Am a being precious?

[BiBiBirdie]

DD is in year 8, she has been given a part in the chorus of this year's school production. When she auditioned, I was unaware of how the whole thing runs.
She was pleased as are we that she was picked as many kids apply and she was turned down last year.
Since then, slowly, the excitement of watching has been eroded by the absolute shower the organisation of the play is.
Firstly, constant, but changing, after school rehearsals. Yes, standard, but not updated online and an attitude of attend at short notice or bog off as you're not committed
These have now been three times this week, from 3-6pm. She has still been given homework in this time too. No notice of yesterday's one at all until I got a hurried text. Tuesday she was upset as she went to where the rest of rehearsal has been but it had moved and she thought she'd be told off. Also had a teacher not know I was on the other end of the phone when she went to ask if a previous rehearsal was finishing at 5, 5.30 or 6pm, and I could hear him tell her about commitment and if I had a problem with it she shouldn't take part.
I bit my tongue on that at her request.
We have had, since September, one letter. Asking for costumes, very specific, must look Victorian. This was on the Friday of last week, to be found by Sunday. No understanding of Christmas, budgets, etc. Sorted hers but said she could use her boots. Apparently not good enough as she is a boy in the chorus. So am expected to buy shiny brogues apparently for 3 days of a school play. She had an absolute meltdown this morning about it.
Sunday she was there 10-3pm so we had to cancel something. She's there again Sunday.
Plus Monday of next week, all through a normal schoolday timetable, but there until 9.30pm.
Then the play. The damn play.
They're "not sure" but think the play will start at 7.30pm and then finish "around" 10pm. Three nights.
Now, as we all know, plays never start at 7.30 on the dot. It will be nearer 8pm. I then have to wait for her to get changed and everyone to leave, plus the nightmare "car park" escape so by the time she gets home, it will be near on 11pm.
She has to go to school as normal, Monday to Friday. So up at 7am.
Am I being precious to think this is really not on, the school could easily start at a reasonable hour and a bit of info would be normal for most schools?
I've been moaned at by a mum who is all proud her child is still going to get two buses home and I'm babying mine. This from the mum who was clueless about costumes and the Sunday rehearsal until I asked if they went in in their costumes.

I completely understand why you're annoyed (and rightfully so) especially because my daughter is part of a theatre production as well, but I wouldn't make a big deal about it. She did well to get in and I'm sure the performance will be great and it's going to be over soon.

That seems disorganised.

When DD1 & DD2 have done school productions it has gone like this:

• fixed lunch / after school slots for rehearsals
• rehearsal schedule published in advance so they can see if their song/scene is needed
• all weekend rehearsals weekend before - known in advance
• all day rehearsal Mon - known in advance
• Show starts promptly, certainly within 5 mins of start time
• show week before half term so can recover
• costume requirements reasonable with good notice

@TeenPlusTwenties yes that's what I would've expected too. I did plays at school and despite there not being the raft of ways to contact as now, we got letters detailing what was required.
I get the vibe from the teacher I heard down the phone that it's a case of frustrated egos.
In the past when she has done choir stuff, she was so excited, but it seems more stress than anything else. She was utterly mental this morning over it. When I suggest not doing
it next year, you'd think I had insulted her though.
I just feel this should be really exciting and fun but it's so not. And I daren't say anything or she fears this teacher won't let her do it next year.
I just think a little understanding of the time of year would be good.

That's incredibly disorganised. Both of my two have been involved in numerous school, college, dance school, youth theatre & professional (panto & touring) productions. Rehearsal schedules do change and at school there are off timetable rehearsals but homework allowances have been made. Rehearsal schedules have been put up on noticeboards, all weekend rehearsals were known about weeks in advance. One school which was very particular about costumes provided everything. The other asked parents to do their best with what they could get/afford.

And all the productions my two have been involved in with the exception of the pro panto have started pretty much on the dot, 5 mins delay at most.

It’s disorganised but your DD needs your support to continue so try being a bit more upbeat. Yes, all this would be better if known in advance and a summer show is better! However try and get the costume together.

Victorian boys need rolled up trousers, socks, lace up shoes (borrowed from a boy) a baggy shirt, a neck tie, and ideally a flat cap. Think Artful Dodger in Oliver but without the topper! She is not a main part so being perfect isn’t vital.

It is possibly good that the school takes this fairly seriously. Drama is brilliant for confidence and public speaking. She is to be congratulated for getting in and sticking with it! Don’t encourage her to give up - support her.

Oh I am, but when I'm getting last minute calls or calls where she is in tears it's difficult not to be cross.
With the costume, she's quite Tom boy anyway so she had a grandad shirt and she pinched a tweed waistcoat off her dad from his skinnier days. I bought a pair of baggier suit style trousers from the second hand shop and a flat cap and that all passed the approval. But the boots, which are just plain black suede boots you can hardly see due to the trousers, are not good enough.
It's a matter of principle now that I think I've been very understanding of dodgy over heard attitude on a call, of giving up plans and late nights. She can wear the boots and if they're that fussed they can find her something else. If I'd refused point blank to buy her the rest I would understand but I've not.
Personally, as long as the show is good and you can tell the kids in it are having fun, then I wouldn't and I doubt anyone else would walk out saying "well, it was great all except the girl in the back who had non-Victorian specific boots on, that really spoilt it for me"
The panic it's caused is unreal for others too!

Just to really show the palaver, she's just phoned as she is meant to be at rehearsal until 6pm again tonight, she's just been told they've changed their mind and don't need them now. So I've had to track her dad down to drive up and get her.
Ridiculous.

Sorry but that is ridiculous. I would be asking to speak to someone. Do you live in some really well off area? Being that picky with an outfit just makes it so inaccessible to less well off pupils and it's cancelling things last minute is not on. They need to get a grip.

I agree. We don't live in a particularly well off area no.
She actually forgot her mobile this morning (the wonders of the sleep deprivation meltdown) so had to borrow a phone off a sixth former, and the sixth former heard me say they're taking the piss. She was a bit embarrassed but the sixth former said, no, your mum is right they are taking the piss, my mum thinks so too and I'm 15. So now she's not as cross with me.
She told them I said she will need to wear her boots but she told the nicer teacher who said if we couldn't get some it doesn't matter. Glad I stood my ground on it.

I would personally speak to them. This is a 12 year old and they can't assume parents can just change logistics of everything last minute. As she didn't get in last year I'm assuming there's y7s in this aswell. Can't imagine how stressed they are! I would write everything down that's happened and send it to them. It is a great opportunity and I know teachers sacrifice a lot to run these things but when it goes wrong-which it sounds like it has been for ages, it puts kids off these sorts of things forever. And their families. No one is asking them to put a west end show and obviously one or two cancellations sometimes happen. This sounds like a horrible experience and I would tactfully remind them of it.

Yes I think I will, DH cautioned me to wait until the play is done but I'm going to.
It's so unlike the school as a whole. They're usually top rate and on the ball.
There is indeed year 7s in it, all year groups, so I feel for those in GCSE or A'level years especially. I think in my mind, if I was to email and say, "DD will be knackered this week so excuse her being a right miserable sod, but I've decided to keep her up until 11pm or later to go to the theatre every night" they'd, quite rightly, be miffed or think I was a terrible parent.
I think I will tactfully write it down though and suggest, next time, far more communication, and a lot more respect of family life, school work and the time of year.

as we all know, plays never start at 7.30 on the dot. It will be nearer 8pm

The performances at DD's school start on the dot, or near as.
I seem to recall we paid £35 or £50 for DD to be a minor chorus part character, that payment covered 'hire' of the scripts & costumes, too. We had to buy any footwear. 3 school nights of performances + 2 on the Saturday.

And they are damn fine performances too -- I've been to a lot of live theatre. The quality of the productions is very impressive at DC school

to be honest what OP describes sounds very familar, most rehearsals planned in advance but some rehearsals advertised with < 1 week notice or ended early or not needed after all. Almost every Saturday taken up with rehearsals for 6 months. That was always for 'nothing' parts. The people with character roles had to dedicate a lot more time.

I'm glad that some schools do stick regimentally to the start time.
However, I've been to a lot of events here, be it transition info evening, to year group welcomes, to a graduation for year 7 to 8. Not one has ever started or finished at the time it was supposed to.

I guess I'm lucky in that, with the other stuff she did previously, including at the local theatre where there were lots of schools taking part, we were kept informed. It made planning meals and weekends and homework time far easier.
If she hadn't been left so down in the dumps by it all, I would just affix a grin and be done with it whilst quietly lamenting the lack of info. But she has cried several times this week alone. It's not like her at all
And none of the bitching from one of the staff organising it has been said directly to me. It's all been said to her, and she takes it as being a mark against her. She got so angry over the shoe issue, at me rather than the teacher for being so petty.
I get that some take it incredibly seriously, but I find the plays that are most remembered are ones that the kids enjoyed themselves, with no pressure on them.
If something goes tits up, no one actually cares, in fact, one year I was in a school play and played Jill from the nursery rhyme. On the last evening of performing, for a joke, the bottle of watered down cola which I had to pretend pour on "Jacks" head for the vinegar and brown paper bit, one of the backstage kids had loosened the lid, not loads but enough that when I tipped it, it fell off and poured out over my friends head.
No one cared, we all cracked up, teacher said it made the play, no one cried. I still remember that 25 years later.

Is there not a single pair of lace up shoes she can borrow? Charity shop again? Yes it’s a huge faff. However it will all be worth it!

For what it’s worth, the start time has just been moved for a “revue” my DD is in next week at a very august organisation. It happens!

We have sorted it, she told the grumpy teacher that I had said it was boots or nothing and he huffed and said fine.

It's actually worked out that another parent with a year 7 in the play had enough herself after last week. She phoned the head and said the concerns many of us have, that the play isn't exciting for many of us and stressful for our children, and that there was no way they would manage school work as normal after such a late night.
It also turned out that Thursday, the last night, they will be having a presentation (possibly of flowers I would imagine) so will be out even later. That was it for the lady who phoned. The head asked why no one had said and she said it was as our kids were worried they would be booted off the play.
The head has decreed that, as work is winding down anyway, next week there will be no homework, and they will hang out in school in the drama block, going over any bits that need additional work on the play, and in their own comfy clothes from home.
I'm personally glad she did call in and the head has made it clear to the staff she isn't impressed and there will be a full debrief after the week is over.

Still late obviously, but at least no concerns of hormonal, angry tired DD ending up a mess!

Isn’t the Head going to the play? Surely the Head would be aware of late evenings? How odd? Head always present at DDs school shows.

I think it's more she was unimpressed with the lack of info and that we only found out how late it was running after they had auditioned.
I don't think last year's play ran so late. There's a couple of new staff involved this year, hopefully next time they will reconsider the late end time for the younger kids.

At DD's school, those involved in the productions (including stage hands, orchestra etc) go in at morning break, so they can catch up in a bit of sleep. (Bit of a hassle if they get the school bus, but never mind)
Other schools I know also do this (and IIRC even my own school back in the dark ages did it)
However, it seemed to be a "known" thing, and DD wasn't told this was the case for the first production she did at secondary. Perhaps DD could check (maybe ask that kind 6th former?)

Most school productions start at 7. This is to allow parents who work to attend. They should be all over by 9.30. That’s not too bad. Even when DDs were in infant school it was a 7 pm start but over by 8.30 pm. A bit late for some but the adrenalin kept the
sleepy ones awake. 9.30 shouldn’t be too late for secondary. I would agree an 8 pm start is too late.

@W00t I did wonder that as I remembered doing the same in school, in fact back then when there wasn't such a huge (and important) deal made of 95% attendance, the attitude was to bunk off on the last day if you were knackered. But no, sadly not in this case.

I'm sure for some, a late night is normal, or something they can handle. I cannot tell you what a loon she turns into if she doesn't get to bed and get a good night's sleep. On Friday after going to bed late as a test, she ended up having an almighty row with her girlfriend after she flicked DDs hat as a joke. Usually she would laugh.
I'm glad her headteacher has decreed they come in but can relax and do the odd bit of tidy up on any bits of the okay that go a little wrong. Elsewise I would be spending all week having to email to teachers.

I think the lack of information and bad organisation is appalling. I don't know so much about the late nights. My daughters have both done professional shows and rehearsals and shows regularly go on until 10. and this is from the age of 7. Admittedly homework commitments are less when they are younger but they have managed to keep up their school work and get up the next day for school etc. They do get tired but it isn't for 6 months, only usually about 6 weeks in a block. This show will be shorter than that and she is older so i am sure she can cope with it.

I'm trying to limit the tiredness, but it is a worry. I know some come handle multiple late nights but she genuinely cant. She's already got terrific PMT this morning, so that doesn't help.

If that's not bad enough, our car is having issues this morning so looks like by the end of the week lots and lots of walking. It's a good half hour plus walk as well. Never rains but it pours