Being 'that' parent is impacting on my mental health.

[IcanandIwill]

So my ds is struggling at school. I've had to push for assessments etc, that are slowly happening but a lot of basic stuff is also being missed. Anyway, I've had to complain a lot lately, now the head walks the other way when she sees me coming and I get this awful anxiety and lurching feeling when I walk into the playground. Any ideas on where to go from here. If I don't stick up for my poor boy theb who will? But in doing so I have no good working relationship with the school. Or at least it feels like I don't and its making me dread the school run.

Totally understand where you are coming from. I have a child with HFA at a private school and it’s been a very lonely and anxiety-inducing journey.

I can only echo @PandaTurtle’s advice about praising the school and supporting teachers when dc has been a PITA (may not apply to your child). It’s so important to advocate for your child and we have made huge progress as a result. I am ‘that’ parent and I accept it. I’m sure school thinks I’m an over-concerned batshit woman. I see kids whose parents do not advocate for their kids and can see how their issues stand out more as they get older.

A good school will welcome parents in and listen to their concerns. Then discuss them and a plan of action. Reassurance, any support that can be given at home etc.

The fact you feel the way you do is because it's not a good school.

My ds first secondary actually told me on week 3 "we have expertise in asd and don't need your knowledge to support your son". To which I said they may have had training in asd but they were not the experts in my son. A year later he refused to attend due to anxiety because they didn't have a clue and wouldn't work with me (they didn't have any regard for my opinion or think I had anything worthwhile to contribute and told me so!).
He's now in an amazing secondary school who have from day 1 asked me what works and what doesn't. Admitted when things haven't worked and asked if I have ideas and equally when ds has done things I've said I can't seem to help him achieve had advised me how to do it!