School says my son must cut his hair or be excluded

[alexis52]

I have 2 children 1boy aged11 1 girl aged 14. They both go to that same school but recently they have a new head master who changed some of the uniform policy's. to begin with they were good changes like skirts can't be shorter than the knee and ties had to come down to the stomach but then he changed the hair policies. This did not effect my daughter because she fell into all the categories but it did effect my son. His hair is about an inch or so past his shoulder, the head said that boys hair must not come over The colour and I got an email telling me to cut his hair. I have refused to cut his hair and long hair doesn't effect his work because he ties it up for certain classes like PE and cookery and doesn't play with it. The school have now threatened that if I don't cut his hair soon he will be excluded .

Surely it only takes seconds to pull it up in a morning? I would get in the habit of making both of them go to school with hair tied up and make it clear to the school that while he is keeping it off the collar in school he won’t be getting it cut unless he wants to

The girls hair can be as long as they like so my daughter has her hair half way down her back

It is unquestionably sexist. I understand why you don't want to enforce such a silly rule.

Unfortunately school uniform is exempt from the EA sex deiscrimination restrictions, I don't think you would get anywhere with this (IANAL, I have read a couple of prior judgments). Would you even want a legal battle?

That gives you two choices:
a) Find another school.
b) Cut his hair.

It's great to teach your son to challenge unfairness, but in this case the best lesson is to lose well and move on.

Long hair on either sex can be smart as long as it's kept clean and tied back. I agree with uniforms to a point but not when they start dictating hair length etc. Especially when those rules are based on sex. Why can't boys have long hair? What's wrong with it? They can have long hair and be smart. Just like girls do. There would be an uproar of girls were told they couldn't wear their hair short.

@SarahTancredi yes agree with you, it is sexist. But it just depends if op feels that strongly to fight against that rule? Me personally, I wouldnt. I'd want to focus on his education, a few weeks suspension can easily push a student behind in his studies. I know this because I worked in a secondary school.

This utter ridiculousness is exactly the sort of reason why my children won't be going to school. NO, there is no reason to teach children to mindlessly follow rules which are batshit crazy (and sex discriminatory). School is for learning and hair does not affect learning provided it is tied back when relevant. Don't cave in, OP! (Unless your son just wants to cut it anyway, of course).

Just cut his hair already.

"I do send him and my daughter to school with there hair up most days but sometimes we don't have enough time"

Ignoring the irony of the spelling mistake in a post about education, are you seriously saying that at 11 and 14 they can't manage to sort out their own hair in the morning? How long does it take to brush your hair and put a hairband on??! My rule was that they could have long hair as long as they looked after it and managed it themselves and they are responsible for giving instructions to the barber on what they want. Both have now opted for short hair for an easy life!

I agree that the school shouldn't discriminate, but you would need to ensure that BOTH children comply with the letter of the rules to make a complaint valid.

To all those people saying to cut my sons hair I've already asked him if he wants a haircut and he says no I like my hair long, so I let him as long as he keeps it tidy and let's me tie it up for school

And my daughter can do her own hair. I have to do my sons because he has dyspraxia and dyslexia so he finds it hard doing things like putting his hair in a ponytail

let's me tie it up for school

I despair. There are so many stories on here about men who can't do the simplest tasks for themselves. It's not rocket science to see why that is...

Oh I would so play the school at their own game, if ds was onboard. So rags to put it in ringlets that don't hit the collar one day, gelled into a teddy boy DA the next.

Maybe a wig one day.

Does your son want to grow his hair long? If so suggest he starts growing it to donate to charity.

It's difficult to defend a sexist, probably illegal, rule, it's virtually impossible if there is a good cause in it too.

At 11 though he really does need to learn to care for his own hair so it’s a good time to teach him how to start doing it himself but the point still stands you give him (and your daughter) the simple choice you tie it up fully every day for school or you have it cut to under shoulder length

There should be one rule for both sexes. This rule is unfair.

However, with regards to the 'wasting time worrying about uniform' comments- anyone who has taught in a school on a mufti day knows how much behaviour changes when children are allowed to wear their own clothes. If you are wearing tracksuit bottoms, a hoody and trainers, you feel and act differently to if you are wearing trousers and a shirt and tie (this applies to adults too!)

Hair needs to be tied up for hygiene reasons... HEAD LICE particularly and also just to keep it out of the way when children are bent down writing in lessons.

Behaviour is massively affected by uniform. I say this with 16 years teaching experience. It also removes the social anxiety/ peer pressure for many pupils who would not have fashionable clothes to wear.

Aside from this, teachers or heads do not walk around looking for things to worry about rather than 'fostering a love of learning'! They have plenty to keep them busy and I'm sure would just like parental support when it comes to enforcing reasonable uniform rules!

It's a silly rule and the hair rules, if schools have them, should be the same for everyone (eg long hair must be tied up for practical subjects).

However, it's not a hill I'd be willing to die on. Why have an exclusion on his record for the sake of an inch or two of hair. I'd be making a point of complaining about their discriminatory policies first though.

It's not a reasonable uniform rule, though. It's enforcing arbitrary notions of what makes a boy smartly-dressed and what makes a girl smartly-dressed, which is nonsense.

@tribivantes that's what I started my post by saying and wrote reasonable in bold for that reason!

One of the reasons I am so pleased to be out of the state school system..and it’s mostly the attitudes of parents that are the problem, not the school!
FWIW...my husband would be out of a job if he didn’t comply with the requirement to be conventionally smart. That includes keeping his hair cut and shaving as appropriate. Try pushing those boundaries at school by all means..but see where it gets them thereafter.

Tell him to inform the school that he now identifies as a female or even better non binary and ask to see their equlity policy.

radox - sorry, I should read more carefully!

Regardless of whether or not there are judgements excluding school uniform from EA legislation, it’s still a perfectly reasonable thing for the op to challenge the head on.

I would also like to ask him on what scientific basis he is basing his decision on - I assume there is evidence that having hair over the collar disadvantages boys learning in a way that doesn’t disadvantage girls learning? In which case what is that mechanism and what happens when a child decides to change sex - at what point does the change happen - is it gradual or a flick of a switch? (Not that I agree that dc can change sex but given all the hoohah around it, might as well use to your advantage!).

I would also point out that, as others have said, in this day and age, it is incredibly ignorant, sexist and discriminatory to suggest that hair length has anything to do with being professional or a person’s ability to do their job. For good measure I’d point out that it means he as a head teacher is failing if he is unable to teach boys with hair that is longer than collar length, given that the boy in question is complying with all school rules about having their hair tied up for pe and science etc.

I would talk to the head about it and then if he failed to budge if you have legal insurance on your house insurance etc I would ask them to write a letter pointing out the facts about it being discriminatory and illegal to see if that helps.

I get the problems your ds has - ds is 11 and also has dyspraxia etc and struggles with hair brushing. The one thing that has made a difference is I bought him a little brush by a company called Wet Brush - very thin flexible metal ‘bristles’ that get through tangly hair but don’t hurt or pull (was £4 from tk maxx or a tenner on amazon) - I’ve also always had a small cheap brush from Home Bargains or Poundland or similar in the car door, one do each dc (and of add a load of cheap band each too) so if hair gets forgotten I’d can be done easily on the way to school. One less thing to stress about!

FWIW...my husband would be out of a job if he didn’t comply with the requirement to be conventionally smart. That includes keeping his hair cut and shaving as appropriate. Try pushing those boundaries at school by all means..but see where it gets them thereafter.
True, but there has to be balance and a sensible approach in schools.
I couldn't care less if schools have a uniform or a dress code as long as they are consistently enforced.

If schools have a uniform then the "in work they have to look smart and this is what smart looks like" is a bit of a daft argument as workplaces vary. It's much better to say "these are our expectations in this organisation and in life many organisations have expectations you may like/dislike but sometimes you've got to suck it up". However, alongside that schools need to be reasonable and also consider the context of their schools so "long hair tied up for practical subjects" is reasonable for boys and girls, and in some contexts I can even see why very prescriptive uniforms are introduced because some parents think that "no trainers" means "please buy £80 trainers and then complain when we say it's not uniform", but long hair being fine for girls and not for boys is ridiculous.

What a ridiculous rule!! How is that even fair? I would absolutely challange it OP.

it’s a good time to teach him how to start doing it himself but the point still stands you give him (and your daughter) the simple choice you tie it up fully every day
I said that my daughter can do her own hair she puts her hair up when ever I ask her to.
And I am trying to teach my son how to tie his own hair but he has dyspraxia which makes it a slow process

If he can't do his own hair, is that the real issue?

My DC's school hair has a "long hair must be tied back" policy. DD is forever trying to - er- "bend" this rule, but she does know that if a teacher tells her to tie it back properly she does it straight away.

If your DS is given a similar request but can't/won't, then this becomes a health and safety issue and I agree with the school.

It is sex discrimination.

Fighting it is a worthy battle if you are able.