Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Flip

Original poster

Year 7 friendship trouble

18 replies

Manchestertimes · 12/09/2019 23:15

My daughter has started a school where she didn't know anyone except her best friend of 8 years. They were so close, more like sisters than friends
They started school together but are in different forms. In the last 2 weeks everything has changed. Her friend will not talk to her in school and is only interested in being on her phone talking to her new friends.
I am supporting my daughter saying she needs to make new friends and she has done. It's just such a shame a strong friendship has ended in under 2 weeks.
Any advice how I can help my daughter as it actually feels like a breakup because they spent so much time together. I also feel sad as this child was like a daughter to me.
I know things change but it's hard to know what is the right thing to do.
Any advice would be appreciated

OP posts:

Original poster

Manchestertimes · 12/09/2019 23:15

Advice needed

OP posts:

Chickoletta · 12/09/2019 23:22

I’m a teacher and was HOY7 for many years. I’ve seen things like this happen lots of times I’m afraid. Generally, after a few weeks everybody settles down, they stop jostling for position and remember who their old friends were.

In the meantime, be really proactive in encouraging other friendships - get her to invite other girls out, home for tea etc. Get her to do lots of clubs so that she’s not at a loose end at lunchtime (can be the worst time) or after school.

I’m sure you knew all of that but wanted you to know that these things have always sorted themselves out in my experience.

Chickoletta · 12/09/2019 23:23

Whatever you do, don’t be tempted to slag off the other girl as she’ll probably be back at your tea table by half term!

Original poster

Manchestertimes · 12/09/2019 23:25

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I have already had a girl for tea and she is meeting some other girls after school. She is not lonely but just misses the way things used to be with her best friend
I suppose it is just a learning curve and things like this will happen but it's hard when your child is sad

OP posts:

minesagin37 · 12/09/2019 23:27

This happened with my DD ( she's now in yr9) and her friend in Year 7. They have been friends since reception and I've got close to the friends mum. However in this case my DD was the one who got into Year 7 and met a new friendship group and did not want to hang out with her friend any longer. I was quite embarrassed and tried and tried to keep the friendship going but found it impossible. The other mum was quite hurt and it affected our relationship for a time. But now, both girls are happy as they both made new friends and have really settled. They chat at school and online now from time to time. That's my story. No immediate answers other than it will work out ok.

Lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 12/09/2019 23:30

Hi. This sounds similar to what happened last year with my DD. Her and another girl had been BFs since reception. It really changed rapidly at secondary school. They all found new friends who were shiny and new. By the last term in year 7 they all gravitated back to old friendships. It's like they need to set the reset button after year 7

Daffodil101 · 12/09/2019 23:31

It’s such a shame when it affects the parents relationships.

Original poster

Manchestertimes · 12/09/2019 23:33

That's exactly the same with me - I am good friends with the other girls mum and find it very difficult to not say anything about the way her daughter has been. I have told her I think her daughter wants to move on with other people.
I don't don't understand how things can change so quickly and feel sad about it.

OP posts:

HennyPennyHorror · 12/09/2019 23:35

My did is the same age and we're having similar. I've spoken to the mum of the girl who feels dumped and feel terrible but there's nothing I can do. Did will hopefully wake up to herself.... I've told her that she needs to be friendly to everyone etc but she maintains her old friend is too clingy and dramatic.

minesagin37 · 12/09/2019 23:37

Yes I totally understand how you feel. I'm off out for a drink with the other mum in a couple of weeks. It was tricky and then when she could see that her DD was making other friends she felt more relaxed. Unfortunately this element is really out of our control.

Original poster

Manchestertimes · 12/09/2019 23:38

I know the other mother will speak to her daughter about it but like you say you cant force a friendship. I feel like I will have to take a step back in terms of friendship with the mother as it is hard not to say something I will regret as it's hard not to take it personally when your child is upset

OP posts:

Summer2003 · 12/09/2019 23:46

Been there! Yr 7 is tough, my DS fell out with BF in week 1, went on for a while, then mates again then by Yr 9/10 they'd naturally grown apart & gained other friends & social groups. Just be there for your DS if she's sad. Don't try & force friends or get involved with other parents, unless it's bullying.

loulouljh · 13/09/2019 07:03

My DD has just started at secondary. She joined with two good friends from primary. She has though been paired up (in her tutor group) with another girl who she likes. This girl though does not like her old friends and he old friends don't like this girl!!

My DD has been getting a bit stressed about it all and I have struggled a little to advise her..have said just try and be friends with everyone...

Am hoping everyone will relax and it will all settle down in a few weeks....

RedskyLastNight · 13/09/2019 07:56

I doubt the friendship has ended. In a few weeks they will probably be friends again, albeit they may redefine what their friendship looks like.

My daughter had a very good friend through primary school. Said friend was also put in entirely different classes so they never saw each other at school. At the end of the first term, they both joined the same school club, remembered how well they got on together, and the club then became their "thing" that they did together. Their friendship is not the same as it used to be, but that's a good thing - they are friends because they know they genuinely like each other rather than because of habit or circumstance.

FanDabbyFloozy · 13/09/2019 09:11

It is a very difficult time and to be honest, it can be like that all the way to year 10 when the class splits for GCSE options.

All I can say is that you need to keep perspective.. It will happen over and over again and you can't be drawn into the drama each time.

FanDabbyFloozy · 13/09/2019 09:15

But you can really see how the school gate mums clique develops. It's pretty sad really.

BarbariansMum · 13/09/2019 10:13

It's quite normal for friendships to change as you move through both school and life. And very unusual to keep a best friend from age 3 all the way to adulthood.

Maybe their friendship will end up stronger by not being so intense, maybe it will fade away entirely. But you cant force it.

summerflower2 · 13/09/2019 10:18

I think it is because the secondary school is very bigger, if they are not in the same form, same tutor group, there are not much chance for them to hang around together. So it's hard to keep going as close as before.

DS2 is at Y7, he is at the same tutor group with his best friend, however, they only in the same class for 3 topics, so don't see each other much during the day.

Flip