Child unhappy

[Applejack87]

Hi my dd is in year 9 in an independant school , she doesn’t have many friends & is very conscious of her looks that the kids seem to pick on . This really upsets her , there was one particular girl last year that was making her life a misery so much so that I had to intervene to the school , the girls were called in together & it was sorted
However my dd isn’t happy & said that the kids call her names and are nasty . Tonight she was in tears sobbing that a girl had taken an unflattering pic of her & sent it to one person who passed it on and eventually put online . My dd tried to phone the girl she didn’t apologise & put the phone down
I just don’t know how to deal with this any more do I take her out of the school ? I don’t see how this can be sorted with so many kids being nasty my dd is by no means an angel , I was bullied at school & tbh it ruined my education , confidence & self esteem

I would definitely be going in about that. No one should post photos of someone without permission and I would hope the school would give them a strict talking to. I HATE all this added shit this generation have to deal with.

My dd had to deal with bullying in year 8 - I know how it feels and you have my sympathies. Luckily it quickly passed and she isn’t friends with those girls anymore but if it had continued I’d have pushed the school (Independent) to take it very seriously.
I would have a meeting with the head of year before you make any drastic decisions, an independent school especially should want to rectify this - they don’t want to lose your custom!

I would move schools if that's possible. kids can be so mean and keeping your dd there is doing her no favours, particularly as she is going into GCSEs either later this year or next year. in regards to the photo, get her to report it (if its on Instagram), and you can fill in this form here to help get it removed (when asked, select privacy and then 'I am being bullied'). all the best to you and her x

Thankyou for your replies & advice , it’s never ending , my dd is upstairs at the moment & has said she doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow . I’ve told her so many times to be careful of photos even if someone says they won’t pass it on .
She’s not happy at the school but the other problem is where can she go ? Quite a number of kids are being horrible I don’t know how the school could deal with it

Thankyou for the link sleepismysuperpower
Sorry I think I’ve posted my thread in the wrong place

School is horrible. A jail for kids basically. And unfortunately,also filled with unsavory sorts.
I'd look into a different school if it's what she wants. But be prepared for the same thing happening again.

I'm confused as to how she was able to phone the girl though. This girl is not her friend, she is a bully. I think the whole 'they school got them together and sorted it' thing is one of those things that implies 'oh it was just a difference in opinion'...no- She was being bullied, by a bully.

I suspect your daughter might be a very kind person who takes things at face value and forgave. But the thing is, these people are not her friends and she needs to have as little as pos to do with them. They should be blocked on her social media and not have her number. She certainly shouldn't be phoning them for an apology. That isn't going to happen because they arent nice people.

Talk to her about respecting herself and knowing that many ppl are not like us, they dont think like us and they dont value social cooperation and kindness. So chasing after them to get them to treat you right, is pointless. And makes you seem an easier target. It's a good lesson to learn before she starts dating.

As another pp says, I would speak to the head of year, or head of pastoral care.

Depending on how that goes, is it worth you calling other schools to see if they might have places in Yr 9, and then maybe going to have a look round? Just the feeling that there is a potential escape route can be a huge help.

Pp is right about not chasing after people to get them to treat you right! But the problem is at school you can't escape from those people, and to be totally isolated is awful - which does mean that dc sometimes don't have much choice but to accept less than perfect friendships if the alternative is not to have any friends at all (well, obviously no friendship is perfect, but ykwim). Not a good situation, sometimes.

I'm pretty sure publishing photos (which putting them online is) without a person's consent is a criminal offence. My ds was involved in a disciplinary issue at school involving putting photos of a teacher on instagram and the school were very clear that they could get the police involved. There are new laws about this sort of thing, it's all connected to the new GDPR rules etc. So make sure the school take this very seriously.

How many other schools do you have locally? I'd ring round all of them today and see which have spaces. If they have a space, you could move her immediately, but I'd want to have a look round and a chat first. This is probably your last chance, as schools don't usually accept kids into year 10 because of the GCSE courses starting. Given the issue is so widespread at her current school, I think you'd be wise to get her out of there and give her a fresh start.

Home education would be your last resort I guess but this will depend on your personal circumstances. However, bear in mind that in lots of areas (certainly where we are) FE colleges will put on an HE specific offering for years 10-11 which could help you with GCSEs. Round here, they offer teaching for four GCSEs (the core ones) and a choice of a couple of BTECS, so they're in colleges for say 2-3 days. Then you can also take any other GCSEs you want to take there (but they would be self-studied for at home).

I'm so sorry for your daughter, what an awful experience for her. I hope you find some resolution.

In my experience, schools take posting of photos very seriously - you may find this helps you escalate things

In the first instance email the head of year and head of pastoral copying in the head teacher.

Explain what has happened.

Ask for a meeting to discuss how the school will deal with this in accordance with their anti bullying policy.

Keep up the pressure. Get everything in writing.

There was a similar incident at my DC’s independent school some years ago involving Y8 students. The Head took charge and suspended seven students - which was massively inconvenient to the families as some were overseas boarders. It never happened again.

Thankyou , My DD is scared that if I report what’s happened I’ll make things worse for her she’s gone into school today the girl that did this left her a voicemail saying that she didn’t see the harm in it 😡. I’ll see how she is when I pick her up she needs to keep well away from these kids

This may actually be a good thing, as it has now escalated how serious the bullying is.

However, I know how your daughter feels about the whole ‘making it worse’, in some cases it does. But you really need to ask yourself- do you want her staying there for another 2-4 years? You know how it’s feels to be bullied, would you want to stay in her place? You are paying for this. Is this what you thought you would be getting? No school is worth a child being deeply unhappy, the long term effects can be and are, devastating. Good luck to you both. I hate bullies, and the parents who think their bullying children are angels and it’s ’only a bit of harmless fun’.

I'm wondering how much worse it can get? Actually, I suppose it could get a lot worse!
This is bullying. Has HoY come back to you yet?