Parent teacher meeting

[mcmen05]

Had parent teacher meeting today.
All went well except one teacher very negative about my dd.
This is the first parent teacher meeting I have had with her but she is so annoying.
After my mum died she rang me and had a total rant at me about my dd not doing homework.
She put my 16 year old sitting by herself in the class and makes sarcastic comments like are you miserable today again in front off other students she tried to deny saying this and I said other students hav ed backed up my dd and told me the same.
She was so rude about my dd.
My dd is not perfect and is attending a specialist about her memory
But this teachers constant criticism gets on my nerves.
I have tried to get her out of this Class but not possible with timetable which I accept so I told the teacher to leave her alone and if she doesn't do her homework that's my dd problem. Her constant criticism is affecting her mental health.
My dd wanted to do Spanish for an A level at start of GCSE year but now her predicted grade is as fail so this teacher has really affected her future in path.
The teacher totally denies any wrong doing and says I put my whole heart into my students. She says no student has ever complained about her but another teacher told me she has heard a few complaints.
I do understand teachers have as hard job.

Did your dd only not do homework when your mum died or does she not do it at all in Spanish? Does she do homework in other subjects?

Having a student who is not doing their homework is a valid reason for a teacher to contact you. I'm sorry that you feel the teacher ranted at you. Of course none of us can know the truth, but I suspect it is possible that you were feeling overly sensitive if you'd just lost your mum.

In Spanish, a lot of homework is based around vocabulary and understanding of what they have covered in class, to enable them to progress to the next thing, so if your daughter is consistently not doing this, she is putting herself at a disadvantage. Any teacher would follow this up.

I find it interesting that you have told the teacher that if your DD doesn't do her homework that is DD's problem, but then you later say the reason that DD is predicted to fail is the teacher's fault. Which is it?

How is your DD doing in her other subjects? Are there similar issues? Is she doing her homework?

RedskyToNight has a great post.

If a student isn't doing their homework then contact home would often come at a point where it isn't a one off. It's also fairly unusual to have contact home around a family loss about homework if there's only been a couple of late pieces around that time.

A student sitting on their own isn't automatically problematic either.

Equally, what are we meaning "constant criticism"? Part of a teacher getting a student through GCSE courses is to tell students how to improve.

Like red I find it interesting that you excuse your DD not doing homework as her problem and something the teacher shouldn't be following up, but then seem to place your daughter's attainment at the feet of the teacher.

I assume this conversation took place in front of your daughter? In which case your daughter will now feel she has impunity to behave and work as she pleases.

I would assume she definitely will do appallingly now as well.

Hmmm, I’ve been the teacher I this situation before. Teens can often present differently in class than at home.

It does sound like the relationship has broken down. I would suspect a combination of teacher frustration, your DD feeling defensive and you being defensive o her behalf.

If there is no class to I’ve her to then it is your responsibility to help your DD find a way to repair her relationship with this teacher. It’s a good idea lesson. We all have to work with people we don’t get on with.

I would also question the teacher’s perspective on this. A few time recently it has come as a total shock to me when a parent has gone wild a parents evening. Parent and child had been discussing perceived slights and grievances at home but hadn’t mentioned anything to school or me. By the time they’d gotten to parents eve there was a whole narrative about what a shit teacher I was that I had no idea about.

I am sorry that you lost your mum, and I am sure that your DD went through a difficult time because of it. I can understand why she may have fallen behind a little on school work at this time.

What I don't understand is why it only seems to be an issue in Spanish.

Sorry, but unless there is a genuine, medical reason that your DD cannot do her homework, she does NOT have any right not to do it. Imagine what the other pupils think of this? Homework is not an optional part of high school, and no teacher can just let it go, or everyone will stop doing it. Your daughter is not a special case.

If she is unable to complete homework, I'm sure the class teacher would give her extra tuition at lunch, break or after school to help her catch up.

The teacher shouldn't make comments about your DD being miserable, but you do need to make sure that the school know anything that she is going through, and that this teacher is briefed. She isn't a mind reader.

If your daughter can't do what is necessary in class, she shouldn't be in mainstream class. That's not a criticism, it's just that there's no way she's getting the most out of her class if she isn't doing it properly.

Telling her that homework is her choice isn't the best example to set.

You say that this teacher is damaging her mental health. If this is true, and not just dramatic, you need to take her to her GP and have her mental health assessed. That would probably help in school too if you had a diagnosis to work with.

I might have read it wrong, but you sort of sound like one of those parents who gets angry when a teacher (who is in charge of your child during their lesson) tells your child what to do, and you automatically assume that your child is an angel, or that they behave in every single class. Even the best kids sometimes play up in a certain class - for goodness knows what reason.

Thanks for all the helpful replies.

If your DD loves Spanish so much she wants to do an A level in it, then doing the HW should be a priority. If she isn't doing this then there are very mixed messages going on.
If the teacher didn't care, she would just let it all go and allow the DD to get whatever grade she gets, after all she has had conversations with you and given you her advice/opinion/information.
I have known students play very odd games, not saying this is the case here but I have heard of students making such serious allegations that the teacher had to go through a disciplinary, and it boiled down, in the end, to the student wanting to drop the subject but also wanting to make it appear it was the teacher's fault, i.e. not her fault. 34 years experience teaching French in a secondary school, i have seen weird stuff. Yours doesn't seem quite this weird. But I would also say it is a two way street and it is unfair to expect the teacher to give up her free time to catch up a student who doesn't seem inclined to do the H/W.

Incidentally @LolaSmiles and @RedskyToNight both really know what they are talking about. IMHO. Come across them on other threads.