go ahead next summer). This often causes people to change their minds or consider other options- I'm not saying that he needs to, just that it often happens.

If he's got his heart set on the uni, rather than the course, encourage him to consider maybe less popular courses at the uni. They won't all require A* grades.

Definitely support him to study hard for his A-levels- he may well come into his own when studying things he is really passionate about!

My youngest son aspires to be a doctor, he is very bright. He also realises how hard it is to get into medical school. He has a back up plan of mechanical engineering.
I am encouraging him to work as hard as he can, he will also get a part time job, and do DofE. As parents I think we have to encourage and support as much as possible.

They work the reality out for themselves, they don't need us to give it to them.
Mine has learning difficulties with very low predictions for GCSE, she announced a few days ago she's been chatting with Dept head for English and she's taking Eng Lit A level, she's never shown an interest in reading and has a long list of books she reckons she's going to read.
I have no idea if she'll do it, but like mine yours sounds determined.
support him all you can, in fact act like it's going to happen. Those who reach their dreams don't have a plan B.

He must have some idea of his own ability though, so he will know how hard he has to work and as he is progressing through fun course work he will have an idea of what he is likely to achieve.

I think being supportive comes in many forms. Looking ahead to see what is required is a way to show that you understand what he wants and what he needs. How is he going to get there? Talk it through with him, let him be the one to tell you how he will do it.

Ds1 was set work in early July after attending an induction day at sixth form just after he finished his GCSEs. They were set summer work, nothing huge. Ds completed it immediately and started on some other stuff that would help him out at A level. Most of his mates did the work last second just before they started sixth form. Not even after they got their results but literally 2 days before.

It is the former kind of attitude that can get you ahead and achieving higher grades. This comes down to priorities, would your son commit to putting in extra effort to achieve higher grades? How could he do that? A level teachers are available daily at my son's sixth form to help with any questions on stuff they have covered. Utilise that.

Let him push himself and find out what he can do.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

My eldest child didn’t exactly stand out at school either..but was a good all rounder with a great ability to juggle school work, sport, social scene and a demanding part time job. She decided she wanted to go to a particular top 5 uni...and while I was worried, I held back and simply did what I could to encourage. She ended up exceeding her required grades, and is doing great, with a lucrative graduate traineeship already lined up for when she finishes. If they want it enough, they can make it happen.