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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

My daughter passed the 11+. Thank you for the advice.

41 replies

mumof32015 · 05/10/2019 23:24

I posted a few months ago about my daughter preparing for the 11+. Today we received the letter to say she will be offered a place.
I just wanted to say thank you for the advice I was given, it really played a huge part in helping us to prepare.
It was the timing that let her down, but I found the bond 10 minute test books really helped her.
To those who are about to go down the road of preparing for the 11+, good luck I hope it all goes well for you :)

OP posts:

Faith50 · 08/10/2019 08:12

magnaconcordia Congratulations to your son! You must be so proud.

Faith50 · 08/10/2019 08:17

mumof32 there will be a lot of distraught parents and children. It seems wrong that children will have to go to school and hear who was recommended and who was not. They are only 10 and 11 years old.

If ds is recommended we will advise he only discloses at school if asked. If he is not recommended I do not know how we will prepare him to face his peers at school.

Does anyone have any advice, particularly parents who have been through this before?

Zodlebud · 08/10/2019 08:48

There will be plenty of other children at school who didn’t make the grade too. They all talk about it for one day but it’s quickly forgotten and on the whole the kids are great at being supportive of each other regardless of outcome.

It’s only ever usually an issue if the child has set their heart on going to a grammar school or if best friends will be split up. It’s honestly far worse for the parents to be honest, especially when they have spent ££££ tutoring.

We are just on the border of Bucks (a Bucks grammar is actually our closest school despite being in Herts). DD has sat it but we know we are out of catchment and even county so even if she does pass there’s no certainty of a place. I just can’t get myself wound up about it as a result and have got DD into the same mindset. If she doesn’t pass then it’s simply not the right school for her. Staunch anti tutoring policy in our household. I know she’s at a disadvantage as a result but if she’s meant to pass then she will.

Grandjany · 08/10/2019 09:51

Hi, I’m just wondering how we assess our daughters for 11+ application. The London school my daughter goes to is non selective so the only feedback I get is the report which says she is very academic and the stanine level on assessments. What sort of academic level is required for the top girls day schools? Also, does anyone have any idea what music grade qualifies for a scholarship in these places.?

Original poster

mumof32015 · 08/10/2019 09:59

@Faith50 my daughter didn't go into school telling anyone, when I asked her how she know she said they asked her. She said she didn't want to let anyone know she had passed because she didn't want to upset anyone. I know that parents and children will be really upset.

I was continuously worried about my DD sitting the test, but the closer we got to the day I realised that if she passed great. She had worked hard for the place. However if she didn't pass, I saw it as a life lesson. We don't go through life getting everything we want, we have to deal with disappointments. I had explained this to my daughter and told her that if it didn't go the way she wanted then she would probably do a lot better in one of the schools she had picked. To us as parents we were proud of her either way.

OP posts:

GetUpAgain · 08/10/2019 10:06

In my area you get a score, but no pass/fail, just wait till March to see if you get a place. You can of course guess your chances based on last years scores but its rubbish for borderline kids.

One of my DC scored below what we thought would be needed to get in, the other scored stupidly high, we took the same approach with both. "Just tell your friends you are happy with your score because you did your best, you are waiting to see what school you go to".

Of course after one playtime everyone seems to know what everyone else got anyway...

Grandjany · 08/10/2019 10:15

My main concern is managing my daughter’s expectations: I don’t want her applying for a school she hasn’t got a chance of getting in to. I’m worried that we don’t get enough guidance from the school on what are appropriate applications. Besides that there are all the application fees! How many should we apply to?

Mustbetimeforachange · 08/10/2019 11:06

Grandjany you are talking about independent schools, this thread is about state schools. Maybe start your own thread?

Faith50 · 08/10/2019 12:59

mumof32 How thoughtful of your daughter to consider the feelings of her peers. I agree that we do not get what we want as children or adults. As much as I want every door to open for my child, I know it will not. They need to be equipped to deal with disappointment. I struggled badly with disappointment as a child and even in adulthood. I saw my failures as being a part of me.

Original poster

mumof32015 · 08/10/2019 14:18

@Faith50 I felt really upset for the other girls, and I am proud of my daughter for not going into school and telling everyone. I too would like every door to open for my children, but I know it's not always possible. I had a difficult childhood so I try to give my children the best life they could ever have. I think this is why I am so pleased she managed to pass because I was never given the option to do anything like that. I was always told I wasn't good enough. That has been so deeply instilled in me I still think I am not good at anything.

OP posts:

Lenazayka · 08/10/2019 21:58

Congratulations mumof32015
I am so happy to see the parents whose children got into the grammar school. What a brilliant news.

WingDefence · 09/10/2019 10:20

@mumof32015 I have just heard that my DS got into the boys' school so I suspect our DCs will cross paths over the next few years

I'm bouncing around!

Original poster

mumof32015 · 09/10/2019 10:26

@WingDefence that's fantastic news. Yes I was bouncing around too 😄
Well done to your son!

OP posts:

Faith50 · 09/10/2019 11:06

Congratulations wingdefence

WingDefence · 09/10/2019 11:11

Thanks @Faith50. Re: you question above about preparing children who don't get in to face their peers at school, because it is not a county-wide scheme where we live, only two children in DS's year actually sat an exam so it isn't as big a deal. I know he would have felt very upset personally, not because of 'failing' the exam but because it's the school he preferred above the others, but I would hope that if lots of them sit it at your DS's school, then lots of them won't get places and will be in it together, if you know what I mean?

Faith50 · 09/10/2019 16:12

wingdefence I understand your point. My ds will be affected if his friends pass and he does not. Two are super bright so I have no doubts at all.

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