What to do with DD?

[AlexStoprunning]

My DD is a pretty normal 6 years old, quite social, has a few friends. She is down to earth and likes school, No special needs etc, you get the picture.

DH is good at Maths. I am not too sure how good he was when he was a child but from conversations with MIL, he was seriously good. He always denied it though.

He taught DD very occasionally, like once a week on average since she started year 1. He said she was summer born so she could do with some help. She is now at the end of year 2 and because he was at home more during the lock down, he started to teach her 3,4 times a week.

DH tried to hide it from her but I saw him printing out year 8 and year 9 work the other day. He also printed out some papers called Primary and Junior Maths Challenge but cut out the title. They sat down and did them together like people would do with crossword. DD has no idea as DH often says she is just average at Maths and needs to practise like everyone else so she can remember stuff. She says she is not bored at school because she just does what is given and never complains.

We had a discussion the other day. DH thinks we should look at a private or grammar school so she can have a better education. She is also quite good at other subjects but Maths is quite ahead.

He doesn’t like the state schools around here. We can’t afford the fee and it is not a grammar area. My question is I am not sure if we should move or not? What do you think?

I wouldn't move just for this. She's six. But nothing to stop you looking into your options. Have you spoken to her math teacher? What do they think? Not sure why he is pushing her in math (he should help her with other subjects too).

Would I move house so my DC could attend a better school? Yes.
Would I do so because a dad is pushing a 6-yr-old to focus on one subject and hence they are moving ahead in that subject? No.
It's easy for a parent to give one-on-one attention and to focus on their own favourite subject. It's not enough on which to base a long-term education decision.

I had another chat with DH. He doesn’t think he is pushing her because she is actually quite good at it. His reasoning is if a kid is good at sport then nobody would say anything if they out playing football for hours on end. Similarly, a gymnast can spend hours everyday training.

They often spend once a week doing 30-40 minutes of Maths. Only during the lock down period that they have been doing more. When I asked what he has been teaching her, he just laughed and said “do you seriously think she actually needed help with Maths?” I also asked him how good he thinks DD is. He said that DD “is alright”. I am not sure what to make of it because he also told me that he was ok at Maths when he was a kid. But MIL insisted that he was really really good. She keeps a few medals from competitions that he won back then. I might need to visit MIL soon to see what they are like.

As long as they are doing it together and she enjoys the activity then fine. If he starts setting her work to do , or as a test, maybe not. It might get tired soon enough or they move on to something else.

My youngest was GCSE work at the age of 10, she had an older sibling. It was suggested perhaps she might benefit from private school but I decided she needed to stay where she was for her personal development. I have talked with my daughter since now she is an adult and she agreed it was the right decision for her. Academic ability isn’t everything.

If the moving house to better location for her education is possible, I would. Sounds like your dh is great at encouraging your dd.

30-40 minutes once a week doesn't sound particularly pushy.

I was also good at maths and spent a lot of my spare time doing maths type puzzles (which is the sort of thing that the Primary and Junior maths challenges include) for fun. So if she's enjoying it, I can't see the problem.

Re the school - it's a bit early to be looking (secondary schools will have change before your DC gets there!) but even my DC's "non-setting" comp sets for maths. If your DD is able, you'll end up in a top set and be challenged every bit as much as she would be at a grammar/private school. Or at least she should be, so you should check out local schools once she's a bit older to see if this is the case.

In lockdown, so many people are struggling to teach their dc. Your dh sounds like he has an aptitude for it. If her English is also progressing well, as you say it is, and she is enjoying doing the maths, I cannot see the problem in his teaching her.

I too taught dd maths. The one problem I had was when she was at school they did not teach to that level, so they had no evidence she was at the level I said, so would not extend her learning. She sat quietly through lessons and only showed her upset at learning nothing once she got home.

Maths underlies so much in science, engineering and many other careers. Now in A levels, dd is glad I taught her and she is strong in maths.

I would move to house get dd a better education, but could also see why for others, in different situations, this may not be feasible or even the best option.

Have you considered scholarships for private schools?

What @TheLashKingOfScotland has said really - she really is very young here! I think the question is should you move to a Grammar area as you’ve said the fees for an Indie are a no go? I would say that there are good State Secondaries out there with a Maths specialism - Claverham near where we used to live in East Sussex for a start - it doesn’t have to be Grammar. And if you are looking at Grammars, her English will also need to be good to get through the test. How is she doing performance wise in her other classes? If she’s excelling purely in one subject and average in the rest then a pressurised and targeted school across the board might not be the right environment.

I am not quite sure how good she is in other subjects since I am pretty relaxed about it. DH works for a really big tech company as a programmer. He works from home a lot so he deals with all the school stuff. All I know is she is in the red table in year 1 whatever that means. She reads a lot. If we let her, she could read about 200 pages a day. She is also into biology and geography. I am surprised that DH hasn’t taught her any programming because it is his thing. She plays sport and can happily run around all day if it is not too cold. We always tell her that she goes to school to make friends so she never complains that work is boring or easy.

We live in Crawley and the secondary schools around here are not known for their academic results or maybe we haven’t been looking hard enough.

Potentially - I’ve just googled the best performing State Schools for Sussex (East and West combined) and you’ve actually got 2 of them (details attached) in the Top Ten ranking. Horsham has two as well and might be worth looking at? It’s certainly far prettier than Crawley (as a rider, my Father is from the Crawley area so I hope you don’t mind me being a bit rude about it!).

Top ten - 2019

And more

You should bear in mind that "best performing" is often synonymous with "has the most able intake". But if you're considering grammar, presumably that might be what you're looking for.

He may not think he's pushing her but his natural interest in the subject will be impacting on how he engages with it and her. It's not a negative. It's just a fact. And, at this age, it will have an obvious and quick impact on how she progresses.
But that doesn't mean it will translate into a lifelong gift or interest, or even one that lasts through primary school.
Talk to your DD's teachers. They will know better than us where your DD sits in her cohort.
As I said earlier, I think it's fine to move so your DD has the best education possible but please don't think you're uprooting your life because your DD is gifted. She might be but she might not and you can't base a house move on an expectation of her educational attainment. You can absolutely base a house move on thinking it's the best choice as parents.

She has so much time to grow and develop and her passions and skills are still developing.
My DD was excelling in Maths in years 1-4. Still top set in 5-8. Move to set 2 in year 9.
Turned out her true passion and skill is musical theatre in year 5 she was even considered more than a nice singer. Now going on to professional training.
Encourage her to have a broad range of interests, reward hard work rather than achievement and love her. The year 1 curriculum is so narrow you have no idea where she will end up.

I'd stop with the going ahead through the curriculum, and go sideways.
The puzzles in the maths challenges, sudoku, logic problems. Yes to programming. Music maybe. Chess.
Basically broadening her horizons, and introducing her to loads of different stuff that is linked to maths, but not teaching her the next few years worth of school maths lessons - because that is going to make the lessons boring!

If you can afford to move somewhere for secondary that has excellent STEM provision, seriously consider it, but dont put yourself under financial strain to do so.

I had another chat with DH and when I questioned him about teaching her too much too quickly, he insisted that he only taught her some extra topics so she could do the puzzles with him. I also had a chance to speak to MIL and she showed me a couple of his medals from years ago. It turned out he won them from an international competition for Informatics. He also won medals for Maths and Physics at national competitions in his own country as well. She also said that he didn’t think he was “very good” at Maths so he moved into programming instead. Never knew he was that good. He says he was “alright” and daughter is “quite good” in comparison. I probably will let him carry on with her since I can’t even comprehend any of these.

Thank you everyone for your advice.