Mild ASD & Oxford (or thereabouts) senior schools

[OxfordMum1983]

Hello - not used mumsnet for so long that I had to change all my details as had forgotten them!

My ds1 is in year 4 at a local day prep school. He had a diagnosis of ASD (mild end spectrum, has normal IQ and language skills but not gifted or anything remotely similar) made by neuropsychiatric CAMHS last year. This was what we expected at the time. His main difficulties are rigidity, not coping with change, limited social reciprocity at times, poor understanding of social affect and mild pathological demand avoidance. Latter basically manifests as refusing to do anything we ask him at home, especially schoolwork or things he finds hard. His behaviour in school is good, they have no difficulties except for managing his anxiety and trying to prevent unpexected change or chaos. He has 1:1 input for spelling (absolutely terrible!) and writing as has dyslexia and mild dyspraxia although now that is much improved after lots of input.

We are very happy with his current school which although produces amazing academic results from the majority of their pupils, is not especially pressurised, very nuturing, very individual in their flexibility and were happy to keep ds1 in their prep even though he was too anxious to do the internal assessments to move from pre-prep to prep. The curriculum is very broad but also deep as required.

Anyway, we have to think about which schools to look at for senior school and everyone is advising us to think early as lots of the pre-tests are in yr6. Ahhhhh!

We need a school which is not too selective (ds1 is bright but the ASD prevents him achieving his potential as he is too anxious and refuses to do lots of things, I have no idea if he will actually sit exams let along 'perform'), preferably has experience of mild ASD/managing anxiety. Ds1's consultant suggested he might find weekly boarding helpful as a lot of her similar patients have liked the structure of this option.

We live in Oxford and will primarily be considering independent schools, as our two potential catchment secondaries are not really suitable - I have visited both - both very large, chaotic, achievement on average below ds' so I suspect he would just not bother and the staff were not very supportive when I mentionned the ASD. However, I am willing to consider anywhere!
Any suggestions for day or boarding (although preferably weekly) within shooting distance of Oxford that might suit?
I am going to see St Edwards and D'overbroecks.
nb. I have excluded Cokethorpe as ds' consultant said she wouldn't recommend it for him.

If you don’t mind looking further afield try Shiplake. Although I would have thought your current prep would be well placed to make recommendations

Good luck

Have a look at Bloxham. Great SEN support and has weekly boarding. Ditto Shiplake.

Thanks. Current prep is helpful, although saying ‘it’s still a bit too early to know’ which I think is their stock reply until yr5 for everyone!
I will look at those. Bit concerned Bloxham might not be academic enough to encourage ds1 to achieve his best, but this is based mainly on hearing about it, so I will look. Not heard of Shiplake so another for the list.

Any other ideas?
Anyone had dc at st Edwards (Teddies) or D’overbroecks?

Shiplake May also not be academic enough. No DC at teddies but have only ever heard good things about it.

Teddies is selective they’ve had 450 applicants for 120 places for the Sept 2022 start & if he doesn’t like assessment then you might need to look at somewhere that has a gentler entrance exam.

Kingham School, Stow on the Wold might be worth a look.

Thanks.
Aware teddies is selective, may not be possible but we will see.
The exact number of candidates for a school doesn't concern me so much - round here it is common for kids to register/sit assessments for several schools but each child can only actually accept/go to one.

Don’t mean to argue with the consultant but i really fail to see how a boy with social anxiety and ASD and change resistance might be happy at the boarding school? Have you looked at the indies near you- sorry, i’m in London so don’t know much about Oxford but surely there must be some?

I know you said independent, but Burford School ( state) has boarding, quite small cohort i gather.

Kingham Hill,good SEN department boarding if needed.

Bloxham has been brilliant for DS2 who has PDA and they really seem to get him. They do push him enough academically but not to the point that his anxiety goes into overdrive, and there is a real mix of abilities throughout the school.

Have you considered Sibford at all? SEN is really well catered for and also do boarding.

@Paribus We were surprised by what the consultant said as well! we will only really go for boarding if we can't find a school close enough.

@ elaeocarpus yes have burford on the list, happy to go for state if seems suitable!

i think we need a clearer view on his likely academic level - i'm genuinely unsure if he would be of the calibre for a selective school, even not uber selective. The majority of boys from his prep go to magdalen college school ( as selective as you can get) or abingdon ( very selective) . I think I will visit as many as possible and hope that helps narrow it down, plus school will help guide a bit later on.

Okay - my experience of ASD (mild end), is that puberty can be quite a shock to the system, and a child who has been going along quite happily can really struggle (or even go off the rails).

I know of lots of children with ASD at boarding schools - but these tend to be Special schools, not standard Boarding schools. And the reason they seem to work is because of the highly trained staff and high staffing ratios.
I think a key thing when looking at schools is to be brutally honest about your son's needs. If the school seems inflexible or reluctant to discuss your son, then it probably isn't the right school for him.
I had contact with the SN staff at Teddies some years ago, and was impressed by their attitude - but I'm not sure if it is the same nowadays.

And I would suggest that you think about a plan B (and maybe even C) just incase everything becomes chaotic with puberty.

My feeling would be, don't write off Bloxham or Kingham as too non-academic for your son. Both have good SEN departments and their small, family atmospheres help to get the best from their pupils. The rarified air of the Oxford school bubble can mean that it is difficult to let go of that academic tape measure.

Would second that. I have DC with SEND/SpLD in a similar ‘non academic‘ school to those two and who both achieved v good results (all A*A) because a) they were happy and b) their individual needs were understood and supported

I think you are right - I won't discount anywhere until I have visited. I just have a (possibly wrong) idea that if the curriculum is less interesting and the average acceptable standard of work lower than he could be doing then DS will just coast and not achieve what he could. However I recognise he won't achieve anything if unhappy. He enjoys activities/subjects I never did in my state schools - classics, academic aspects of music (hopeless at producing music), debating, museum visiting club, pottery lessons. It would be great to keep the range of opportunities similar. It feels like we need somewhere academic enough but not too pressurised and with experience of similar kids. We are very lucky with his current school.

I need to learn more about similar kids I think to help me judge what might be best.

The oxford school bubble is mad indeed. There are kids commuting up to 90mins each way in ds' prep - that is a lot of car time when there are much closer schools I strongly suspect to be no different!

Shiplake has new Headmaster who is apparently pushing academics and the Learning Development Department is excellent.

I have a dd with a similar diagnosis to your ds.
Dd now weekly boards and it works really really well. She gets all her prep done at school so no arguments at the weekend about doing homework.

I would look for the smallest school available with experience of asd children.
I have friends who's dc are happy at Kingham and Shiplake.

Just came back to this thread as am having another wave of panic over the issue.

@1805 great to hear your dd is doing well. The arguments over homework are definitely a big issue for us already and everything I read suggests it will just get worse. I am keen that the boarding would be weekly rather than full.

Met with DS' current headmaster & SENCO who suggested we look at:

• St edwards
• kingham hill
• d'overbroecks

I've also arranged to see sibford, cokethorpe, bloxham. All my days off for months are now full of visiting senior schools!

It is hard to know what a child will be like at 13 when they are in yr4/5...not even considering any special needs! Anyone with any insight into that, esp for ASD, it would be very welcome here.

No idea how you tell how an ASD child will be in 5 years time!!
I have found it really hard to tell what a school will be like until you are actually in there every day. We've got it wrong several times in the past despite lots of research / visits.
With the benefit of hind site, the questions I would now ask would include…
How many gcse's are compulsory to take? Could dc take fewer subjects and have free periods during the timetable? How will dc be supported doing prep? What experience do the senco team have with similar children? how inclusive are the extra curricular activities?

And I would want to talk to the house mistress/master and ask -
Dorm or single room? To what sound do they wake up to? How strict are the timings for showers? Is there a secluded place dc can go if necessary? How much contact could dc have with you?

I deliberately chose Kingham as a non-selective for my kids as didn't want the pressure of a selective for them. They are definitely being stretched and pushed, (eldest just coming up to GCSEs) but with individual goals - not all the kids in the year are going to be looking at straight A's. There are kids who commute by train each day from Oxford, so could offer the flexibility to be day for your child if they couldn't cope with weekly boarding.

Kingham has a great reputation locally definitely worth a look. You mentioned Burford you need to be in small catchment area it’s heavily oversubscribed & 240 pre year group so not the small set up you’d initially requested.

Great thanks. Good to hear positive thoughts on kingham hill as I haven't come across anyone with experience of it in real life yet.

@1805 Thanks for the pointers re questions, I've added the number of GCSEs one and showers as hadn't of those.