Drugs and ‘party scene’ in indy schools

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I am weighing up some independent school choices at secondary level for my DS and wondering how much of of an issue drugs or a general party scene is in these schools and how much it varies from one school to another? I am hoping not to put my DS into a school where there is a bigger danger than average of him being lead astray and flunking his exams since we are making sacrifices for private education. It obviously isn’t a problem individual schools would readily admit to and I am not planning to discuss individual schools. I just wondered if it is a significant risk factor for DCs in many private schools and if so is it more of a problem in coeds than single sex or no different?

This is a problem at ALL schools.

Most private schools realise that a reputation for drugs will damage their brand and have drug testing plus a zero tolerance policy.

Senior school is a long journey, adolescence is a strange machine and what goes in is not necessarily what comes out. Drugs are not the only distraction teenagers face, there's computer games, sports, drama, sex, music and just social media on it's own takes up huge chunks of a teenagers time.

If school fees are going to be a big sacrifice and you have high expectations of your DS that will put a lot of pressure on him. It may be kindest to keep him in the state system. Why not post a thread about your local state schools and try and find the best option for him?

Ds is at an all boys state grammar. There is a real drug issue there. Far worse than the secondary modern his brother attended. Thirteen pupils were permanently excluded in a fortnight last year for having or using drugs on school property. Ds says that some year 11's still go off into the woods at lunch to smoke weed. There is a termly newsletter and every time it's published the head tells parents 'we do not have a drugs problem at this school'.

Our daughter’s school had no issues with drugs at all, in fact the only people in her wider circle who were known to circulate on that scene, were from two well known grammar schools in the area, and the large local upper. which has a lot more problems besides! One girl joined the school from grammar in year 9, as her parents had hoped to put her back on the straight & narrow, but she was asked to leave very quickly, having boasted about her coke use the night before...

Our daughter’s school had no issues with drugs at all

That's almost certainly not true. Far more likely It has not problem that's publicly talked about.

My DCs both go to indies; DS is at a co-ed, DD at all girls, years 9 and 11 respectively.

From what I can tell, there are groups of students who drink and probably do drugs in both schools; I say probably, because neither of my children do and neither do their friendship groups, but they talk in general terms about other people doing so. We've never seen or heard anything from the schools themselves.

I think it's pretty safe to say that some teenagers, wherever they are, will behave in less than desirable ways. If you think your DS will get in with the wrong crowd at a state school, he'll probably track down a similar crowd wherever he goes. I suppose you can hope that it's a smaller pool in a selective, fee paying school, but there's no guarantee.

The local private school here has a much bigger issue with drugs. Generally I think its because they have access to more money from parents. My teen said there is an issue with cocaine, MDMA and now something called cp2 or c2p. It's apparently like ecstasy and acid mixed together.

There is also most certainely drug use at her school and in her year (16 year olds) but she said the only ones who can really afford it are the ones who have part time jobs.

I’m pretty sure this is present at most schools but that doesn’t mean it will effect all children. If you really want to know look at the parents. Uneducated and uncultured parents with cash to splash are the ones most likely raise druggie teenagers.

To be blunt though if you’re worried you need to look at your own parenting, not where you send your children to school. There were girls taking and selling drugs at the school I went to (very expensive girls school) but I wasn’t involved. In contrast we know a couple who’ve been suffering through their eldest son’s drug addiction (he’s at our local indi) and no one is surprised. They’ve both alcoholics and very limited in many ways. If you supply your child with money but fail to instil common sense or at the very least arrogance then of course they’ll spend money on drugs.

Uneducated and uncultured parents with cash to splash are the ones most likely raise druggie teenagers.

Breathtaking naïveté

I do know that within my daughter’s small year group at the time, there were no issues. We all knew each other, and knew our children. And the one girl that did cause trouble, was asked to leave. It does very much depend on the school, and perhaps the type of pupil it attracts. My niece attended a bigger, less family orientated independent, and I gather they did have children who were on the scene. Thankfully my daughter and her friends, were quite sensible, enjoyed going to parties and were sensible with drink, but had no time for drugs, or the people who used them.

Uneducated & uncultured with cash to splash? Perhaps they are the local drug barons, being able to send their children to private school? I’m not sure I saw many of those types at my daughter’s schools, past or present! And in fact the girl who was asked to leave...had parents who were doctors. So not quite uneducated...but clearly were just out of touch with their child.
Getting to really know your child is key. And I can’t see why having high expectations of your children, should be a bad thing. It’s something my eldest has really come to appreciate.

Dd is in Y10 and other than alcohol she says there’s no drugs doing the rounds. In fact from what she says even the alcohol is confined to a small group and it’s not seen as particularly “cool”
They are much better behaved than I was at that age

Don't think it possible to generalise. Wellington vs a local day school will differ. There will be elements across all secondaries, independent or state.

If you really want to know look at the parents. Uneducated and uncultured parents with cash to splash are the ones most likely raise druggie teenagers

You are living in cloud cuckoo land if you really believe this.

My teen said there is an issue with cocaine, MDMA and now something called cp2 or c2p. It's apparently like ecstasy and acid mixed together.

2CP. It's been around for ages. Very easy to take too much as the doses are tiny. But nothing permanently damaging is likely to happen if you do. You'll just have a very intensely unpleasant time.

If you think other DC present dangers to your DS, then home educate! Or better still ensure he makes his own good decisions to avoid less desirable DCs. Temptation only exists for those who are interested. If you have no interest in excessive drinking or drugs, you won’t be friends with those that do!

I don't think it is just a private school issue.

There are plenty of drugs around at both my local comprehensive (intake includes about 50/50 very middle-class kids/kids from deprived areas) where several friends of mine have children, and the biggest local independent school, which DD used to go to. Alcohol, cannabis, nitrous oxide and various pills are common at both from about year 10, and some of the richer kids have been known to use cocaine (apparently some local dealers accept Apple Pay...).

You can't insulate your child from drugs wherever they go; all you can do is talk to them about it (and not give them access to large amounts of money).

Some DC steal your get the money. Not having money doesn’t stop them stealing to get drugs. The opposite.

DS attended a very well known Public School. Absolute zero tolerance of drugs. Boys did get caught and were expelled and according to my DS they tended to be of a certain set!!! Boys also got expelled for drink. I believe every school will probably have a “set” that are more likely to be involved in drugs/drinking but perhaps at private school there is more access to cash to enable this behaviour.
DD school is a very very rural boarding school and they too have had issues (also expelled) but so has all our local urban comps. Teenagers will push boundaries, you just have to do your best to guide them in directions least harmful to them.

“Indy “. Ffs

If you are in London the party scene and drug taking exists and you cannot shelter your dc from this through school selection.

Doubt there are many schools without.

My naice super-selective boarding grammar had its fair share of everything back in my day... and I would bet that all the parents of the girls in my year would swear blind that their daughters weren’t drinking, smoking, dabbling in illicit substances or sleeping with their boyfriends... and they would be mostly wrong!

Social media has probably helped with the boredom that led most of us to sin... walking half a mile for a crafty ciggie took up lots of our spare time.

Lack of available funds is probably the best way of ensuring your child doesn’t indulge too heavily, but it will come down to personality and what their peer group are doing.

Any school that says they have no problems on that front is either lying or deluded.

FWIW the ENTIRE cohort from one very well known public school were expelled from my halls of residence in Y1 of university for smoking weed in their rooms - including 3 medics.

There are kids who party too much and to drugs at all schools. You can only cross your fingers and hope that your child isn't friends with that sort of child.

Kids at independent schools often have more cash to buy drugs. The person who said it's about parental education is ridiculous. Private schools can expel students for drug taking while state schools can't expel students so easily.

I thank everything that DS yr11 ended up with a very sporty set of friends. Some drink at parties but not only would they get kicked out of school for drugs, they would be dropped from county & higher level sports teams and that's a deterrent for many.

You can hope your child doesn't become friends with this kind of child......or isn't the one who leads the others astray. Funnily enough, most parents see it as their child being led astray rather than doing the leading.

Op, do you think your child is easily led? Some children, even from an early age jus seem to walk towards trouble. It's good to be aware of the reality of what our DC are like, but even then, they can do things good and bad that totally surprise us.

A key thing is to know what is going on socially and maintain control. I know parents who have very clear rules which aren't popular with their kids but have helped protect them from some of the .opportunities' that might arise. So, not letting their children stay overnight at parties, or only overnight anywhere after talking to the host parent, never when there are mixed groups staying, never if alcohol will be allowed. They always collect their children rather than letting them make their own way home or be brought by others.

You'd be surprised how many parents of teenagers let their children go to parties where they don't know if an adult will be present, if alcohol will be available, who will be there......Lots of parents will let their children stay overnight in locations without knowing these things either. Some of it is naievete on the part if parents, sometimes not wanting to be unpopular with their children, sometimes a bit lazy.

In the end, it's you abs parents who have responsibility and biggest influence over your children. It really won't really be down to the school if a child goes off the rails, but the actions of the child themselves and also the input from parents.

Teenage years can be tricky. Some children are compliant and don't seek to push the boundaries. Most will at some point and it's good to have a clear idea of what you expect and how you're going to play it. In my view, letting kids below 16 go to overnight parties or parties with booze and no adults present just isn't a good idea. Lots will disagree, but it seems a simple way to protect your child. There are lots of ways to have a good time. And parents can sometimes work together to help groups of kids - agreeing together to no parties without adults, no or limited alcohol etc. When parents agree together and stick to it, it can be much easier for both the parents and kids.