St. John’s School Leatherhead

[Lauren47]

I had a very alarming and distressing experience at this prestigious and well regarded school I thought it might be useful to put this out there for parents choosing secondary schools.
After the 11+ my son was very happily accepted, but after the offer day and after the half term holidays his offer was abruptly withdrawn. The reason being that he swore ‘bastard’ in the geography taster class. I asked my son’s side of the story and his response was ‘what does that word mean?’ and why would he say a word he doesn’t know the meaning of? When I told him what it meant his reaction was, ‘That’s a very sad word mummy...’ He admitted being overexcited and perhaps too playful with his new friend so being told off but recalled nothing of the ‘stunned class’ and was completely bewildered by the accusation. The decision to have his offer withdrawn was taken completely unilaterally by the Head based upon the recount of this geography teacher alone. My son’s school’s Headmaster who knows him for 7 years was gobsmacked and fiercely defended his character but the decision was already made. My son was distraught and completely confused. What kind of a school is this that puts a nasty word into an innocent 10 year old’s mouth and brands him ‘unsuitable’? It sent shivers down my spine. Behind those smiles and ‘7 pillars of kindness’ ethos lies absolute intolerance, prejudice and a medieval court system. Who showed my son a shred of kindness? We decided it was a lucky escape.

That’s so sad. Shaming and life changing. Not great language but one that should have been sensibly dealt with there in front of the other children. There seems to be a very depressing display of schools treating the children as numbers not humans. I hope your son has a better alternative.

Thank you for your kind words Bronte. Yes that’s what it felt like. My child is a piece of meat being processed at a factory and chucked out as ‘defective’

And to be absolutely clear he did not say it. The teacher needs a hearing aid!

That is even worse then. I thought he had said it. Children hear these words, don’t understand their meaning or consequences and the school should be able to help all children exposed to them to know right or wrong. Really I have been disappointed by the 11+ at many schools from the stories I’ve heard. Our children deserve better. Even those with the friendliest staff and correspondence all feel they are after the deposits and academic league tables first, the children last.

I appreciate this is a difficult thing for you and your son but I find your post overly dramatic. “Shivers down your spine” because your 10 year old was accused of swearing? Whilst you may not like to believe it 10 year olds do know swear words, I’m sure even yours. I do agree the school appears to have been heavy handed but I just can’t think of any reason whatsoever the Geography teacher has to make this up. I also question whether the incident was worse then you have been led to believe or posted here. I can’t imagine a secondary school not well used to disciplining swearing. I hope you find a new school for your son.

Of course he knows swear words and we make sure that he knows he’s too young to be using them so be absolutely careful. But it so happens he didn’t know this one. Also if you see your young son collapse in tears with complete confusion crushed by a school you completely trusted and bought into the betrayal does feel very dramatic indeed!

Yes Bronte I totally agree with your sentiment. The whole system is so wrong to expose such young children. The issue I have with the geography teacher is that he didn’t confront him there and then. Isn’t that the right thing to do to if he thought a child used a bad language? If he had everything would have been clarified. But instead he just went straight to the Head. No say for my son. It’s the unfairness of it all.

Ate you sure the “offer day” wasn’t also part of the admissions process? Had you paid a deposit by then? If not then they have not done anything wrong in a contractual sense- the school place is not “yours” until the deposit is paid. Your language is highly dramatic and a bit ridiculous. Sorry your boy is disappointed but time to sort plan B and move on

And in my experience when boys admit to being “over excited and playful” to the extent they have been “told off” it actually means they have been a bit of a nightmare.

That doesn't somehow ring true with any admissions team or head to make that decision without speaking to you via phone at the very least. As pp said was this a try out day as part of admissions process? It seems very early to have a day as you have described as offers would probably only have been sent out about 14th Feb for acceptance 6th March?

Wow - I am SHOCKED that your offer was withdrawn for this reason (even if he did say it). That is exceptionally harsh.
My fairly naive DC reports that the swearing is another level at the new nurturing secondary but only in the corridors where 'no teacher can hear it'. Some/many kids swear at secondary school - they are 'trying out' forbidden words. Surely the teachers know this?
I really feel for you and your son for this to be the outcome after a pretty brutal process that you thought had ended in success.

No it was not at all an admission process. If it was, it was not made clear. Thanks PatoPato Yes I admit to my shame I did doubt my son initially. But when I offered if he said ‘busted!’ Like his American dad does, instead of jumping on that as an excuse to clarify his name he honestly says ‘no mummy I didn’t say that either I don’t remember saying anything close to that word’ So I believe him. I can only think because he was being overexcited with his friend the teacher took some bias. He’s only human too but why could he not do the right thing and talk to him? He’s not unusually boisterous. Really a normal kid.

Bellie, the offer was given on 13th Feb and the Offer day was 18th already. Yes I was always impressed how efficient St. John was.

I don't know what to make of this.
And for those saying just move on, that's not do easy! presumably was OP's first choice of 11+ school.

Did you phoned the school again OP? Asked for a meeting or a phone call with the Geography teacher?

How long was Geography teachers lesson? How many lessons dud they have that day? Had they just come in overexcited from playtime? Did this happen at the beginning or the end of the lesson? Eas he mucking about beforehand and already warned once? Just before this happened? Was ds asked to step outside?

What a mess!

VanCleef not sure if you’ve gone thru this yourself and I may sound ridiculous but if you were about to commit next 7 years of your child’s future and several tens of thousands of pounds and this happens, and after the unnecessarily gruelling 11+ process it really does feel quite dramatic!

When does the final decision need to be made?

I'd phone the Head. Cry, beg and plead!

My friends dd has just got a place at 2 11+ schools, one in cobham, and the open days for both were this week.

I don't think she needs to make a decision till ??? Tomorrow? Or 1st March?

Phone now OP.
What have you got to lose?

Tell the admissions tutor/deputy head Everything you've told us here?

Question whether the geography teacher misheard ? tell them that your son claims he never said any of that anything of the sort. plead beg, say I'm so sorry.

he's such a good boy, his old headmaster supports him totally. and says he's really well-behaved.

please will you reconsider ?
I'm begging. you say anything!

It's gotta be worth a try?

Thanks Oblomov, yes the shocking thing also was the complete shutting the door in your face. Of course I begged and pleaded to see the Head and talk to the geography teacher but the answer was a firm ‘No’ the registerar was like ‘please move on... Next!’ Their attitude was 180 degrees different from all the impressions they made on you up until then. No sympathy no nothing. I was so very shocked... Hence my drama! Very confusing. What I genuinely believed seemed all very fake after this experience.

Yes I have - and know the school well. They are massively oversubscribed for Lower School entry. Therefore they have no incentive to make exceptions for your son, there are plenty of others to take “his” place. I note you have not answered my initial question as to whether you have accepted a place by paying a deposit. If not, then I fear you may have misunderstood the nature of the try out day.

Do you have other offers in hand? Even if you were to argue the case and St J reinstate the offer would you/he still want to go there? Are you already committed by deposit or was it an offer holders day before doing so?

Lol thank you Oblomov. But I’ve moved on... we are now considering Emanuel which seem a more robust inner city school rather than an stiff English countryside boarding school! It was a blessing in disguise. Just shocked how all the smiley faces were so cynically a propaganda...

It’s sounds like an appalling way to manage the situation. Obviously demand is greater than supply so they can get rid of children that they don’t want.
Have you got a place in another school ?

LIZS we were lucky his dad was just about to pay the deposit I called him to stop just in time 😂

VanCleef- lots of the schools have had 'taster' days for offer holders - noone attending these would expect to have their offer withdrawn- they are for the schools to persuade you to accept their offer.