My dd11 has struggled with refusing to go to school since around year 4, it has always been an effort to get her up and out of the house in the morning. I thought perhaps when she started senior school things would get better as it was a new school and a chance for her to have a fresh start but if anything things have got worse.
She hasn't been into school for the last 2 weeks. We had a meeting with the school last week where she told them that she doesn't know what the problem is but she gets really anxious and just can do it. It seems to be more about going into school in the morning than the she didn't find lessons particularly stressful and if she did get anxious she would just distract herself by getting on with her work.
I have been in regular contact with the school and they have sent me a wedge of work to be getting on with at home and we have ordered books online for her to work from. Thankfully my mum is retired and has been able to step in to help me with her and ensure she is getting work done.
We have removed access to any technology unless it is to complete school work. Her phone is her prize possession and for her to so willingly hand it over when she is begging me to not make her go to school makes me think perhaps there is more to this than just being difficult.
We were previously referred to the school nurse when she was in primary school, then to a paediatrician and finally to a clinical psychologist. They said she had "Mild" anxiety and poo poo'd most of her problems. The Psychologist clearly thought I was the problem rather than my daughter and her suggestions we use sticker charts and spending quality time together/building up our fractured relationship. This was at a time where she was beating me up on a daily basis and subjecting me to a barrage of verbal abuse. I was covered in bruises and completely drained mentally.
I have managed to work past that behaviour and seem to be able to control/stop her in her tracks when she starts to lean in that direction. I think she is also starting to build on her own recognition of her behaviour and needs and can tell you if she is hungry/tired which is easily rectified.
Whilst we were seeing the psychologist dd was also not sleeping at all...….she would go to bed at 7.30/8 and still be awake at 1am. I asked the psychologist to refer us back to the paed to prescribe us melatonin but she didn't want to......so I spoke to a friend who ASD ds is on it and she advised me where to buy it online from a reputable pharmacy. The melatonin means she gets up to 11/12 hours of sleep a night and she is like a different child since we have been giving it to her. The rest of the house/neighbours aren't kept up all night with her screaming because she couldn't sleep.
I really don't know how best to deal with the school refusal.....a lot of this started when we lost my grandparents within a few months of one another. I has been going on for so long that it's hard to remember what was going on at the time to trigger it. I think there could be some element of separation anxiety but I am also wondering if there is something else going on. I think there are some sensory issues.
Sorry this is really long but I am at my witts end trying to figure this all out. I am a single mum, I have another child who is being ignored whilst this all plays out. I am worried about my job because she is always making me late. I get over looked for projects and progression because I am seen as unreliable. Its just very stressful.