Year 7 DS Not Settling in

[Adizzy]

My son has started secondary school and it wasn't his preferred school. It has a reputation. Not a good one.
I tried to remain positive though, we went to see it after we were accepted and had a tour round with the head of year 7. We thought ok we will try and remain positive.
Now 3 weeks in my son is finding it hard to settle in. He's a bright very conscientious child at school and he's not shy and quite outgoing.

He has missed two days so far and is getting upset about going in most days.

I've had two meetings with head of Year to talk about his anxieties and his fears. We understandably thought it was nerves and the transition. But now Im thinking I know my son and he normally adapts very well. Found out today after another episode of not wanting to go that kids are being disruptive in most lessons. Something certainly he is not used too. I know kids mess about, but in the first couple weeks of a new school? It's very concerning now I'm understanding what this "reputation" is.
He also had no friends from his primary school gone there. He has a friend that's gone to his preferred school who told him that they have nothing like the disruption going on in his lessons. Which has cause my son to feel sad.
Also the second week of a lot of friends he had made got into DS preferred school and that has caused some upset too.

So we are on waiting list for preferred school now 10th on list. We have moved up we were 13th.
Am I able to make an in year application?
I know I have to give it time with him settling in but I'm concerned that if he doesn't I'd rather get the ball rolling now sooner than later. I'm just concerned this school is just not a good fit for him.

I know it's early days and I'm remaining positive and working with school as much as I can, but also I want to explore other options.

I'm not too sure on waiting lists and mid-year applications, hopefully someone will come along with more on that, it is good that you are gradually moving up the list though. Fingers crossed a place at the other school will come along soon. Can you reassure your son of that and persuade him to stick it out until he can move. For me, I'd be unhappy about the disruption most of all. My DD, y7, started at a school where none of her primary school friends are but it is supposed to be a 'good school', academically speaking and I am happy with how she is settling. I wouldn't be happy with poor behaviour and feeling she is not learning, and probably like you, would look elsewhere.

TwoRedShoes I called them and they weren't very positive about him moving very far quickly. 9 people would have to leave and then it would go by distance so the nearest people would get a place? We are already in admission process Is that right. Spoke to school office. Probably should talk to head of year? I'm so annoyed and disheartened.
He has a friend that lives meters away from us and they got into the school a family lives couple doors down from me and their first son attended the school and naturally his siblings attended.

Has he missed 2 days so far because of physical illness or through feeling unable to go in and face it? However hard ot seems, this will not help him. Speak to the pastpral team. They will have experienced year 7s not settling and will know what is best to do

I have no advice but we are in the same boat.

Ds didn't get his preferred choice. Worse than that we are 38th on the list first first choice school.

Things seem to be getting worse as the days go on, tonight he described school as hell on Earth.

He always loved primary school.

In not sure it’s a good idea to focus too much on the idea that they might be able to move school. Surely it stops them from even trying to settle where they are?

He’s been physically ill as in tummy ache from getting himself worked up. He’s off again today I’m at a loss at what I can do. It’s hard to watch them get so anxious. 😞

Im not sure 9 people would have to leave for your son to get a place. If one person left they would offer a place to the first person on the waiting but they might turn the place down. It would then be offered to the second person who may or may not want to take and so on down the list.
Many children would have settled into yr 7 so might not want to change schools.

Speak to school about how your DS is struggling to fit in.
Speak to them about the class disruption (though I would hope they are aware and looking at steps to improve this).

Insist your DS goes to school and makes an effort.
It is really too soon to decide this school is not a good fit, and I don't think you are helping your DS by focusing on the school's "reputation" (based on hearsay by any chance?) and leading him to think he will be moving schools soon.

ChaRedSkyLastNight

I've not said anything. It's his primary school and his last teacher told him the school has a bad rep. I was livid when they did and went and complained, Plus other parents have said to their kids who are friends with my child it's not a good school.

So don't comment about what I've said to my son, I'm quite aware, I haven't, it's all from other people if anything I've tried to be positive about it from the time we were given the school.

I'm simply exploring options in case he doesn't settle.

I've spoke to the school and they trying to encourage him. He's now becoming so anxious and upset now.
He could develop bad anxiety from this. It's very concerning.
They have suggested a school counsellor they have to speak to him every week. Which I've agreed to, anything to make him feel relaxed and happier.

PinkChocolateMice, it's awful isn't it. Your poor son
I just feel helpless.....

It took my ds 3 years to settle in to secondary school & find his own place & friends. Like you the school isn't great, lots of disruption, bullying & truancy, the school wasnt our first choice but was where ds was put & he is doing his best & working hard. Thankfully he does his GCSE's next summer & he is applying to another school for sixth form, one of the schools he didnt get in when leaving primary. If you have problems, keep on at school, speak to the pastoral managers & heads of year, if you don't get answers, speak to your MP & get them involved.

That is awful. Has he made any friends? Do they set for some lessons which might give him some respite.

Are they any other options at all? Moving, private with bursary as I think the wait list might not move enough.