Detentions

[Waitingtomove]

My DS (14) was involved in an incident with his friends yesterday where they were rude to a member of staff and refused to follow instructions. He was given 4 detentions for this, is this normal / reasonable?
FYI I’m not defending his behaviour in any way of course he was out of line

I don't think it's excessive. Rudeness and defiance needs to be cracked down on harder than say forgetting something, as it's deliberate and unpleasant. If they don't come down on it hard they could end up with chaos and a horrible/unsafe working environment.
I'd support the school and hope my dc learned their lesson. I think if you complained it was too harsh it would encourage your son to be disrespectful again in future

On a positive note, it's good that you are accepting that he did wrong rather than denying it as some parents would

I don't see any problems with that. I suppose it is losing something like four breaktimes or lunchtimes?

He behaved badly and he pays the consequences. Not excessive to me.

I agree it's more malicious or intentional than forgetting to do homework or forgetting your pe kit and has a negative affect on someone else instead of just impacting his own learning. So should be more harshly punished so next time I'm sure he'll think twice before either instigating or joining in with it sure it will do him good in the long run, teachers surely need to feel supported to do their best work

Thank you, I appreciate your comments. You have helped me to see things from a different angle.
Parenting teens is a minefield 😕

It really is and mine are just at the beginning of it so I really feel your pain.
With stuff like this I keep thinking I would rather then have the harsh lesson. It teaches natural consequences. I try to keep re iterating that I love them unconditionally but don't like all of their behaviour and support the school in their discipline system entirely. I also go with the
"You knew the rules and chose to break them so suck it up approach"
Here's a for the nightmare of teens

I didn’t ever tell my DDs I loved them unconditionally. This can end up being a green light for bad behaviour. I would refrain from actually saying that to them. Of course you love them and they know it already. Just stick to your expectations of them and keep the boundaries steady and clear for them to understand. Keep communicating. Talk about trials and tribulations and don’t support poor behaviour - which I’m sure you don’t. They really do know you love them!

I have not always totally supported schools. Teachers can make biased and unprofessional judgements. However in this case they haven’t. Schools shouldn’t get unconditional support either. It’s a two way relationship with them too!

Depends on the type/duration of the detention. I have often seen multiple shorter ones given in place of a larger one at an inconvenient time for example.