Year 7 - we'd like to change schools

[If1knewiwouldnotbehere]

My DD doesn't seem to fit in in her school.

The school was not our or her choice/preference (not 1-6). The school has limited opportunities due to the wealth disparity in that section of the borough. So limited experiences that her DB may have had at his school. She travels over 3 miles to get there (in London so quite a few schools, but also quite a few children). She has been picked on and bullied by two different children (since September, one completely resolved, the other got physical on more than one occasion - both have issues). But she was voted as one of the representatives for her year. She appears to be very mature in relation to the other children around her, which annoys her (and probably them). She has problems with her memory which doesn't help for studying but she is enthusiastic and tries her best. In the first instance, she wasnt too bothered about going to school without her friends, as she was making new ones, she likes the teachers,, she knows how to get round the school easily. Since she was enjoying it, we dropped stuff that wasn't too bad, but the two chidlren that caused issues, we contacted the school after each incident. After two terms she now feels that her new friends do not value her friendship. It's little inconsiderate things like waiting for eachother after school to catch the bus together. She'll wait for them if they ask, but they won't wait for her after she's asked.

No amount of telling her that she won't even know these people in 15 years makes no difference as she can't see past year 7, much less to leaving school and working. In the moment, she feels isolated. She's currently on a residential that she chose to go on for the experience, and kept whinging to her dad that the kids were messing about. Something that kids do (doh!).

As parents, the lack of follow through by the school, the lack of communication (only received the residential kit info 2 days before the event, only one parents evening since term began in February, and in said parents evening 95% of her teachers she only met in January), the lack of choice over languages because they can't attract enough teachers, the lack of residential opportunities are all execuses that are sounding weak. Because the school has recently gained a headteacher and new SN suppert, everything is now new.

Logically I understand that the school is starting fresh and will create these opportunities over time, but in the meantime, I think the current year 7 (and incoming year 6) are the ones that will suffer where they are lacking. That's not including the normal government obstacles. I guess I needed somewhere to vent, because it was one thing when we were a little unhappy but working with teh school to get what she needs. However, when it just keeps falling at each and every hurdle AND when she now feels that the only good thing about school is she knows how to navigate around the building, it's time to, but I have no idea how to look for other schools. She is on waiting lists. The nearest school to home, she was number 4 on the waiting list in November. I'm thinking of checking out of borough, but my thoughts are anywhere with places for an out of borough child, is probably no better than the school she is in.

DD moved in feb half term Y7, having got last choice school with kids she needed to get away from from primary, and stuck in a school refusal and anxiety cycle.

I got her on the list for every school I thought would work for her and our number came up at a wonderful school - where she is now very happy.

I would ring every school that you would consider in both boroughs. Places coming up at this time of year are because people move/change their minds/people who are unhappy - not usually because the school isn't good. By this time most people are happy enough with where they have ended up - so you might be lucky. Get on the phone.

There is a lot in your post, but the main thing that jumps out is that you need to work out exactly why you are unhappy about the school.

I have to admit that I read your post and thought that, other than the bullying, which sounds like it's addressed now, there is really nothing else in your post that doesn't sound very like something that might happen at any other secondary school that she might go to. (ok not getting the residential kit until 2 days before was very poor, and something you should feed back about, but I think most schools have their communication "blips" - was this more than a blip?).

I wonder if your expectations are too high or your views are coloured by the fact you didn't pick the school? I think the lack of choice of languages is very normal, and if she's already been on a residential by Feb of Year 7, that doesn't sound like poor opportunities! Equally secondary schools generally only have 1 parents' evening in an academic year and Year 7s are all finding their feet with regards making friends/falling out with friends etc.

I think you need to work out whether your/your daughter's unhappiness is just due to the excitement of a new school wearing off, or whether there is something fundamentally that would be better in a different school.

I got her on the list for every school I thought would work for her and our number came up at a wonderful school - where she is now very happy.

I will have to try that, but where to start, just anxious about making the wrong move. Is there such a thing a rate your school website?[Smile]

@Redsky@night

I understand your feelings OP. I tend to echo PP points that it's doesn't sound too abnormal. Very good to get a resistencia in already and parents evenings are normally only twice a year at our school.

My dd started a Secondary where she knew no-one. She went in confident and happy but soon lost her confidence as she found it hard to find proper friends. She also seemed more emotionally mature than many in her year which made things difficult. I was worried as hell at the time and encouraged her to join in with as many things as she could. She joined Drama club and gradually things got better.

She's in Y10 now and her friendships have evolved since Y7. She's now very happy and feels settled and confidence (well as confident as teen is!)

I became a school governor a year ago. That opened my eyes to what the school is actually doing. When my dd started we had a new head and a lot of new SLT's. I've realised that they didn't the first 18 months fighting fires. I super confident now that the school is great and will improve again over time.

My dd started in Y7 last year and it was much easier.

Having said all that, plenty of pupils mice in Y7 and Y8. There's no 'failure' in switching schools. Some people just find it isn't for them.

I would get into waiting lists and you may be surprised places do indeed come up elsewhere. Go and visit.

Good luck.

There really should be a rate your school website. I would have found it really helpful when choosing. Like a school trip advisor.

Well that didn't work.

@RedskyAtnight Unfortunately, I've just given minor examples of what has happened since September. I'm not sure If I don't like the school because I didn't choose it, because a child that threatened to stab by DD is still ini] school, that when the same kid punched her in her head she was sent to isolation and he was sent to the nurse or that they then gave her detention because she missed a class after being hit and sent to isolation, because in my heart of hearts I'm a snob and the demographics mean there is no point offering overseas language opportunites or skiing trips that my DS did in his school (I'd like to think not, but I'm not perfect and what is in your heart does come to fore) or that none of the teachers know about her learning difficulties, that the SENco was supposed to contact us last year but never did even after having a meeting with the assistant SENco to the point the language teachers don't understand the sound problems she has, though we provided the information.

Most schools have 2 parent evenings one in or around Oct/Nov to ensure the kids are settling in okay and the other in february to solidify the experience. It happens in Primaries and Secondaries and not just our borough. A school with this many issues, probably needed to reassure parents (or just us, but we can't be the only ones who give a damn) before this.

a one night residential isn't anything to shout home about, but apparently some of the children hadn't done it in Primary school with PGL. Even the teachers were surprised that DD had.

I think what troubles me about this school is that it doesn't have high aspirations, it doesn't expect much from its children. That is worrying to me.

And thinking about it the only reason why I would want my DD to go skiing is so I don't have to.

My orignial post was long so I didn't want to go deeper into what has gone on, but this is seriously the start. Lack of comms is not a blip. And only seems to be addressed when you start talking about safeguarding, safety and police. Because I've got well behaved (in school at least) kids in school they get ignored (heard this from a teacher at parents evening), we've already experienced it with our DS. Because of her learning issues we cannot be complacent and accept what has been going on. Or maybe we should just accept it. Maybe I'm overreacting. Am I?

There is the "ParentView" website - though ime, this tends to attract a pre-ponderance of people who are unhappy with the school. And not many parents fill it in, unless prompted to do so as part of an Ofsted inspection.

From your last post OP, and with all the further info you've added - no I don't think you're overreacting.

I wouldn't feel terribly comfortable with my dd there either. As a Governor, I know for a fact that at our school threats of violence and a punch in the head would be at least a fixed term exclusion or probably even permanent. That alone would tell me the level of expectations they have of their pupils, ie. Quite a low bar.

The lack of Senco input even after your meeting would worry me too.

I'm beginning to see your point. Start having a look around and see which schools have places.

When my dd was in Y6/7 I found it very hard to get an honest parent view, especially as I was out of area. Everyone has an agenda. People like to fuss other schools or rave about their own. I understand your confusion.

Did you say you were in London?

Fuss = diss

Do try to find your daughter another school. It's appalling that she was hit and threatened with stabbing. No school is perfect but that is beyond the pale.

I hate to say this but can you afford to pay for her to go to a private school? Things happen at private schools too, I know that, but are taken very seriously and happen less often; the kids are nurtured better.

Get her out of that place.

Lynda07 I can assure you that our state school would not tolerate behaviour like punching or threats of stabbing. It's extremely rare.

As a Governor I've said on many PEX panels and we have zero tolerance of violence.

We nurture our children well.

Let's not turn this into a 'all state school are awful' thread.

Could you say whereabouts in London you are? We might be able to suggest some schools not too far away that weren’t oversubscribed on offer day.

I would ring round all the schools that you are on the waitlist for and reiterate that you are still keen to move, it could be that people higher up the waitlist are feeling more settled so no longer want to move, we were offered a place at our v sought-after first choice a couple of weeks after the new academic year started but DD had settled ok and wasn’t keen on starting again.

I am pretty happy with DD’s school. We haven’t had a parents’ evening yet (one due shortly) and I don’t think there are any residentials this year but I know higher up the school there is the chance of some great trips inc skiing. The lack of parents’ evenings and residentials don’t bother me really but we haven’t experienced the bullying you describe (has been some argy bargy, fights seem fairly regular but school seem reasonably on it).

Good luck, it doesn’t sound a good environment for your little girl.

@Mediumred

We're in Enfield. I called up her 2nd choice school today and she's moved down the list.

Lynda07 We're seriously considering private, as I think the position is untenable. However, It will severely restrict what we do as a family in order to pay for it.

Have you tried getting her onto Ark John Keats/Winchmore/Highlands/Ashmole waiting list? I hope I'm not recommending a school she's already at. I know the schools east of the borough are quite rought but with all the crap people say about ark, the behaviour of the kids is normally v good from what I hear/observe.
I think I can probably guess which school your daughter is in and can sympathize. This year is a massive buldge year as you probably know but there is still some movement. There is a new boy in our DDs Y7 class in a v oversubscribed school that's moved from a rough school via waiting list in our borough.
Have you tried putting her onto a waiting list in any Haringey schools? The SEN provision down there is much better than in Enfield as they get inner London funding whereas Enfield is outer London. We have a friend from Enfield who got into Woodside via in year application. I would honestly try and put her onto as many lists as possible in schools that you'd find better suited.
I do agree some of the problems you will find everywhere eg we have one parent evening but the school run lots of residential's inc ski trip for all years. DD has come back with letters for 4 residential's this year alone. So you'll have to pick your battles but I think your current priority is keeping her safe.

Thanks @Malmontar
She's on 3 of those waiting lists. I dont know any schools in Haringey, so any help there would be great. Will look up the others. I think Ark had places at the beginning of the school year.

Have you tried appealing to any of the schools which you think will particularly suit her? You can appeal once for each year group so if you haven't already appealed it might be worth considering.

We appealed to 4 of the 6 schools was refused on 3 of them and realised one wasnt equipped as their SEN funding was cut so drastically.

We’re in Haringey, Hornsey Girls is kind of in the south of the borough so a bit of a journey but seems a nice school and not oversubscribed if you don’t mind a single sex school, I think girls do travel from all over North London.

I would keep pestering all the schools where you are on the waitlist, ring up every couple of weeks and just say breezily, ‘Oh, just checking where we are, you know we are so keen on this school.’

I think Hornsey’s SEN provision is supposed to be quite good, sure someone told me the head of SEN at the school had just come from APS, where the SEN unit was seen as really first class. (Sorry, wouldn’t bother with APS itself, it’s massively oversubscribed) good luck!

If I'm honest I'd pull her straight out once I'd found a private school that you like. I agree with you; I wouldn't keep her where she is. Could you pay for a few years max until a place comes up? There will be a place, it's just a waiting game. If you can afford it and it's just about really cutting back then honestly, as someone who was pulled out and put into a private school by my parents I can promise you it changed my life.

It's really not as easy just finding a private place tbh. Our friends daughter has been on waiting lists for a private since start of year 7. This buldge year has had a massive impact on N London school places and there wasn't enough classes in most boroughs.

I would second Hornsey. We had a tour by the SENCO and the provision wasn't enough for us but it was really v good for girls on Sen support. There's also lots of music and performing arts opportunities if your daughter is into that. I'm not sure what the trips situation is but it's a nice mix of middle class and less well off kids from east of the borough.
SEN is extremely underfunded everywhere so your best bet is finding a school with a high EHCP population. I've DM you some more detailed suggestions if you're interested.

Thank you all so much, this is all really helpful. Will check my DM now.