School says my son must cut his hair or be excluded

[alexis52]

I have 2 children 1boy aged11 1 girl aged 14. They both go to that same school but recently they have a new head master who changed some of the uniform policy's. to begin with they were good changes like skirts can't be shorter than the knee and ties had to come down to the stomach but then he changed the hair policies. This did not effect my daughter because she fell into all the categories but it did effect my son. His hair is about an inch or so past his shoulder, the head said that boys hair must not come over The colour and I got an email telling me to cut his hair. I have refused to cut his hair and long hair doesn't effect his work because he ties it up for certain classes like PE and cookery and doesn't play with it. The school have now threatened that if I don't cut his hair soon he will be excluded .

[Oliversmumsarmy]

How would tying back his hair help?

The school want it cut

Definitely discrimination
Can’t believe the number of people on here who think you must obey every rule and regulation without question

As for dressing professional in schools.
This is just another thing to funnel children into office jobs.

Both Dd and Ds do jobs where dressing like you are going to work in an office would be completely inappropriate

This is just a new headmaster throwing his weight around.

[Useryokyesno]

Sorry no its not acceptable to have a rule for boys hair length and a different one for girls.

[Comefromaway]

I've met lots aof profesionnal men in office/law/finance etc etc who have long hair. Always neat and tidy and usually tied back.

[BlueRaincoat1]

I think it's really wrong that there are different policies for boys and girls about this It can't be a health and safety matter if girls can wear their hair long and down.
Schools appear to be falling over themselves to support children who are confused about their gender identity. This kind of crap totally feeds into why children can end up thinking they are the 'wrong' gender - If only girls have long hair, and he likes long hair - well it leads to a conclusion doesn't it.

It is a sexist and out dated policy and I can totally see why you would want to make a stand. But then I support a pretty flexible approach to uniforms generally, I don't understand why some schools seem to take such pleasure in obliterating any ounce of individual expression in their students.

[IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere]

I'm usually of the side of the school, especially where hair is concerned but, as the mother of son who had long hair down to his waist it seems ridiculous that girls and boys must have different styles.

My son stopped cutting his hair at the age of 11 so by the end of year 8 it was down to his shoulders. He was very particular about his appearance so his hair was always clean and as soon as possible it was tied back.

He frequently represented the school in community events and never received any negative comments.

[titchy]

OP keeps saying he can't tie his own hair back and she doesn't have time to do in the morning () which implies if it was tied back it would be fine.

[pointythings]

oliversmumsarmy you are so right. There are so many bloody sheep on this thread bleating 'but it's the ruuuuuules!'. If a rule is discriminatory, it should be challenged. If a rule serves no purpose (i,e, improving learning) it should be challenged.

I am a self confessed hater of uniform. I grew up in a country that has none, a country which is still managing to turn out well educated young people. So I don't understand the fetishisation of uniform in the UK.

That said, I have always adhered to uniform when my DDs had to wear it - but our school had sensible and non-discriminatory rules. That's a hill worth dying on.

[FixTheBone]

I agree with the people saying it is wrong and discriminatory, and also with the people who say it is a life lesson and to abide by the rules.

The adult and way, and the way with the most valuable life lessons is to get him to cut his hair, campaign to get the rules changed, and then to grow it again.

The other options are:
A) get excluded.
B) buy one of those weird neck stretcher things off Amazon.

[RedskyAtnight]

How would tying back his hair help?

The school want it cut

But they may be saying "get it cut" in response to the fact he's not tying it back.
As others have noted on this thread, teachers do actually have better things to do than monitor children's hair/uniform. And yet OP has had an email about this. If her DS's hair was always tied back when it should be and he wasn't (e.g.) contstantly playing with it, it seems very OTT to pursue this route.

[Ionacat]

I’m a bit confused.

Is the rule that long hair that reaches the shoulder must be tied back for both girls and boys? If so that’s fine and if your son wants his hair long then it will just have to be tied back everyday or you’ll have to have it cut. Fine as long as it applies to all pupils, he can have long hair just keep it tied back.

If the rule is that boys hair must not come past the shoulder then that is unfair and discriminatory. I would be putting a polite email to the head reminding them that the rule should apply equally to boys and girls.

[tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz]

I do believe this is a hill worth dying on.

First, it's clearly sex discrimination.

Second I think it's important our kids see us challenging this in a civil manner so when they inevitably encounter shit loads more of it as they get older, they know how to model it themselves.

Also, it shows we've got their back. And for our sons it shows we will challenge this for them and not just our daughters.

Otherwise - do what GiantShark suggests and watch them bend over backwards to accommodate

[Carpathian2]

Oh god, another idiotic manager headteacher who thinks dressing all the kids up like extras from Tom Brown's Schooldays will make all the discipline issues disappear in a puff of smoke.

That's one of the best summaries of stupid school rules I've ever read. Spot on!

[Hotchox]

Are there no Sikhs at the school? I'd be tempted to find out what the rule would be for them, and if they're exempt, claim your son is converting... (that's if you want to be awkward about it - the alternative is to just cut it)

[alexis52]

For the people who are saying that he must tie his hair up, he already dose but that's not even the rules tho my daughter doesn't have to put her hair up I just get her to. The only time she needs her hair tied back is when she dose PE and DT etc

[yesteaandawineplease]

What @JollyAndBright says

This would be a hill to die on for me.

It’s sex based discrimination.

Unless he’s going to make all the girls have their hair cut above their shoulders he can’t demand the boys have to either.

To me it’s the same as saying girls have to wear skirts and are not allowed to wear trousers, it’s completely wrong.

[JudyCoolibar]

The adult and way, and the way with the most valuable life lessons is to get him to cut his hair, campaign to get the rules changed, and then to grow it again.

No, it isn't. The flaw in that argument is that the rule itself is unlawful. Therefore it is neither adult nor responsible to behave as if it were.

[FrankieManca]

anyone who has taught in a school on a mufti day knows how much behaviour changes when children are allowed to wear their own clothes. If you are wearing tracksuit bottoms, a hoody and trainers, you feel and act differently to if you are wearing trousers and a shirt and tie

Have you taught in a school with no uniform at all, and observed the behaviour of children who do not view 'Mufti' as special and an opportunity to break free of the endless uniform rules? Kids who just get on with making ordinary choices about what to wear as it is just that, ordinary, and not a special 'mufti' day?

My kids went to a uniform-free school and behaviour and community feeling was strong.

Sought after schools such as Camden Girls have no uniform. Most American and Dutch state schools have no uniform. French schools do not enforce uniform.

How do these schools and countries cope

And yes, it is sex discrimination, and we can't expect to make headway against sex discrimination against women and girls if we yell 'snowflake' every time a boy wants to be able to have his hair long.

[FrankieManca]

It's a good lesson to learn that sometimes you just have to conform to rules that you don't agree with.

I am so grateful the Suffagettes didn't take this position. Or the campaigners who got equal marriage made law. This may be a small matter of sex discrimination, but it is sex discrimination nevertheless and schools need to change their sexist mindsets!

[Bluntness100]

I also think the school is on really dodgey ground here. They can’t dictate boys must cut it but girls don’t need to. It is indeed discrimination.

I’d email the head and say this is sex discrimination. That boys and girls need to be treated equally. I’d then complain to the board of governors or the local authority.

However it’s up to you how much appetite you’ve got for this fight

[FrankieManca]

Yes, I would write a very polite letter - you understand the need for good appearance, tied back etc, but as you were under the impression that the school needed to ensure that rules are not discriminatory and that girls are allowed to have longer hair, can they point to the justification for different rules for boys in terms of hair length.
Tell them that you will work with your DS to ensure that he can tie it back or up neatly so as to comply with the same rules as for girls in science and sport etc, but that you view the demand for girls and boys to have different lengths as a sex discrimination matter.

[tillytoodles1]

My husband used to work at a very posh hotel were none of the male staff were allowed to have facial hair, he had to be clean shaven every day and wear a suit, shirt and tie every though he never saw the hotel residents as he was cellar manager. Whether your sonlikes it or not, he will find that when he leaves school long hair might not be allowed, so he will have to get used to the rules even when he doesn't agree with them.

[FrankieManca]

none of the male staff were allowed to have facial hair, he had to be clean shaven every day

I daresay exactly the same rule applied to women though, so no discrimination.

When he is a grown up, he can choose what job he goes for. Some kids will go into the army with extreme adherence to uniform - is that a reason to make every school child have a crew cut and march everywhere? Some kids will run cereal cafes and have long hair..they don't all have to be forced to do this to prepare.

[tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz]

But if a policy is discriminatory it can't be a rule.

It's illegal.

[maybelou]

I'm so shocked at the number of people on here who would forcibly cut their children's hair despite them not wanting it cut! That could be really traumatising, I would never do that to my child, particularly when the rule is completely not okay. What about your children's bodily autonomy??

I think you need to dig your heels in with the school OP - they can't have one hair rule for boys and one for girls. And everyone who says that one day he'll have a corporate job and have to have his hair a certain way - all the more reason to let him express himself now while he can!!

[radox11]

@frankiemanca no, I've only taught in schools that have uniforms, so cannot comment on schools where pupils wear their own clothes. I can only add my own experiences to the discussion- in my experience behaviour is completely different on a mufti day... not in a positive way!

I have no idea whether schools without uniform still have certain rules for clothing, ie no hoodies? Or can pupils at say, Camden Girls, wear whatever they want? Pyjamas? Onesies? Short skirts?

There are many reasons why uniform is a good thing- makes all pupils equal, creates a sense of identity, makes children easier to identify on school trips, no dramas choosing what to wear in the mornings, no blurry lines over appropriate clothing (particular in secondary schools, ie low cut tops, inappropriate slogans), 'best clothes' do not get ruined.

I'm sure there are positives to no-uniform too, I just haven't works in a setting where I could have observed these...