If your 13 yr old was punched

[Sewbean]

by another 13 yr old on the way home from school and has a bruise would you call the police?

Bit sketchy on the details here, ds claims there is no particular history, this lad has just decided to pick a fight, has been trying to get ds to fight him for some time, ds has refused so today as soon as they got out of the school gates the boy punched him.

Is it an over-reaction to call the police? I will speak to school first but I know they will say they can't do anything because it's out of school grounds.

I don't want to make something a million times works by involving the police, I can't get a feeling for how serious this is. But it feels pretty serious to me.

School must deal with it. The boys know each other through school and the conflict started in school. Check the school's website, it might even say that they will deal with it if it happens on the way to school or back. I would contact the safeguarding officer and ask what their procedures are and how they plan to handle this. This is nothing unusual and they should have a routine.

I would not call the police. The police is stretched anyway and this is not serious enough (BTW my 12 year old was punched in the stomach and her head banged against a wall in school).

I would talk it over with your son and make it very clear that you are on his side and will help him. Ask him if anyone has said anything nasty to him, threatened him, pushed him etc and document from now on. Tell your son that if this continues it is bullying and needs to stop.

I agree with PP that you should mention it to the school. Like it or not there will be a lot of punching going on within this age group and it's not really appropriate to refer it to the police.

School first. They should be able to deal with it even though it was off school grounds.
Your son should be proud of himself for standing up for himself, not fighting back and telling you about it.

I'd speak to the Head of Year, tell them what happened. Then speak to your son and ensure that he reports threats or bullying or violence to the head of year

Personally I wouldn't go safeguarding offer and want to know what they're doing about students on the way home from school as a first approach.

I once had thus with DS

Involved the school, very on-the-ball Head of year. Turned out there was a bit more to it.

DS had made fun of a girl in lesson (made a sarcastic remark when she asked him a question), her boyfriend waited for him outside school. The boy told DS to leave his girlfriend alone. DS told the boy that he could not even understand him as he had weird rabbit teeth. The boy then punched DS and kicked him.

Still not ok that he hit DS. But DS was not an angelic innocent victim either

But finding out the backstory (if there is one) is useful, and best done through school.

If it’s part of bullying or intimidation though, step it up

I did speak to the school who predictably said that they can't take action because the assault was not in school grounds.
They have said they will have a 'chat' with both boys for what that's worth, I'm not sure.

The school has a community police officer who I was thinking I would speak to. She would automatically have been involved if this had happened in school but I have to request her involvement because it was out of school. I will wait and see what happens today.

Like it or not there will be a lot of punching going on within this age group

That's what I can't get a feel for. This is the first time any of my kids have ever been punched. It feels like a big deal to me that someone waits till my kid has left the school gates then punches him in the head so hard he has a black eye. But it seems like an everyday occurrence to the school so no big deal to them.

I wasn't planning on phoning 999 or anything but if this boy touches him again I will be speaking to the school police officer.

I would request her involvement - the school are being ridiculous not to pick up on it as it will just lead to further issues in school as well as elsewhere

School first. Unfortunately boys do fight, even the nicest ones.

A black eye is not the same as just a bruise
It's assault and as school won't engage you are best to report it to the police

I'd contact the police over an unprovoked black eye. That's way beyond "normal" pushing and shoving.

Oh wow, yes that is a bit more serious than I thought!

Also the school ‘s response was disappointing!

It's the threat of it hanging over him that is the worst thing. This boy's friends are apparently telling him all day long "Jimmy is going to get you after school". Imagine going to school every day with the worry that someone might hurt you on the way home.

It wouldn't be ok to just punch someone at work or on the bus or at the cinema so why is it ok at school? Normalising this sort of thing really pisses me off.

He didn't see the boy today, ds had an after school activity. He was not in the class they usually share together for some reason, I don't know.

There is a "reconciliation meeting" planned between the boys tomorrow, will see what comes of that. He is going to call me after the meeting and if he's not reassured I will call the school and say he will be leaving early so he hopefully gets home safely.

My eldest DD was beaten up quite badly in an alleyway about 10 years ago. Similarly the school said that as it had happened off school grounds it wasn’t their remit. However in a separate incident, my DD and friends walking out of school (and not on school property) did something naughty (very very stupidly flashed their bra’s at a boy ) that we were pulled in for as ‘they were wearing school uniform and therefore school involvement was appropriate. So schools can be inconsistent and the fact he was attacked by a pupil in their uniform could be a line to take.

We did involve the police as she was pretty badly beaten (she’s LGBT and has been very open about this always and it was homophobic motivated). There was one other pupil who the girl who attacked my DD had also assaulted on another occasion so together we approached the police while my DDs bruises and cuts were still very visible. If it had been a one off or less severe I’m not 100% sure we would have done. The girl as she was under 18 was given 40 hours community service which seemed a bit of a joke really for the injury she’d inflicted. So if you go down that route, don’t necessarily expect a result you feel 100% satisfied with.

If he is repeatedly being told in school that he will be beaten up after school, he is being bullied IN school by a whole group of boys and the school needs to take action. This conflict arose in school, some of it is happening in school and they need to deal with it. I find it appalling that they drag their heels.

BTW the law says "Head teachers have the legal power to make sure pupils behave outside of school premises (state schools only). This includes bullying that happens anywhere off the school premises, for example on public transport or in a town centre. School staff can also choose to report bullying to the police or local council." (www.gov.uk/bullying-at-school/bullying-outside-school)

So the school has the legal right to intervene when it comes to bullying off school grounds. They just need to choose to do so. If they don't, I would step it up and make a complaint to the governors.

I would also take pictures of any visible injuries and write everything down with names, dates, what was being said etc. and document the school's response to each incident, just in case.

You must tell the school. It's not right that your child was punched.

Oh OP this is horrid. DS1 (now y11) was very badly bullied when he was y3-4, and the 'outstanding' primary school was rubbish. It was only when I started writing letters of complaint (Ofsted get to see letters of complaint), with copies of their bullying policy highlighted, and annotated that they took the issue seriously, and it all stopped.

I am sceptical of the secondary school's stance of: 'it happened outside school, so not our responsibility'. Well, sure if it happened at 20.30 outside the chicken shop 5 blocks away. But surely just after school, just outside school is a different matter. Most schools do try and push the message that whilst students are in school uniform, they are school ambassadors, so creditable behaviour is expected both in and out of school.

When DS1 was in y8 another boy ran across traffic without looking, and a taxi had to brake hard, just about hitting him. There was a special assembly a couple days later: the taxi company had sent the dashcam footage to the school, showing the boy sprawled on the bonnet. The school did not say 'oh, this was after hours', but used it as a reminder to the boys to consider road safety, and also how their behaviour reflects upon the school.

You've had great advice on here. As others have said, I would make a careful note of everything that has happened (the assault, the threats, school responses). Take pictures of DS's black eye if still visible/ have not already.

Check school website for their anti-bullying policy, or email school office and ask them to email it. Go through it and - hopefully - there are examples you can give of when things that happened to your son are listed in their policy as bullying. State clearly that as a school's statutory duty of care is to keep your child safe: and repeated threats mean he is not safe, they are failing in this duty. You look forward to meeting with the appropriate member of staff so they can outline how they are going to address this issue, and let you know what action they are going to take to ensure this does not happen again. And, whilst you have not wanted to bother the police with this criminal assault at this stage, if there were to be a repeat, you would be reporting to the police.

Good luck, you have got this - and your son will feel empowered seeing that this situation is not ok, and someone, his mum, is doing something about it.

x