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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Removing daughter from school in year 11

12 replies

SingleD · 17/11/2019 13:39

Im considering removing my daughter from school. She is in year 11. I realise its a drastic step (if its even possible) but I feel its needed.
Is it possible to get my daughter into college (she is 16 in December) to complete her exams or am I onto a loser with this?
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
Regards
SingleD

OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 17/11/2019 13:44

You would need to speak to the college you were thinking of enroling her in, but they may be full and/or doing a different examination board than your DD has studied for at school.

NewElthamMum13 · 17/11/2019 14:24

Please have a look here - Considering deregistering in late secondary school.

You usually cannot sit the same set of exams as an external candidate that you could as an enrolled pupil. You'd have more choice if you could persuade the school to let your child sit exams there. Her results will usually be attributed to them anyway, certainly if it's after the January census, so they have some incentive to work with you. The page above explains what you'd be taking on and what you'd probably need to change.

Jackeroosmum · 19/11/2019 14:51

It is possible to remove her yes and you can pay for her to sit her GCSEs at any exam registered institution (so a school or college). I take it things must be really bad for her :-(. Do you plan to home school her?

NewElthamMum13 · 19/11/2019 16:48

The difficulty is, @Jackeroosmum, that for some GCSEs you can't normally take them as a private candidate as the exam centre has to sign off certain elements eg the speaking test in English and foreign languages, the science practical endorsement, Geography fieldwork, and for music, art and PE, for instance, the practical elements. For some of these, eg English, science and geography, home educators usually do International GCSEs instead as they don't have good extra level of bureaucracy. However, this normally involves a different syllabus, so the child would have to change courses. For things like music, art, Dance , PE or drama, it's not usually possible to take the GCSE. So it wouldn't be as straightforward as it first seems. In addition, most schools and colleges do not accept private candidates for exams. There are some great private exam centres, but you need to budget around £180 per qualification in average.

Mumdiva99 · 19/11/2019 16:51

Why would you need to do that? If you are under pressure from the school to take her out then that is called off rolling and is a massive no no. Would it really be in her best interest to change school now? Would another local school accept her?

SingleD · 10/12/2019 20:33

Thank you everyone for your replies. Firstly I must apologise for not replying sooner . To say things have been a bit manic is an understatement but more things have come to light and I now have a much clearer picture.
Here goes.
The problem was not school. My daughter became very withdrawn, quiet, not herself at all. She stopped doing her usual activities, stopped going to the gym, just stopped being her,
As shed had issues being bullied recently I put 2 and 2 together and made 5.
The problem turned out to be grooming. Someone on her facebook friends had been sending her explicit pictures, sleazy messages and was pestering her for pictures of her.
This person is a celebrity of sorts, he is very prominent in my daughters sport and she looked up to him, worshipped him if you will and he betrayed that. I contacted the police but rather than go arrest him they made an appointment for him to go to the police station for questioning. At this point he "lost" his phone and so the police dont think they will get a conviction so he gets away with it.
As you can well imagine my daughter is very upset by this and feels she isnt being believed.
I cant believe I got it so wrong but her school life has not been a happy one. She is bullied a lot and so thats where I thought the problem was.
I know better now and have learned not to make snap judgments in future.

OP posts:
chillie · 11/12/2019 18:39

His phone might be lost but your daughters isn't. Show hers to the police!

Savingforarainyday · 11/12/2019 18:44

School might be able to offer an alternative ( like reduced timetable/ afterschool lessons for awhile).
Maybe talk to them first?

BertrandRussell · 11/12/2019 18:49

Surely the messages are on your ds’s phone?

Darbs76 · 11/12/2019 20:35

How awful. As long as your daughter has the messages the police will have evidence.
I’d think very carefully about withdrawing your daughter at this late stage. Can you get her some counselling, perhaps the school can help?

SingleD · 15/12/2019 13:55

Thank you everyone for your replies. This "man" convinced my daughter to delete most of the messages and pictures towards the end of his sordid conversation.
A little about my daughter, she has some learning difficulties and presents a good few years younger than her actual age so can be easily led. However, due to this I have her social media accounts duplicated on my phone so as soon as she became worried about the content of his messages I flicked through them on my phone, screen shot the message stream and contacted the police. The police took 6 days to come see us and during this time (and against my instructions) she continued to read his messages, at this point she began deleting them. I felt this was not a problem as the messages were on my phone too right?
Not so, as they were on Instagram when she deleted them from her phone they disappeared from my phone.
When the police finally attended all I had were the screen shots, the Facebook messages (not deleted and still there now) and emails (again, still in the inbox right now) .
When the police invited him for an interview he had around 4 or 5 days to "lose" his phone and replace it. He did exactly that and as a result the police say they cant proceed.
Its a mess. My daughter now blames herself and this creature is free to groom more young girls and his job gives him regular access to kids and young teens. I have had so many sleepless nights about this fact my health has taken a huge hit. I have let my baby down. I should have confiscated her phone immediately but I didnt. Ill have to live with that.
My daughter has some counselling arranged for after Christmas and Im doing my best to keep her occupied so she has no time to dwell on it but its a hard slog.
And yes, if im brutally honest I want revenge on this man. I want to ruin him. I know this is wrong but I just cant help it.

OP posts:
thatguiltyfeeling · 15/12/2019 14:51

I'm so sorry about your daughter.
Unfortunately police do arrange for appointments to be made - an ex of mine was accused of rape and they went to his house, waited for him to finish work and then told him he had to be at the station on x date and if he wasn't there would be a warrant for his arrest. The rape claim was false so he just went along with it all and was honest but this man grooming your daughter is very dodgy losing his phone like that.
I hope she manages to move forward soon and put this dickhead behind her, I was groomed, not to the level of your daughter but still, and I believed I loved this man so I didn't get over it for a few months but one day I woke up and I just was. Talking about it with someone who has no emotions attached will help, such as a teacher or therapist.

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