Year 7 not coping at all. Help!

[FluffyAragog]

My DS is really struggling with the work load, complete lack of motivation now and I'm just not sure how to help him.

He sat there for an hour today and typed 3 sentences. It doesn't help that he has autism and ADHD so the change in routine has completely messed him up and he is still finding it really difficult to settle in to "school at home". He spends his days crying and I'm at a complete loss on how to help him. He doesn't want my help but at the same time he doesn't understand half of what he's supposed to be doing.

The school are setting minimum 5 hours of work a day and then some "homework" on top of that. He's done 7 hours today and is still nowhere near finished. But if he doesn't do today's work then he'll fall even further behind!

I have never been massively concerned with his academic progress. It took him years of speech therapy to be able to communicate, months of ELSA to start learning how to play with his peers and so much OT to just be able to throw a ball straight. His emotional well-being is a lot more important to me but now I feel like I'm failing on that as well as the academics!

Anyone in the same boat? Any advice?

5 hours a day plus homework is hopeful - plus "homework??" Wowee. I can relate though as if my son did everything it would be around 5 hours worth.

My son is year 8 and has autism and will do the absolute bare minimum and struggles to self-direct, he'd happily stare at the wall all day so needs a lot of support. We do around 70% of what's been set and that's about 2-3 hours and that's about the limit of what he can do/I can manage around home working.

First of all - don't beat yourself up. I was pulling my hair out until I emailed the teacher and we had a group chat about it and he said my son was one of only 8 participating at all! You may be doing better than you think.

Make sure you know what's been set, all the logins and ink in the printer. Basic stuff that saves getting additionally frustrated when you can't log in or get the worksheet printed out. Start with one or two things that are set in stone each day, and then add in another task a little at a time.

Set a cut off - bin the backlog for now. ignore anything that came in last week. Start this week. That can help things feel less overwhelming.

Year 7 is one of the "fortunate" years in that he's not transitioning between schools and doesn't have exams looming so any impact to his progress might not be as significant as it otherwise might be.

Is there anything he likes to do?

he'd happily stare at the wall all day so needs a lot of support My DS is exactly the same! And it's bloody infuriating, if you've sat there for an hour you might as well have done the work!

I feel like you're right about binning the back log, there's just way too much to catch up on. But then there's things in this week's lessons that build on what they did the week before so it's really tricky!

Apart from school work he is absolutely loving being at home. His ideal scenario, not having to socialise and being with all his "stuff". He won't even go for a walk. He loves video games and football. That's about it. He has been talking on the Xbox to some school friends the last couple of days which I've encouraged.

My son is loving lockdown too... It's only the schoolwork that creates the stress! I love him but jeez keeping him focused is like trying to get a cat to look where you're pointing not look at the tip of your finger... at least you're trying OP. Plenty of people arent.

Also remember the school.holidays aren't going to feel much different for the kids and my son wouldn't have a clue that they're starting. You'll be able to chip away at the backlog then too. Should be six weeks with nothing else being set although they may decide to continue in some form I suppose.

DD in y7 here. She has DLD and severe dyscalculia. We have been very fortunate that she is very very motivated to catch up to her peers and join them in more mainstream lessons. However, I've capped the work at 3h a days and I look a bit OTT to the school. I'm shocked at how much work he has. Have you been in touch with the senco? DD has been motivated by school competitions and things too. Maybe they have some incentives up their sleeves?

I'd pick which subjects are important and bin the others off.
Do English, Maths & Science. Then depending on interest and ability pick from the others. MFLs are cumulative so more important to stick with, whereas History at this point it is more skills than content that are important.

Unfortunately I've had no contact from the school at all. I emailed twice before Easter and then again this afternoon. Hopefully I'll get a reply. I understand how hard they must all be working but it is really frustrating to feel like we're on our own with this. DS hasn't had much feedback from the work he has done and unfortunately the majority of feedback he has had have been very negative. Short comments such as "Why did you hand this in? Not enough work for me to mark" and the like. I completely understand this is an unprecedented situation and teachers have a lot of students work to look at and prepare.

Wow that's a bit shocking. We've had feedback for everything. They've started doing class feedback instead of individual but if you hand in your work you're pretty much guaranteed to be a class star.
Lots of love to you both, that's really quite poor. X

Can you try 3 Lance or oak academy? They've been excellent for filling gaps with DD. We've also got MEL Science and DD spent half the afternoon looking through the VR glasses at atoms. It's pricey but you only need to get the first set to get the starter set and than use it for your own experiments. You get the app forever and they can use the VR headset.
Doodle maths or smartick are great at keeping their attention.
She has ADD so I've made her a colour coded timetable. It doesn't say what time to do it but how long she should do it for. Eg maths 20min smartick, English 30mins read your book and write two lines.
It took me ages but our weeks have been much easier since. Of course our school has been great but we've done a lot on top.
Some days are harder than others, don't beat yourself up. This will be a marathon.

That's all great info, thanks Malmontar.

I’m quite shocked that there has been so little communication! DD’s school certainly don’t have it 100% together but all the teachers are on Outlook so we can communicate directly with them about any problems or queries. We’re also getting emails (to DD directly as well as us) about uncompleted work.

If they are not communicating with you then I think the only thing you can do is make an executive decision, write off the work not done and just focus on the day to day from now on. Remember that most of us are not getting this 100% right and we’ll all have good days when it all gets done and bad when they’ve messed around pretty much all day. And that’s ok! I find structuring the day by the school timetable is helping us a lot and we use Alexa to time lesson end - if the work isn’t done by lesson end, so be it. I agree about looking in advance at what he’s got and printing stuff off all ready. And snacks, plenty of snacks!

Good luck and try not to sweat it too much! They’re Year 7 and hopefully a lot of this stuff will be gone over!

5 hours a day is a lot for kids sitting at a desk alone. I would talk to the school/head of year and tell them that he isn't coping.

"Why did you hand this in? Not enough work for me to mark" Deplorable response from the teacher. If he has additional needs, he should be on the teacher's radar.

Adults are struggling to work from home, so I can't imagine how stressful it must be for children.

To set that much work is ridiculous and no one in their right mind would expect a child to be able to do that much work sat alone at a desk.

Can you ring the school OP? You'll most likely get a more direct response. If the teacher isn't replying can you ask to speak to the head?

Give your boy a big cuddle, it's such a difficult time and it sounds like he's given it his best go but something's got to give and at 11/12 years old, it shouldn't be his mental health.

How lovely to see a post where people are really trying to help each other out. I definitely agree with the idea of dropping down to a few subjects a day rather than trying to achieve everything. He is probably as overwhelmed as you are! Clear timetables are great too, with reward breaks - eg. 9-10*English, followed by 10-11 video games. But if the English is not done to a vaguely decent standard (according to his ability) then the video game time gets eaten in to. One thing that would be important with this strategy is that at 11, you move onto the next subject, even if the English is still not done. But then the next day, he might just remember that he lost his 10-11 reward time for not doing it, so he might try a tiny bit harder. I only say might!

Have you tried ringing the school? You could request a call from a teacher he respects to encourage him. This might not work in all schools though. It seems really strange that they have provided so much work but aren't engaging with emails.

Good luck tomorrow.

I would definitely agree if it's not done by X time move onto next subject. At first DD didn't do much but than knowing she will move on gave her the freedom to actually try in the allocated time. Bear in mind this may sometimes look like 2 lines, and that's ok! Even just reading and writing some bullet points.
Also, we've been using the younger years of oak academy eg year 3 English, year 4 maths- whatever topic has been more interesting or I thought DD needs a bit of a push in. They are in nice and fun and often not longer than 20mins. I found the y7 ones far too long, even the y6 ones are quite high standard.

Can you speak to the Head of Pastoral rather than tutor? They're more likely to be able to help quickly. Worth a phone call. Most schools have someone in the office who can help.

Thanks again for all the really helpful replies. Yesterday was a better day, I put in to place his actual school timetable, so each period was an hour with his break time and lunch in between. That worked quite well.

I have tried calling the school but the answer phone directs you to send an email. I still haven't had a response to my email but I'm wondering if they're perhaps forwarding it to the senco or next most appropriate person. Will give it until tomorrow and then try to call again or as a last resort use Google classroom to ask his tutor to contact me.

The school have said that they expect students to continue learning independently. I'm not sure how many year 7's are capable of that for hours a day, every day, but I know DS definitely isn't. I'm also trying to help DD who is in year 2 with her learning so it's difficult. But her school have been absolutely amazing, so much work and activities provided but with no expectation that they do it all. They want to provide it so the children can pick what they want to learn about and are actively encouraging parents to follow their lead and have said ultimately they can catch them up with their education but can't fix their mental health so focus on that.

What a nightmare this all is, for the kids, for us and for the teachers!

I can't believe the school hasn't been in touch. Before he does anything else, I would get in touch with his form teacher, the senco and possibly even the head. The expectations are unrealistic and potentially harmful to his mental health. Sounds like he is completely overwhelmed. For the future, I would strip school work right back and make sure he has time to rest, relax and exercise.

Sorry, just seen you had been trying to call the school. We've had fortnightly calls from my son's form teacher checking in that we are all okay and coping. Very supportive and helpful. Subject teachers have been at the end of an email and quick to respond. The senco has been nowhere to be seen, but the form teacher has been great at reminding/ informing teachers setting work who may not know my son that he has some SEN. We were feeling very overwhelmed too, but now the school are aware and so supportive, a weight has lifted! Reassuringly the form teacher said that even at A-level, pupils were still not truly independent learners and they recognise the challenge/ impossibility of even the highest performing kids doing the work set on their own.

He may not want your help but clearly he needs it - to structure his day and keep him on task if nothing else.

Perhaps one approach would be to concentrate only on a few core subjects (plus any he happens to really enjoy)? Forget doing everything, just try and get him to do a few pieces of work of a good standard (for him) each week.

Sticking to the school timetable is a good approach. That's what my Y7 does to help him feel in control and on track.

I've got a year 8 ASD DS who after the initial shock of the change is loving being at home - he told me yesterday that he hopes to live to 158 as living is magnificient.

Schoolwork I'm having to do it all with him and make adjustments. We aren't being given anything like 5 hours plus homework and that's likely to be more than they would have in school so would definitely cut back. We do about 2 hours a day of working but in bursts of around 10-30 minutes 90% of which are 1 to 1.

He won't log-on to school system so I log-on and can see he work. I then go through it all. I've cut it back to subjects he will take to GCSE (Mathsx3, Englishx2, History, Geography, Sciencex3, French) and for other things we do some baking, do the music songs school send through - had to rope cat into listening to them with him as he wouldn't listen alone so now we fetch the cat and they listen together, we also have 5 pets (3 silkie chickens, 1 indoor rabbit, 1 musical cat) who he helps look after and I got him some art things.

I try to do 3 subjects a day - generally I read to him and he answers, I type and explain anything. I never ask if he understands as he never admits to not knowing anything so I'll say I don't understand or I'll explain to the cat and he will listen. He won't listen to videos so I listen to them and tell him key points. Sometimes different methods help - he loves a quiz and will do seneca on his own.