Secondary school places

[poppy1973]

Help, I really need some advice from mumsnet.

Don't really know what to do about my child and choosing the school place shortly.

My child applied for the grammar school test, sat the test, only completed half the papers and got stuck in an exam room with a problem child who they go to school with. We thought nothing of it and assumed that as she hadn't completed the whole papers that she wouldn't even get ranked. She did get ranked, found out yesterday.

However, also found out that the children who she doesn't get on with want to go to the same grammar schools as she does. I don't know how they have got on. We don't talk, as I have moved my daughter recently as she was having a nightmare of a time with these children. She was so miserable being in the same class as them.

I have asked a few mums from the old school to find out, but they don't know.

Do I send my child to a local state secondary school ?? Which is good, and all her new friends will be going to (she is really happy in her new primary school and the children are all lovely in the class. Most will go the state secondary school) or do I just put her name down for the grammar school and hope that she gets in and that the other children don't get in??

I really don't know what to do. If the girls in the old school hadn't made her life so miserable, then I would have just chosen the grammar school and put down the state secondary as a final choice. However, with all this upset, I am not sure whether or not to risk sending her to a school (where these old girls could be attending). Do I go for a school where I know there won't be any issues and where my daughter will know lots of other children or send her to a girls grammar school (where the intake is only 150 a year)

Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

You don’t know if there will be issues or not at the comp. She could get bullied as well. Equally, the grammar could be good at handling bullying if the old issues re-surfaced. The other girls might not even go there if I understand correctly. I’d just go with the best fit school and worry about any potential problems if and when they arise.

If I were you I would apply to the grammar school. The other kids may not get in and thing will be fine. If she has trouble then at the end of the day you have the option to move her somewhere else. If she goes to another school and has problems you will have lost the opportunity to send her to the grammar at a later stage.
You are trying to solve a problem which doesn't actually exist yet.

150 is five forms. If she’s offered a place at the grammar school you can ask for her not to be placed in a form with these girls.

I really would not limit school choices based on speculative information. Others may or may not get in, have the same first preference, be in same class etc. Dynamics change at secondary, especially if previous friendship groups are split across several schools. Apply for the best schools for your dd and deal with this later if the need arises.

You can't choose a school based on your DC not getting on with another child now. You have no idea how they will get on in the future; you have no idea what school that child will get into; even if they get into the same school they may never see each other; even if they go to different schools there may be a new child that yours has a problem with.

Pick the school on merit, not which other children are going there.

Thank you for the advice. There seems to be a definitive yes for the grammar school. The grammar is in the local city and therefore she would have to take a bus. The state is in a town same distance away (quicker journey). I would probably drive her in as her brother will be attending sixth form. I am going back around the state school for another visit and might let my daughter discuss
Yes you are right, if she isn't happy at grammar I could move her.

When we went for our Induction Meeting at secondary (a comp, with very little bullying / serious, effective anti-bullying procedures) we were asked if there was anyone not to be in a class with.

And i wouldn’t drive her in unless it is absolute the norm for kids to be driven to school in your area.

Thank you for all your advice. Chatted to a couple of parents in the local area and believe the grammar school is out of the reach for my daughter.

I can't afford the private bus price for her every month. I suppose I should have found this out before she sat the test. I couldn't get a proper answer from the schools about bus fare, as they would never give out this information at open days.

I wouldn’t send her to an all girls grammar where bullying has already been an issue.

She may be bullied elsewhere but I’d rather a new start and the odds are lower.

That is what I am thinking. I think under the circumstances I will choose the best state secondary that is in the area. It does means a car journey but means that she can travel in with her 6th form brother.

Unfortunately we live in a rural area and don't get any public transport to us. There is a small minibus to a local school (3 miles away). However, the school has such a bad reputation and doesn't seem to be improving.