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Secondary education

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Original poster

Unhappy in Grammar School Year 7

10 replies

TimeWastingButFun · 16/03/2020 21:50

Despite having the choice of which school to go to, and really taking a shine to one of the grammar schools nearby and being successful to get a place, he is now 6 months in and desperately unhappy. We tried to help him settle in and had many meetings with the school but he's still unhappy. We looked around a non-grammar today which he loves and which my nephew goes to and also absolutely loves. Just filled out the forms. Before I drop them in, is there anyone here in a similar situation? What did you do? We left it a while (he first asked to move 3 weeks in) as we didn't want him to make a rash move but the new school is much smaller, closer, and seems to suit him. Anyone been through this? Advice much appreciated!

OP posts:
Twistsandturns · 16/03/2020 22:01

Why wouldn’t you? My son was unhappy in primary and we moved him and he thrived and is very happy (even if he still complains every morning). We didn’t have the grammar/non-grammar issue but grammar school isn’t the be all and end all and if you and he are motivated he will do well at a normal state school too.

Mner2000 · 16/03/2020 22:06

We moved our son from an overly zealous primary school to a friendlier warmer primary school. At the first place, they thought he had SEN; he didn't have SEN but he did then develop anxiety issues at 8. Now he has moved, all discussions around SEN have gone and he is getting on brilliantly. The change in him is unbelievable in only a couple of months.

It took us a long time to step back and properly assess the situation - he was at one of the most popular schools in the area. We knew something wasn't right but we stupidly trusted the school and buried our misgivings for too long. Trust him and trust your instincts.

Twistsandturns · 16/03/2020 22:11

I also thought DS has SEN at the first place, it was an awful time for all of us. They even did a school assessment and said he was fine but we were constantly being called in to discuss his behaviour. Not had any issues at all at new school. His teacher was full of praise at the most recent parents evening! Amazing what a difference the school ethos and culture makes.

Mner2000 · 16/03/2020 22:16

Twists that is pretty much exactly the same as us except we stupidly paid for a private assessment to speed things up (showed nothing). Anyone internal to school (or hoodwinked by the HT) said there was a problem, anyone external said he was fine.

New parents evening last month and they were full of praise too. A couple of issues here and there but nothing to worry about they said. Grin

Darbs76 · 16/03/2020 22:33

My old childminders son was in same situation, she couldn’t get him in the local comp so he stayed and was desperately unhappy. She’s not going down the grammar route with her younger children

HPFA · 17/03/2020 16:29

Any child will do better at a school where they're happy and if your nephew loves it that's a good sign too. Six months is long enough to "give it a chance."

Punxsutawney · 17/03/2020 17:47

I would not hesitate to move him. Ds is in year 11 at an all boys state grammar and the last 5 years have been truly awful. We nearly moved him in year 8. I so wish we had.

He actually had a diagnosis of autism in September last year and it's been one long fight to get him a very small amount of support. Pastoral care is pretty much non existent.

We are hoping that he will move to the local secondary modern for sixth form. It's the school his brother went to and we were really impressed when he went there.

I would definitely go ahead with the move. A happy child is so much more important than anything else.

underneaththeash · 17/03/2020 22:41

Yes, move him. DS1 still isn’t massively happy at his grammar in year 9. Personally I would have preferred to leave him at his prep and transferred to an independent at year 9, but we left it too late.

I prefer the wider curriculum, smaller classes and acccesibility if independent education,

portico · 18/03/2020 04:11

Hi TimeWastingButFun
Give it some more reflection. My DS is Y12. He struggled in Y7, and in Jan of Y7 he was ranked 128/128. He was in constant trouble in school, just for not doing homework properly, distracted in class and mediocre test grades. He was put on report, and he wanted to leave. Plus he was taking two trains in the am to get to school, and two trains back at home time - the perfect storm. He was demoralised and pissed off. But he was also disorganised, and when at home retreated to his PS4 till head of year notified us of the grave situation son was in. Head of Year was too rigid, so wasn’t the the easiest situation to navigate. Son persevered with a lot of coaxing(and my shouting), I supported him, worked with him and the school. He got through it by June of Y7. Still had hiccups in Y8, 9, 10, 11, and yes now in Y12. But, he is glad to have stayed, and so am I. I suggest you give it more time, and stick it out to end of year. With schools in lockdown imminently, might be good time to reflect and have a reset.

Queenscake · 24/03/2020 05:22

Do you know why he is unhappy? Because of one particular teacher, student? Or too much homework, stress?

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